I feel like a big man
in a straight jacket
who has just learned
despite all his strength
he'll never break the restraints

I'm not saying
you should ever give up

Just relax when you can
Don't fight so hard
You'll be free soon enough

It is  what loneliness feels like on late nights
and I find myself drunk texting poetry

I want to make your ears time capsules
for the things I have to say

Sometimes I settle for your phone

I want to wake up
in the morning
with a message from you

A picture of your smile
Your smile
Your stupid beautiful smile

It is all I ever really wanted anyway

Sit beside me for a moment and tell me what makes you feel like a snowstorm in summer.

I want to feel your pain then break its neck.
Let's run away on highways made of clouds hand in hand.

Come here. Let me feel your skin. Let me me hear you breathe. Let me see you grin with hidden plans.



I want to listen to your body roar.

I like a man with fire in his bones
And where his head should be,
There is a home.

And I wax and wane like the moon
If you turn away you might miss me,
I'll be gone soon.

Finally the door
has opened just a crack
my toes are almost in
and I'm already ready
to not look back
while I fall into another life.

The posted photo
made on somones computer
looked like loneliness
dressed as wisdom
and begged you to believe the fallacy

It said
Don't fall in love when you're lonely
fall in love when you're ready

You will never learn how love works
if you save it

give it away
get hurt
give it away again

Love takes practice

And even if finding my love
looks like the crackhead's
needle in the haystack

Know that my love isn't *****
You won't get sick from my love
It is just that my love has been used

And that is all that love ever wanted anyway
was to be used

It is not some Star Wars action figure
Meant to never be opened
to maintain value

Imagine Luke Skywalker's
Anger at you upon tasting fresh air
Thinking
Have you seriously been keeping this from me?

Have you seriously been keeping this from me?

My love is pure
Been refined
by the filter of bodies
and coming back to me

My love is top shelf
but it is always free

I am lost,
Only to be complete in my brokenness...
An imagination left to its fragments -
Almost methodically widdled down to dust,
My body left mindless,
My soul in shambles -
I am empty.

An uninhabited cup waiting to be filled,
A blank canvas needing paint -

Who am I to wander this world?
Who am I to love someone?
Who am I to exist?

This is going to start out as a story about
Not knowing if you are fully alive and awake or
Still lying in bed, dead asleep.

But, we'll see where that takes us...

Opening scene

It's 2:54am.
He wakes up in a fury
He's covered in sweat
and for some reason he's crying.
But the room is so dark that
He doesn't quite know where he is.
I fall to the floor and scramble around for
The little light under the door but it's not there
and he panics, he screams out but there is no sound.
Just then the floor drops down and he is standing backwards
In the kitchen by the sink and the carpets stink like
Burnt hair and then he feels the heat
Of the devil's spawn or the devils *****
One of them and then one more
They lick up his spine and burn places
That he has hurt before
I turn around sharply
To find the clock
and the time that read
Could not really be real
It was 3:33am
Am I losing my mind?
What is this Hell?

Then the walls fell
and I lost everything again.

                        *Blood
                       ­          guts
                   - Strange *** -

They need it.
I need

Outside

               11:34am.
The man walks out of his house
The two steps are now three
The back porch is on the front porch
There is daylight and
The trees aren't there
The sky is green and
The grass is red
I've always hated christmas.

Then suddenly,
The swans appear
Black and white
They begin to pick the flesh
From his muscles
and the trees sprout out
and they are crying now
and the clouds are melting down
Onto the ozone layer
How sad this life is.

The man is still awake and in no pain
Just confused on why time slipped by
And brought these bats in the day instead of night
He closes his eyes. . .
But only for a second just to take it in and when
He opens them it was nighttime again and
He is alone in his front yard
He looks above him. . .

The stars are more beautiful than they have ever been
He drinks down the cool water of the universe
and goes back inside to lay down
It's 4:05am.

This time he lays on the couch
in the living room. . . there is
  Something right about this
          For now at least.
         He closes his eyes
   There arises a strange smile
His back begins to peel again like
Those ******* ****** are back and
  There were strange operations
   and monsters moving around
     So violently screaming and
       Slashing and ripping out
                 The better half of
          The man's sanity
            and I can't see. . .

Anything but this madness and
I don't know what time it is because
   He can't move
                             His eyes burst open
Like water from a fall
       and he lies there in such terror as he
Watches the hall scream down farther
and farther away from him so far
away that he thought briefly of his father
                                                and his mother
                                                and his sister
                                                and his lover
I wanted them near me
More than ever. . .

I then became weightless
He knew he couldn't fight it
You will never win this
I know, I will never find him
You won't make it out alive
Well we'll just have to see in due time. . .

The demons then became anxious by this
and from it they began their most
Ultimate Unholy Vengeance

So the man lied there still
and let them **** him
Until the blood in his heart
Became too fierce to stop
and too hot to boil
So the man lashed out
With a blue vein in hand
To end this horrible mashing
Of the minds and
To note the time
It was 11:34am.

What a strange hour to stand.

Will (t)his torment ever end?
Does this man even live?
and then. . .
                     I woke up
           I opened my eyes for real!
and there was my father standing before me
                Gun in hand

"Let's go!" He said. . . "We can make it out of this."

            *******.
    The woods were thick
But the dive was nice
We drove around and talked about old ****
           Good times.

**** what they told me!

I'm gonna make it out of this alright.

And then. . .
                                                               ­                     I
                                          ­                         woke up/fell asleep.

I remember slamming the door in your face.
Gosh, you made me so ****** angry sometimes.
You'd yell at me "I don't even love you!"
And I'd tell myself it didn't matter because you weren't easy to love either.
In the mornings sometimes you'd lie there in my bed laughing.
Those were always the best times between the two of us.
You'd tell me to pretend things were always that way
And I'd try, but it never worked.
There were some nights that it took everything in me not to walk away.
I'd stay up sobbing because I knew I could't love you the way I was supposed to.
I was so angry, but more at myself than I was at you.
I wanted to fix all the brokenness inside of you, but I didn't know how.
Things never did get better and one day you left.
Maybe there's someone out there who knows how to mend you back up.
But the someone's not me.