I have a space for obsessing.
And ur just the right candidate.
Its not about you.
Its about the design of my mind.
Ur just the material.
The trigger to my behavior.
Of keeping secrets.
Maybe i could end it if i
Was like a child.
And spell it out loud.
But it festers in the cold dark of my imagination.
You dont even deserve my fascination.
I tried fighting this illness.
We can escape everything but ourselves.
So i stay chained.
In thoughts revolving you.
Just know if i had a choice.
I would choose not to.

where once anxiety bites
now numbness devours.
watching people take their fill
while i eat out of an empty bowl.
the price of sanity it seems
is the whole soul.

Please dont break this perfect illusion
And tell me you love me.
A illusion that feels
Closest thing to real.
Exactly what I need to heal
Sensations of metallic tasting wounds.
Surrounding me.
I need your love.
Wanting is not even an option for me.
Stay with me.
Until I want to leave.

Did I ask to be alive.
And how do I end it.
I'm just a voice.
Without a body.
Or face to carry it.

Just thoughts seeping out
The same things that keeps possessing me.
Maybe I will just lay.
And drip my whole life away.

I'm out of rhythm
I'm tired of dancing.
Its hard to breathe.
And I got a marathon to run.
Every morning.
My legs are tired.
And I'm aching.
I wish I could let go of the heavy burden.
The load I'm carrying.
But somehow
The boulder talks back to me.
He says I need him to keep my gravity.
Because without him I will fly
So fast to the moon.
I will die from it.

Nowhere to go
Nothing to do
Nobody to be.