I love you
Please don’t let go of my hand
Are you ashamed of me?
Wait stop
What did I do?
Don’t
Please don’t squeeze it so har-
Ow!
That hurts please let go
What are you doing?
Stop please stop pushing your
Fingers between my collar bones
What are you doing?
Please stop, I love you*

This isn’t love, not at all
There isn’t a single bit
Of affection on his fingertips
When he shoves you on the floor
That ache that you feel when you touch
Your bruises? You tell yourself it’s love
Manifested so deep
Only something as intense as pain could show it
I know it hurts
It hurts when he calls you names
But it hurts more to think
That this isn’t love
Not at all
You’re doing everything
You can you’ve held him after
He hit you when he cries and
He swears he will be a
Better man.
“He can get better, I swear.
It wasn’t his fault,
I shouldn’t have done that.”
Darling, stop.
Stop bending over backwards for
A boy who only wants
To break your spine.
Stop giving him forgiveness undeserved
And apologies unnecessary.
Stop covering your bruises and
leaving your wounds unstitched
Stop bleeding for a boy
Who will never clean up the stains
Stop crying for
A boy who only laughs at your tears
Stop
This is not love.
Not at all
You’re too beautiful for these bruises
And dark circles under your eyes
You’re too strong for these wounds
You’re too important to let this
Boy take away your life
This isn’t the love that you deserve.
This isn’t love, not at all.
You are more than
Your bruises and you are
More than your scars you are so much
More than the names he calls you
And your tear stained pillow cases.
Honey, dry your eyes.
Stitch your wounds.
Straighten up your spine
You are so
Much more than this.
Say goodbye
Because this isn’t love
Not at all.

When you're so tired that your eyes cannot stay open
And you no longer feel like you have a purpose
When everything hurts and you cannot fake your smile anymore
You've been fighting way too long and finally you give up
You have won many battles
But you have lost this war
That is when you give in

You give in and let your eyes fall shut
You drift away into sleep
Before you fall off of the edge of conciousness
You bite your lip and pray
You pray to never open your eyes again
You pray that maybe
Just..
       maybe...
You will not
wake up

I don't think you know what that feels like
You will never know how it feels
To wake up
And be disappointed
And try to convince yourself it's a dream
You will never know how it feels
To be burdened by your own existence
You will never know how it feels to look in the mirror
And truly hate what you see

No, don't you ******* tell me you know how it feels
Just because you don't like your nose
Or you're sad sometimes
Just because you get angry
Or tell your little brother you hate him
You are not depressed
You are not a prisoner of your own mind

So shut up
Because you will never know how it feels
To live every single day
Wishing it would all end
Wishing people would just
stop
caring
Wishing you could disappear

You will never know how it feels
Don't tell me that you do
Because you don't

You will never know how I feel
You will never know what it is like

To be
b
u
  r
   d
    e
     n
      e
      d
by your own ******** existence.

It's early morning
I'm sitting here
My pen in hand
Eager to get something on this page
But the words won't come
And it's no fun
Without you here with me

I'm awfully mediocre, darling
I have nothing original to offer
All I can do is hold this pen
And hope that words will come

Or maybe I can search for words or quotes
And tangle them together
In hopes of making some sort of art
To explain how I am feeling

Because I'm awfully mediocre
And I have nothing original to offer
I so desperately want to write to you
And tell you how I'm feeling
But my tongue is tied
My brain is in knots
And I'm growing rather weary

Yes, I can take words from others
And send them to you
But none of them can ever compare
To the loneliness I feel
And the sorrow I bare
Living my life without you

People will read many stories about depression
With similes and metaphors and a bunch of other figurative *******
They'll feel a sense of comfort in the fact that they understand those
simple
         little
               rhymes...

But I do not

Because words on paper can never communicate this feeling
Words cannot express the emptiness and struggle I have within myself
Day after ******* day

I am drowning in my own mind
I am gasping for air with every word write
Every word that I read
I write
I read
I gasp
I cannot breathe

Because I am drowning in my own mind
And I've forgotten how to swim
I am no longer able to tread water
My body has given up
I've lost every ounce of strength I might have once had
And I am ready to stop gasping
I am ready to let go
And sink

My mind won't surrender
My body is giving up but my mind won't let go
I can no longer tread this water, but my mind refuses to sink
I cry and I cut and I pray to whatever god there may be
I pray
That my mind
Will drown.

My head is still above the waves
But my body
My soul
My life
Has drowned