I can't help but fall.
deeper,
deeper,
deeper.
These little blue and white pills pull me so far down.
Into darkness.
After two, I feel my once tense muscles begin to relax.
Three more and my eyelids start to get heavy.
Four more, my mind eases; thoughts drain themselves away.
Five more, and consciousness escapes me.
A sea of medicated sleep engulfs me.
I float away, far deeper than my sober being could wallow.
Here, I can't hear the voices. Inside, or out.
No one to remind me what a disappointment I am.
No mirror to look into and think about how disgusting the thing is, staring back at me.
No overwhelming thoughts to motivate a razor across my body.
Nothing.
No one.
Just the comforting silence of sweet dreamless sleep.
It's been a while.