you haven't lived
until you've been in a
flophouse
with nothing but one
light bulb
and 56 men
squeezed together
on cots
with everybody
snoring
at once
and some of those
snores
so
deep and
gross and
unbelievable-
dark
snotty
gross
subhuman
wheezings
from hell
itself.
your mind
almost breaks
under those
death-like
sounds
and the
intermingling
odors:
hard
unwashed socks
****** and
*******
underwear
and over it all
slowly circulating
air
much like that
emanating from
uncovered
garbage
cans.
and those
bodies
in the dark
fat and
thin
and
bent
some
legless
armless
some
mindless
and worst of
all:
the total
absence of
hope
it shrouds
them
covers them
totally.
it's not
bearable.
you get
up
go out
walk the
streets
up and
down
sidewalks
past buildings
around the
corner
and back
up
the same
street
thinking
those men
were all
children
once
what has happened
to
them?
and what has
happened
to
me?
it's dark
and cold
out
here.

someone once told me,
"you're not one for drinking"
but there's a beer in my hand
because I've gotten sick of thinking
rather wake up with a twist
in my stomach
Oh, how was I to know
that highschool holds heartbreak
how was I to know
that college does too
no one ever told me
that home is not a place
it's a feeling inside you
which sometimes gets erased
these words taste sour
let's face it
I'm
hurting

stop pretending
you can't fake a black veil that weighs down shoulders
and grips the heart
I'm sorry I don't know who I am anymore
but that shouldn't change who you are