Kelly Landis: Favorites

Aug 2013 Kelly Landis

Morgan

I like my body
And I use it to express myself
Which is legitimate and fine
Because it is mine
It belongs to me
So when you,
Who I trust
Respect
And confide in
Condemn me for
the choices that I make
I feel like my walls are caving in
Like there's not a mind left on this planet
who understands, who loves, who cares
If I can't come to you
I am alone
You abandoned me
Made my skin feel cold
Left me out
Used my confessions to hurt me
Abuse me
Minimize me
You made me feel stupid
Small
Incapable
You mocked my self respect
Tore it out from under me and distorted it
Tried to convince me I didn't own it
I never thought I'd find so much hate
Hidden inside of someone I loved so deeply
You have no idea the pain you've caused
When you decided to
tell me how to live
As if I'm too ******* pathetic
To know on my own
You think you're better than me
You think I should hate myself
Well I don't
But I do hate you

Aug 2013 Kelly Landis

To Inhale You

Aug 2013 Kelly Landis

Morgan

To Inhale You

I wanna be the drug in your syringe
Inject me into your skin
I'll patch up those holes in your veins
From the inside out
I wanna be the vase you pick flowers for
and leave on your night stand
I'll bleed lavender into your dreams
while you sleep
I wanna be the water that flows through
the stream behind your house
Swim with me
I'll cradle you peacefully
I wanna be the pillow you rest your head on
Cry over me
I'll absorb your tears deep into me
I wanna be the CD you play on your way to work
Sing along to me
I'll take you there safely
I wanna be the broken glass
window at your mom's house
I wanna show you
I wanna be the rear view mirror
on your dad's wrecked pick up truck
I wanna show you
I wanna be the notebook
you filled with angry words in high school
I wanna know you
I wanna be the guitar
you first found yourself with
I wanna know you
I wanna taste the stutter in your voice
The brink of your vulnerability
I wanna breathe in your pain
Over a cigarette
On your back porch
I wanna breathe you in
*I want to be in your bed
I swear everything you
say goes straight to my head
I want to be in your bed

Jul 2013 Kelly Landis

And Lalala Goes The Vicious Cycle

Jul 2013 Kelly Landis

Morgan

And Lalala Goes The Vicious Cycle

I'm afraid of your consistent apathy
The way your body sits still
and patient through
days of excruciating pain or
the way your hands stay
folded in your lap as your
phone rings in your pocket
I'm afraid of the drugs running
laps in your veins
while your eyes sink into your skull
creating hollow shadows on your face
I'm afraid of losing you
Or refusing to accept that I already have
I'm afraid that if I never had you I'd have nothing to write about
Equally afraid of every crumpled page in this bedroom that has your name etched into its margin
I'm afraid of the catching in my throat at five in the morning
And the cigarette in my hand that makes it happen
I'm afraid of the sizes in my clothes
Or maybe I'm just afraid of how much time I've wasted trying to decrease them
I'm afraid of the silent agony
that is too often conveyed in a stranger's eye
I'm afraid of how flawlessly I've learned to lie
I'm afraid of the people who don't have any of the things that they need
But I'm more afraid of the people who have all of the things that they want
I'm afraid of my best friend
I'm afraid that he doesn't know how to love
And I'm afraid that I don't help him as much as I can
I'm afraid that I'm afraid to change
Cause
One day fades
An other blends in
And lalala this is life
*When will I be afraid enough
To make it end

Jul 2013 Kelly Landis

Love Comes in Unfair Weather

Jul 2013 Kelly Landis

Morgan

Love Comes in Unfair Weather

There is nothing convenient about answering a call to be flooded with a sea of tears & thoughts at four in the morning when you need to be up at seven or a collection of band tees cluttering your closet space.

There is nothing convenient about driving 100 miles an hour down the freeway in the middle of a shift or missing a lighter every time you go to smoke.

There is nothing convenient about standing in the rain until a fight is resolved or finding melted guitar picks all over your laundry.

A love that exists according to convenience
is not a love at all

You'll know the first time you decide to kiss his scars instead of your own because all of a sudden the pain radiating from his eyes hurts worse than the pain growing from your core.

You'll know the first time you find yourself spending countless hours caring for his friends because all of a sudden everyone who matters to him matters to you.

*You'll know the first time you decide that the sound of his voice & the scent of his skin are worth being inconvenienced for the rest of your life because the lack of either feel like the end of the world.

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

Drunk Love Poem #Drunk for a Week

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

Jon Tobias

Drunk Love Poem #Drunk for a Week

I feel like I have fox-holed my gut
Sleeping only in the shape of a ball

And I have folded the thought of you into a trench
so that I might sleep safely tonight

But I have learned how not to be lost
In the sharpening of my shoulder blades
I have learned never to shrug
In the off chance I will
shed my wings
and truly be lost

Come back to me

I have been drunk for a week now
and I feel like your breath will sober me up

I want to hold your head like a sunrise
strands of gold drizzle out to the tips of my fingers

I am buzzing
Lacking structure

Your smile
like a hammock hanging from the laugh lines in your eyes

You laugh like a runway held up by your own cool breath

I want to place my mouth there
In darkness, aquatic nightlight glow

Your skin, goose bump braille
a language I am still learning

My fingertips
tracing the topography of your smooth

Your landscape
I want to get lost

My hands
your skin
My drunk
your breath

Come back to me
Sober me up

Read this along with several other poems last night at a poetry reading in San Diego. Of all the places I feel I am most in my element, on a stage reading poetry is a second home to me.

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

Untitled

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

Ann Beaver

Untitled

I learned the smell of disappointment
By drinking scotch with you.
Shimmering new
Tossed carelessly
Into a simmering stew.
A cold so hot it's blue
I didn't know if I should kick off the blanket
Or wrap it tightly around my neck.
Sprawled out on the deck
I knew no morals
Swimming through the corals
I knew no mortality
I learned the smell of futility
By drinking scotch with you.

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

My Heart is a Melting Pot

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

Morgan

My Heart is a Melting ***

You sewed your arms into the edges of my mattress. A year later the thread fell apart. You'd still wrap yourself in my sheets & lie awake counting imperfections in my ceiling tiles. But you were not a part of this place anymore and less and less you came around. I missed you. You wrote your name on every line and in every margin of my life but over time those letters had to efface. You were not a part of this place anymore and less and less you'd take ink to those old pages. I missed you. You synced your voice into my cellphone but over time it was consumed by static. You were not a part of this place anymore and less and less you'd call to say goodnight. I missed you.
But my heart is a melting ***
And I drained you out

He etched himself into my skin
He stretched his sleeves over my arms
He melted his knees into my thighs
He poured blue hues from his eyes into
the brown of mine
He left his lips on my teeth
He grew his limbs like branches of a tree all
over my bed frame
My mornings are coffee and cologne
And my evenings, insence and ****
I don't even know how to keep missing you
I'm sorry

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

42 Reasons Why You're Gonna Be Okay

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

Morgan

42 Reasons Why You're Gonna Be Okay

Jasmine rice and green tea
Sambuca and coffee
Cigarettes and ***
Whiskey and scary movies
Cigars and wine
Lap dances and nature walks
Tattoos and Vanilla lips
Ripped jeans and strawberries
Summer nights and smeared lipstick
Strong arms and weak hearts
Tall legs and short tempers
Cappuccino and thick tummies
Piercings and snow storms
Hot chocolate and fireplaces
Sweat pants and afternoon naps
Early mornings with no where to go
Boys and girls who kiss super slow
Conversations that give you butterflies
Staying in bed all day
Crying for hours
Feeling your collar bones
Watching scars fade away
Skinny dipping
Stretching
Laughing
Falling in love
Or out of hate
With yourself
Or anyone else

And
Ya know
People are always ******* tripping over ****.
If all else fails, at least look for that

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

The Counting Game

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

Morgan

The Counting Game

I have ink where my skin should be.
You trace it with your finger tips
every time you kiss me.
There are planes and sky scrapers
where the stars should be
in this cluttered city.
I pulled over at four in the morning
Lit a flare & lied down in the middle of the road.
I watched the sky fade
from black to gray and back again.
I counted the long faded, white scars on my wrists & my thighs until the morning sun swallowed me.
You counted unread text
messages as you sent them.
One
Hey where are you
Two
Please I'm worried
Three
Not this again
Four
I can't do this tonight
Five
Please don't
Six
Please don't **** yourself
Seven
I love you
Eight
I'm calling the police
Nine
Just make it through this night
Ten
Call me in the morning
****** sweetheart,
I did it again.
I'm sorry.
I fell off of the planet.
I melted into the night.
Please believe me angel
when I say,
I'm not going away from here.
I'm just going ******* crazy.

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

Lustin All Over The Place

Jun 2013 Kelly Landis

Morgan

Lustin All Over The Place

The air is light
Your breathing is getting heavy
I could taste the tobacco on your tongue
And now I'm imagining that pretty, black lung
You're whispering in my ear
I could smell the whiskey on your teeth
I could taste the **** on your lips
Tattoos from your collar bones to your shoes
And metal in your face
You skanked into this pit like you owned it
Well, ****
Now you own me