I'm afraid of your consistent apathy
The way your body sits still
and patient through
days of excruciating pain or
the way your hands stay
folded in your lap as your
phone rings in your pocket
I'm afraid of the drugs running
laps in your veins
while your eyes sink into your skull
creating hollow shadows on your face
I'm afraid of losing you
Or refusing to accept that I already have
I'm afraid that if I never had you I'd have nothing to write about
Equally afraid of every crumpled page in this bedroom that has your name etched into its margin
I'm afraid of the catching in my throat at five in the morning
And the cigarette in my hand that makes it happen
I'm afraid of the sizes in my clothes
Or maybe I'm just afraid of how much time I've wasted trying to decrease them
I'm afraid of the silent agony
that is too often conveyed in a stranger's eye
I'm afraid of how flawlessly I've learned to lie
I'm afraid of the people who don't have any of the things that they need
But I'm more afraid of the people who have all of the things that they want
I'm afraid of my best friend
I'm afraid that he doesn't know how to love
And I'm afraid that I don't help him as much as I can
I'm afraid that I'm afraid to change
Cause
One day fades
An other blends in
And lalala this is life
*When will I be afraid enough
To make it end