all of the poems i try to bleed feel incomplete
so that's why i haven't really written anything lately

i guess it's kind of like

sometimes you want something so much that you can feel it boring a hole through your soul
but when you get it you just go numb and your heart won't believe it

i guess.

i don't know.

maybe i just got so used to pessimism
or maybe i just got so used to everything being so dark

maybe i forget hope sometimes because i haven't been looking at Him

either way, i'm trying

not all those who wander are lost.

I kissed you because it felt so right
I kissed you because I knew it was wrong
I kissed you because I felt a connection that we both said we lost with our current partners
I kissed you because I knew from the moment I saw you accross the room that you would mean something to me and by something I mean everything
I kissed you because she can't
I kissed you because my undeveloped brain acts too much on emotion and impulsity and not enough on logic
I kissed you because the way the moonlight reflected your face was so beautiful
I kissed you because I couldn't pay attention to what you were saying because I was too focused on your lips and not the words coming out of them
I kissed you because it was the perfect response
I kissed you because the look in your eyes was something I couldn't explain with any words
I kissed you because I can't possibly explain to you how I feel when those sweet eyes meet mine
I kissed you because when I heard that song at work with the lyrics that I no longer remember I knew you were perfect
I kissed you because you have what she doesn't
I kissed you because you deserve to be kissed, actually you deserve much more than a kiss from me
You deserve a Grammy worthy kiss from a scene in a cheesy movie
I kissed you because I hadn't felt those caterpillars in my stomach burst into beautiful butterflies in so long
I kissed you because there wasn't anything else in the world that I wanted more in that very moment
I kissed you because it felt so right

But now it feels so *wrong

ABC

Aroused body,
coquettish dancing.
****** fondling,
groping hugging.
Intense jealousy,
***** loving.
Massage naked,
oral pleasure.
Quiet romance,
swingers teasing.
Unholy ******,
wet Xanadu,
voyeurs zooming.

your fingers would tiptoe across my palms, and it made me feel alive.

the first time you touched me, i figured out what the purpose of butterflies really were.
the first time you touched me, i almost believed you were trying to create an army of them,
    that they were going to break down the maze inside my head
    that i would become some disgustingly lovesick drone

i don’t know why i ever doubted myself

the butterflies don’t visit me anymore,
they’ve done their job.

my feelings are neutralised.
my body is numb.
and you hold me like the touch of another would contaminate me.
your embrace is a cage,
but one i have built myself.

The city sits above your eyes,
in dark mascara strokes.
Your soft pink lips are chapped and tried
unglossed, and un-baroque.

The flowers of a garden’s growth
are painted on each iris.
The laughter and the sadness, both
are on your cheeks that i kiss.

Your body sparkles, freckles brushed
are baked in your warm skin.
A bellybutton slightly pushed
by God’s last touch, thumb pin.

You'll occupy my bed,
for a day or two,
regardless of whether or not
I am in it.
//
Then you'll leave.
For a few days,
a week,
a few weeks.
//
While you're gone
the coffee will still be made,
the showers will still be taken,
and bed time stories will still be read.
//
However,
my body will shiver
without your heat,
and I'll go to bed earlier,
without your heat.
//
I may not play my guitar,
and I may not memorize my lines
while you're present.
But God ******, you're present.
//
//
The sun shines
and it will continue to shine
and the clocks tick
and they will continue to tick
and my love yearns
and it will someday cease yearning.
Cease burning.
Cease.
/
Just as your presence has
ceased.

Maybe if I had your address,
Or knew what you liked,
I'd send you little things
To let you know it will be alright.

Maybe if we were closer,
Maybe if we had talked more,
I'll drive on over,
And knock on your door.

Maybe if I could,
Maybe if I had,
I'd find any way
To ensure you weren't so sad.

Maybe if I knew what happened,
Maybe if I knew why,
I'd search around until
I found a reason for your rhyme.

Maybe someone does this for you already-
I sure hope that's true.
I sure hope your chin stays up,
Long enough to make it through.

And maybe you're treading a path alone,
With only your demons in tow;
They'll disappear someday,
And in your heart, flowers will grow-

Up through your spine,
Finding a path to your mind
The flowers can spread their beauty
In all the cracks they find.

I hope flowers burst out of your soul,
And someday shine through your eyes,
Because sadness comes and goes my dear,
So please don't let your cries

Be what waters your flowers.
Rather, instead,
Water them with faith in overcoming,
With all of the words I have said.

Water them with your quirks,
Your ambitions, your smile-
Let the flowers take over your body;
I promise it's worth your while.

Someday you'll be a garden,
Colorful and healthy, happy and bright-
You'll be a representation of growth,
My dear, you'll be one hell of a sight.

So maybe if you read this,
Always remember, always know
That flowers grow upon whoever
Kindly reaps what they sow.

your hands on my body
made me feel *****
                                 but I said nothing.
your lips on my mouth
stole my innocence
                                  but I said nothing.
your ugly words
made me want to run
                                 run without stopping
                                  run from the danger of a man
                                                             ­                a man with a hunger
                                                          ­                               a hunger for the parts of me that I wanted                  
                                        ­                                          to protect
with a word
                                  but I said nothing.      

I couldn't find the word
                          the word that would have saved me
it was hidden
            hidden by fear
                                fear of the threats you never made
                                                    threats you didn't have to make
                                           unless I said that word
                                                            ­        that word that rose in my throat
                                                       but couldn't shake my tongue
                                 so I said nothing.