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Nov 28 · 29
To My Dearest Father
Not until you took me in
Will I be able to make amends
To the past you gave to me
With the future you took away

For I will never understand
The resistance you have to suppress
To contently stroll along
Without your family

I may have been a little soul
Idly fiddling, nothing to show
Yet I will grow old as much as you
Learn to speak with who knows who

My mind you see is not a stone
The yearn was there and unshakeable
Time will took its toll on me
Eventually, you will have to face with me
Nov 18 · 61
Lighthouse
Up until the day I say
The words I was meant to bear
These hands will hold you tight
Tight as ever been

The end may come near
The world may cease to be
But this hand will unfailingly be
The light you constantly seeks

Thread the impassable route
Fear no storm in the sea
For when you are with me
You are with your lighthouse
Oct 26 · 32
Again
Know that when the dawn breaks
And the first sound you hear
Is the unfaltering beat of your heart
I would be there holding your hands

Because of all the hands there is
Yours are what mine yearns
And of all the faces I know
Yours is what I see in my sleep

Stay, for old times sake
And leave when I can be
At peace with this lingering thought
That you moved on with your life

Granted these words are selfish
All I wish is for you to be with--
The person that will guide you home
Again

Stay, for old times sake
Leave if you want to
Be the person that will--
Guide you home

Again
Oct 20 · 20
Sooner or Later
This could be the last
Of the world's infamous looser
And I would spend it dancing
Along with this pen on a paper

So much of this a common fact
Among individuals like me
The world would not care
The way I care about myself

Sooner or later
The world would eventually catch up
To my daring thoughts
But nothing would change

It's a fiasco down here
A place I would describe as hallow
Deafening but impossibly tenacious
Enduring it will sooner devour me

There are chances, sure
Yet these instances are as volatile
As alcohol in my rotting chest
Volatile as the smiles I try to preserve

I've given up on myself too
Had me pushing my back uphill
Just to see myself crumbling down
Again and again

So I will spend my last day
Dancing along with this pen
Hoping every step I take
Will take me to my last bow
Aug 12 · 33
Your Almost
Have this heart learned
How much a name would hurt
Just enough to tug the threads
We would not come to be

Farther and farther
We could have not learned
The sad truth about ourselves
That you and I are utmost almost

We knowingly chose this path
The path of least resistance
And threaded this trapestry of mishaps
Just to have it all snapping back

Reality of us is worst at best
Yet we found all the reasons to ignore
The call and the trace of struggle
Between our decietful smiles

But certain things would not deny
This will always be
You and I will regretfully bet
Almost will come to be
Jul 29 · 43
In Your Memories
Save me a page
On one of your magazines
In return, I will make this
One of the last memories
I will leave with you

For when you want to reminisce
The structure of my face
The curvature in my jaw
The spacing between my fingers
The hallow look into my face

No one will ask
'Cause they'll probably never know
The face they will see
And the feelings I imbued within
This page on your magazine

I'll do everything
Everything just for a page
If it means a living memory
Of a hallow person
Dying inside
Dying to live forever

In your memories
Jun 9 · 274
Superstition
This maybe a superstition
The life we are forced to take,
Like many of the things
We used to believe

Everyone refused to die
Unless it's an immaculate ascension
To our perceived
Culmination of all heavenly on earth

Millions and millions
Seconds they past
While we dance
Into the flames

Every night is longer
Much longer than before
Yet we laugh
And cry when we're through

It scares me enough
Realizing this much
The fools we are credited for
Was our consequence of
Being superstitious
May 22 · 33
Forever and Always
This is better
This is good
I always tell myself
Letting her go was best
Not for me
But the best for her

Much as I would want you here
Dear and close to my heart
I would rather have you at a distance
Than have you shattering in my touch

Please be good
Please be kind
Please be the man
I thought I would be
When I get her
Dear and close to my heart

It will hurt so much
It will **** me
But please be there for her
Forever and always
Mar 31 · 34
Lost
In hopes to live an ideal life
She concealed herself in a room
A room painted with the hues of her soul
Isolated and locked for others not to see

One day this guy saw this trampled room
Wandered and aimlessly searched for it's door
He tried so hard yet he may so blind to see
The door he's searching was inside of him

But the girl knew this guy will come
The guy which may set her free
Though she hoped and dreamt for this moment to betide
Neither two of them were connected by the strings of fate
Mar 16 · 53
Joie de Vivre
I know for a fact
That the genuity and sincerity
Of your smiles
Are the lies you love to flaunt
To everyone else
To make them believe
The life you chose to take
Had lead you to the hands
Of a caring God

But each time a bus comes by
And curves behind your eyes
You realize when hope is needed
To be picked up around
There's nowhere to be found

You've gone up ahead
Think too much
Said too much
But realizing it
Won't change a thing

Since turmoil within each breath
And eccentricity within your soul
Had left you with a hefty core
The life you chose to take
Has lead you to a God
As passive as can be
Feb 25 · 59
The Man and His Winds
Gone too far
Are the winds of hope
For a man with no light to see
Beneath his eyes

His threads are sewed
His time still runs
Yet his hands are still
Drawn to the winds

As the stars shone bright
And the moon rose quiet
The man grew old
Passed his dripping years

The planted seeds
He treasured for years
Took no time to heed
The plea of a wilting man

The winds of hope
Showed no mercy to the man
Until the man has meet
His marching band

Only then he was pleased
For a place to rest
To stop his time
Aboard the winds
Feb 1 · 58
My Juliana
I hope and pray
My heart would not escape
The cage I bound it in
My Juliana

I hope and pray
My hands would not reach
The hope that seeemed forsaken
My Juliana

I hope and pray
For a broken heart to mend
As swift as the tears I shed
My Juliana

I hope and pray
My Juliana

But to hope and pray
For something improbable to happen
Is like loving you
My Juliana
Jan 13 · 141
Memories
Of all the moments that could flash before my eyes
Yours just have to be the one
Lovely as her name
This memory of her was the last
Picture perfect smile which meant the world to me

I dreamt of this scene a lot
A drifting emotion from the past
Waiting ever so patiently
That still lingers on my hands,
My shoulders, and my heart

But under the mercy of a cold cylinder
The heart of mine would not react
Because as lovely as her name,
As nice as our shared memories were
I only wish I didn't have them
Dec 2018 · 107
The Bird in the Cage
The vast meadow outside
Is an impossible dream
For a bird in a cage
Rattled and shaken
What purpose of these wings to have
If the winds wont touch it?
The wings that supposed to be my feet
Are ******* to an anchor
I wont wait untill I cave in
The skies should have took me
Same as it have done before,
Short lived dreams
Short lived life
As birds were meant to fly
I was meant to bleed
Though I do realize
The only thing holding me back
Is within this cage
After all
The cage was open all along
Nov 2018 · 46
My Saving Grace
The grace that caught me in good terms
Are becoming one of the screws
Loose and rusty in my head
With every turn my head will bleed
The same blood I bleed since
The grace that once taught me how to live
Would be the knot making me afloat
Sep 2018 · 63
Staring Contest
Take me to the end of the world
Let me stand at its edge
And feel the fear of falling
Return to my senses

Let me stare at the abyss
Like when I stare back into those eyes
Sunken as a pirate ship
Monochromatic and void

I'll ignore the failing voices in my head
As I stay valiant on the edge
With no intention of writhing
In silence again

I've always lived in constant misery
Though I didn't want it to be
This abyss is a disappointment in comparison
To the life I've lead

So, take me
Take me at its edge
I'm not gonna fall
This abyss is too shallow for me
Sep 2018 · 58
On that Summer Day
It's been a while
Since the day I walked this field
Where I brought you
On our last day together
The grass haven't grown
The trees still stood tall
Everything seemed frozen in time
I know when I look down
The day, month, and year
Wont ever change
Because on that summer day
The worries disappeared
I moved on now
It seems unfair
Knowing time had stopped for you
Since I brought you here
To your peace
Aug 2018 · 127
Worst Thing In Life
The worst thing I think when I go home from work
Is that I need to lie again tomorrow
To push me out the bed
And get me brushing my teeth
I need to feel sorry again
For the time I spent awake
Thinking about my journey
A handful scenarios of defeat

All of these
Just to get me up the bus
To tell another lie
Just to be greeted with one
Almost decieving as the first
And when I thought things can't be worse
The truth hits me even harder
Realizing the effort I continue to make
Will go waste once I go back to bed
Aug 2018 · 290
The Grand Scheme of Things
We are one with the stars
In dust we form our history
Our paths may have diverged
Yet the scheme where we belong--
Kept the dust inside our body

We are one with the moons,
The comets that stretched out the sky
We are a whisper within a storm
A flicker on a candle
A tear under the rain

The dust will grow old and wither
Like the lives that succeeded the first
But the dust will meet its head
The dust will return to the scheme--
To the scheme where we all belong
Aug 2018 · 66
thingsishould'vesaid
Sadness is not the thought of being vain--
It is the euphoria behind the tears
That falls down from your face,
It is the ice that melts within your core
Until a flood of emotion erase any clearing
Sadness is not cast upon a person
It is an unwanted guest that eats within your table
It is not simple as being unhappy
Unhappy means the absence of joy
But sadness is the absence of contentment
Whenever I close my eyes
I try not to see your face
I try not to see your lips
I try not to read those sweet words escaping through your mouth

I try not to see the face I loved the most

Whenever I'm all alone
I try to drown the sound
I try to rest my chest
I try to tame my heart, running wild, unchained, and broken
I try not to hear the way you breath the air.

I try to ignore the hymn of you and me.

But whenever there is time
Just enough to catch a glimpse of the past
I can't help myself from seeing you and me linked and covered in the sheets
I can't help myself from seeing the way we used to be.

"The way we used to be together."

I am running out of words
I am running out of breath
Just like we're running out of time
Time to be together
Aug 2018 · 322
Humor Me
She thought and fought
The humor where I belong
Because she finds it a creep
A humor that is so dark,
Deep, and unnerving
Must be a joke
But no she's wrong
This is not a jest
She knew it too well
"My humor is dark", I said
"My humor is dark for a reason"
Aug 2018 · 62
Alliteration
Scars, scars, scars
All around the stars
Scars, scars, scars
Pick up all these shards

Knock, knock, knock
******* my gut
Knock, knock, knock
Why can't you just stop?

Leave, leave, leave
Roll down your sleeves
Please
Stretch out the sheets
Leave
Wipe out the tears

"Honey dear are you alright?"

"Yes mom, I'll go back to sleep."
Jul 2018 · 66
Callous and Cruel
About time I let myself come up callous and cruel,
I'll go get my shovel and bury the castle with you in it

With a stick and a pole, i'll mark it with ease
Never coming back, I'll be out in a bliss.
Less than a minute, less than an hour
Less than a glance, but less is enough
To teach my heart to do just one lie
Just one and save itself from you
Jul 2018 · 83
The Bed
I woke up drenched in fear
Numb and I couldn't stand

I stared at the ceiling
Stretched my arm but didn't felt warmth

My heart dazed, my mind blank
I searched something, maybe someone
I will never find again

"When did this bed got bigger?"

I woke up drenched in fear
Now I remember, it is when you left

"This bed surely is bigger now. I should be happy."

We always argue in our space in this bed
I pushed you to the side and let you sleep in the brink.

"How am I suppose to sleep with this tiny space?"

Each day you complain
A record that plays enveloping this bed

"Can you just let it slip away? Okay? Your voice is irritating."

You argued but I am stubborn
You insisted but I am immature

"Yeah, I should be happy now."

Now that the bed got bigger
And the corners are welcoming

You said you're tired
I thought you're just tired of work

But no, you aren't tired of work
You're tired of me--childish

"God, I should stop myself from crying."

I should be happy by now
Now that the bed just got bigger
And now that I won't have to hear that record anymore

"Can you just let it slip away? Okay? Your voice is irritating."
Jul 2018 · 56
Part 1
Tears fall behind every drop
Of the rain I prayed to grief
Along the scars I trace within this shroud
Of a thing I used to be

In the dark I stray alone
With a match within my hand
To find the path I used to walk
Beside the shrouds I came to be

I cast the stone upon myself
And let it drum throughout my chest
I let the sound echo through my ears
Unto the heart I've known to fear
Jul 2018 · 105
Grief
If I carry on your love
The love that cost you tears
Will you be able to get peace?
Knowing that your dreams--
Your last words and last breath
Is burried inside a rotting corpse
Walking across a barren field?

If I carry on my journey
To gather up my mind
That a long time ago broke in pieces
With bits scattered across this barren field
Will you be able to get peace?
Knowing that I collect shards of my psyche
With this bleeding hands
Patched with used up cloths?

Is it fine to be the one asking?
When I'm the one on the other side of the line
Safe and sound away from harm
Is it fine?
I hope not. I really do
Because in my mind it was never fine
To be the one on the other side of the line
To be the one to feel silence
Haunted--
Knowing that you're on the other side of the line
Sleeping
Jul 2018 · 141
One Inch Above The Floor
I came home late
Which is no surprise
Let my coat hang loose
Gripped the **** too tight

I sighed down the aisle
Where the frame of us stood
Embroidered with smiles
Standing still, much of a fool

I came home from work
Expected everything to be still
Yet when I turn to the room
The stillness took out my own will

I've known no bounds
Known no regrets up to the core
Until that moment when you flew
One inch above the floor

I choked in air
I never thought one can do
Failed to trust my own
Failed to balance myself

I've known no fear
Known no regrets up to the core
Until I saw my other heart
One inch above the floor
Jun 2018 · 130
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty pity you all
The horizon is red, the river is blood
Cracks open up the great crimson sod.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty chuckles seeing them crawl
There are no king's horses and no king's men
Just Humpty Dumpty laughing in his big quiet den.
Jun 2018 · 49
Shakespeare
Curtains call, curtains fall
A bow ends up a play
Play where we stood tall
But ended up falling arrayed

Curtains call, curtains fall
A bow ends up a play
At last this long sought tale
Will come to an end

To the end without you
To the end with just me
To the end one last time
Jun 2018 · 39
Maybe
Maybe I'm not worthy
Maybe I'm not

To those hugs and kisses
That shifts my heart to jump and trot

To those songs you play and hymn
That brings my world away from dim

To those shared secrets, said and done
That made me think "You're the one."

Yeah, maybe I'm not worthy
Maybe I'm not

To these caged feelings I'm now letting to rot
Jun 2018 · 62
Something Special
I wonder how will the world turn
If I could see everything in your eyes
I wonder how much difference would it make
When all is perfect and fine

If you could just realize how much I envy you
How can you say I'm so special?
You can be anything you want
I'm nothing compared to you

I knew I'm up to no good
But everytime I'm inside your arms
I could feel my heart alight my chest
That's something your love can do

I'll take a step reaching out to you
To make myself a better version of me
To make me that kind of special
Even being half as special as you

Look at my smile; I really adore you
I hope that you knew
That something special I told you
Was you, I love you.
:)
Jun 2018 · 315
Tie Me A Knot
Tie me a knot
A knot stronger than the wind
Tie me a knot--
A weapon I will wield

I'll carry it all day
Treasuring the knot you'll make
Walking a mile distance
From the draw out line I gave

Heave it strong and brave
Carefully making connections
Between the rope you made
And the rope I kept

Heave-- tie our ropes
The rope you used to save life
And the rope I used to end mine
Jun 2018 · 59
Two
Two
The rain befall my shields again
Withdrawn the sheets below the pain
And in my eyes all there is rain
To which my heart I knew would fail

I curled myself and dozed to sleep
Closed my eyes never left a blink
To start again my fleeting dream
And see that smile I dearly miss

Where does the time played in our life?
I'm seventeen still young and brim
Whereas you're two older than me
And now I'm two older than you

I couldn't believe the way it snapped
Sheared in two, teared in apart
While crimson dye flowed in and cracked
Which marked the start of my demise

You should've been strong so you could tell
That you needed me like I needed you
Now I'm two years older than you
The way younger sisters don't naturally do
I'm left here to age without you.
Jun 2018 · 67
Thee
Gaze upon the midnight sky
For the moon above is free
For the blinding stars and peaceful winds
I bow these down to thee
all of me is yours
Jun 2018 · 645
Crossing Andromeda
It took me a while to notice
What she kept on bugging me with
"Have you noticed something?" she asked
Without a doubt, this is her thousandth question
I shrugged her off
I thought it's just that easy
To get away from her
She clutched her hands away
She cut her hair shorter than usual
I noticed, how couldn't I?
Why do it even matter?

But then again, I remembered
I once asked her a question
As casual as it can get
"Would you ever let me die alone?"
Right after, the universe slowed
The only moment where time literally stopped
She crossed the Andromeda
To swallow me whole
Into her untimely hug
She said--
"Don't you love it when we're congruent?"

So with my untimely words for this untimely moment
I whispered unto her
"I liked what you did to your hair."
She bobbed her hair as minimal as she can
--My words just crossed Andromeda
"Don't you love it when we're congruent?"
Jun 2018 · 147
Leap of Fate
As I enter a world without tears-
The world without hope
My chest felt lighter
My breaths got steady

As the world I've known fade into nothingness
The path I had seemed clear
The steps began to fold
The rain just stopped to fall

I wonder if this is where we intersect
A point in life when we become one
Just like two strokes within a plane
Crossed in an uneventful turn of events

This maybe the scene you wanted to see
The view buried within your eyes
A place overlooking the fields
Of a place you'll never meet again

The wind blew dry
The moon burned so weak
Yet, with a night that cared so much
We jumped into unknown
Off you go. I'm next.

— The End —