The way is kindness
The way is truth
The way is honesty
They way is peace
The way is love
The way is light
The way is mercy
The way is grace
Loving people
No matter what
Learning to honor
The life
In every one
And everything else

We live in a world
Full of diseases
Full of pain
We live in a world
Where it seems
Like hate rules
Where antipathy
Rage
Violence
Wins the day
It seems like
The cure
Is hard to find
It can feel like
The world is doomed
But the cure
The antidote
Is a lot easier found
Its right in front of our eyes
We just have to be willing to see it
The antidote is love
Once you understand that
Everything else
Starts to fall into place

One last kiss,
One last embrace.
Then I go,
A new world to face.
A world of fighting,
A world of fears.
A world of sorrow,
And a world of tears.
But this world is my home,
I cannot escape!
But I cannot just cry,
Let my shoulders drape.
So I will dream of a better world,
A world without screaming,
A world without hate.
My world must end,
A new one to take its place,
But I will not go with it,
I will find my escape.

The wind blows harder up here,
As though it is trying to push
these skyscrapers toppling over.

The air is purer,
easier on the nose.
The normal gas fumes from the city buses
and the polluted, busy streets don't threaten to strangle you
when you're too high for them to reach.

The people are tiny.
Like ants in chaos,
scrambling
because you accidentally set a foot
on their grainy mound.

The sounds are distant.
Taxi horns' blow sounds like squeaks of mice
while construction workers' jack hammers mimic wood peckers.

Clouds suffocate the sky,
smothering the sunlight,
refusing to let it shine as it should.

Temptation sneaks up on me,
beckoning me
over the edge of the building.

Would it be such a bad idea?
Just one move, that's all it would take.
No effort required at all.

I picture myself jumping,
as I have multiple times before.

The wind in my hair,
gravity pulling me in,
the free falling feeling in my stomach.

And at this point,
Temptation almost makes me do it,
End it all.
But I decide against it.
And even though I have won
once again,
I still feel
defeated.

You told me my smile told you everything
The depth of my dimples,
The squintyness of my eyes.
          
          It all told you everything
          It told you what I was thinking and feeling.
          It told you my desires and needs.
          It spoke things my words could not.
                    
                    It said simple things too.
                    How much sleep I had gotten
                    If I had watched the sunrise,
                    If I had chosen tea over coffee,
                    If I had read the newspaper.

And this is why -you said- this is why you hated
to see me anything but happy.

          Because when I wasn't happy,
          my smile told you I was faking it.

                   And you hated being lied to.

The cascading crackle of thunder booms while
lightning is bright against the gray sky.
Rain crashes
like pouring a continuous bucket of water over the entire city.
Drowning the world below in sheets of wet and cold.

The lights flicker a few times
before going out
completely.

I'm accompanied by my closest companions.
Darkness and Silence.
They are here often.
They know they are welcome.

Darkness is an endless pit
I've stumbled upon
and fallen into.

Silence has always been with me.
Controlled me as though I were a
puppet, and she the
puppeteer.

They have become my only friends.
Forcing me away from "real" people.

But it's alright.
I've gotten used to being
Alone.

So here we sit,
accompanying one another.

*Darkness, Silence, and Alone

I'm disgusted by her image.

Disgusted by her finger nails; peeled of their polish and bit to the quick.

By her boring never dyed or cut, wavy hair with wisps falling around her face from the sloppy ponytail.

By the black Led Zeppelin tshirt shes wearing that drapes like a curtain around her skeleton; too big for her too thin body.

Disgusted by the scars on her forearms and wrists from multiple sessions with any sharp object she could find.

By her ripped jeans, hugging her small waist, scarred thighs and bruised legs.

I'm disgusted by the dark circles that round the bottoms of her empty eyes.

By the trail of hot tears down her sunken cheeks.

By the cowardly thoughts in her corrupted mind of suicide

because it'd be so much easier than this

I'm disgusted by her.
Staring back at me through a veil of tears
in the mirror.

We had a mutual hate for society.
The government's rations were irrational.
The economy's money had no worth.
The people's morals were immoral.
The religious had lost their faith.

We were stuck
in this world,
with no way out.

Before we had met each other,
neither of us had believed in that four letter word.
The one that people made a big deal over.
It had no meaning to either of us,
considering we never really knew what it was.
It's absence in our lives lead us to believe it didn't exist.

Plus,
Love was a kryptonite.
Who would let their guard down to be with some other
corrupted human being?
Certainly not I.
And sure as hell not you.

But just as any other cliche stupid love story would go,
destiny brought us together.

At first we were unsure of each other.
I had this undeniable habit of observing you from across the room,
And I'm sure you thought of me as some weird girl in your business class.

We ended up talking, and becoming friends.
But being "friends" lead to skipping class to make out in some hidden part of the school,
sitting on your lap at football games,
and texting all the time using winky faces and hearts.

I didn't think it was possible
but I had fallen for you.
Hard.
The way a toddler falls the first time they ride a bike.
Or the way Humpty Dumpty fell from his wall.

There was no putting me back together.

Unfortunately, at the time I didn't know how you felt.
and neither did you.

An opportunity came to me in which I had to make a decision.
Put up a fight and stay or just go with the flow and leave.

I never thought I could change anything between our "friends with benefits" relationship
and this paradise had nothing left to offer me, so I left.

And I guess the saying
"you never know what you have until it's gone"
showed true for you because you noticed my absence.

Every time the teacher would call my name for attendance
you would respond
"she isnt here"

Six Months Later..

I went to visit for a few days.
I spent three of those days with you.
I had called you, told you I was in town.

When I saw you,
I was actually happy. Genuinely happy.
Which is saying a lot,
considering the rain cloud of depression that had been hanging over me for a while.

At first we were just like we used to be,
sarcastic ******* to each other.

In the middle of me ******* about something,
you grabbed my waist,
pulled me closer,
looked at me with those eyes of yours,
and kissed me.

I realized then how much I had missed you.
Your electrical touch,
the taste of your lips,
the intoxicating smell that radiated from your skin
of sweet vanilla and laundry detergent.

I couldn't stop the feelings I had for you
from coming back.
I loved and hated how weak you made me.

My knees would buckle,
threatening to give out from beneath me.
My chest would burn,
as though I had swallowed a million fireworks
and they were all going off at once.
And My heart.
I hated the way it ached to tell you that I loved you.

I had once believed the word was meaningless;
Just something people said to each other to shut the other person up.

But no.
It was much more than that.
And you pulled the true definition into my view.

Allowed it to take on different meanings,
gave me situations to connect it to,
and feelings to associate it with.

It's safe to say you taught me to love;
just as the world taught me to hate.

But your lesson had far more value than any other I'd had or would have.

i tell myself someday i'll start living
not just breathing and moving
and using fake ****** expressions
i don't wanna make waves as a freshmen
'cause i know one you throw the stone
you don't control the ripple
and the waves can reach many shores
so i'm afraid to become attached
and afraid to say how i feel
i'm not comfortable with myself
hell, i'm barely comfortable with people
if it weren't for my three really good friends
Camille, Elizabeth, and Lexi
would i still smile
no
would i start living
no

living, to me, is doing what you love
every **** day
and loving people
and being happy
all the time
and listening to music that makes you dance
going outside
being able to sit with people and not wanting to leave, or feeling like your being judged
not judging yourself
loving yourself
making beautiful art, but no one gets it except you
and when someone does understand it, you fight for them, because you know it's meant to be
and if they slip through you  hands, you move on
no regrets
no broken promises
you go after each dream
every **** one

and one day, you'll die
but you won't say "i wish i did this..."
you'll smile and say
"i'm glad i did this..."

i think it's the saddest thing in the world that some people aren't living
in a sense, they are already dead
they are just atoms moving through the air
until the air stops coming
and the atoms cease to move
they die
never knowing
life