If you wanted to be...the ocean
But find you are not but a wave
One of the many in an ocean full
Consider the fate that did not make....
              ...you a splash in a kiddies pool
So be a wave of full on evaluation
Of all earned worth and consideration
Wash clean the beach of rocks turned sand
Across the eons they churned that span
And pound the beach with unrelenting force
While carving stone in artistic  division and divorce
You may think less the station in life you possess
While all around the world are these trickling streams
        carving while pounding surf haunts their  farthest dreams

There are no ghosts on the static platform
To mark the pivot place where thoughts did form
No trail worn down to mark inspirations passing
Or any way to marvel at all norms they were surpassing
No visionary acuity to be remarked upon by latent hoards
Bent upon the profit margins your trial blazing such affords
Those less keen to  that instinctual drive you own
Left to wander aimlessly by arbitrary lack your  need to atone
By taking no stance , no ownership - those victories and defeats
May sow success and grow victories like flowers at your feat
To what avail if you fail and leave no trail of honest benediction
So honor the whims of chance, and circumstance take a stance
Where question and answer meet foregoing that need to dance
That now days seems so much a driving force by knowing
Wrong answers given are now scribed forever to be showing
No ghost then lives at that pivot point to mark where you turned
Those are not mistakes you find  fear of forever towing behind
They are the markers of the way you came to be....
               ...that you that you designed. !!

Will we find them
Those who believe in just
Just us and justice
Or just the collateral
Both the cost
And the damage
Refrain from
The pain and the strain

We seem to be so ... Much
.. in opposition
But how can that be
If we don't all understand the mission

Clicking along mile after mile clicks in kilometers distance
We need an intermission an
inner mission
Some real resistance
Legality formality it All leads down the hole to mans mortality
Justice became speed bumps
for the rich and powerful
All men are created equal?
Then let's start with some enhancements
More human less technological
Until we get back to that place where humans can be logical
More persistent ... Less insistence
And our opposition should become less resistance

At least we can hope that
human nature is actually
humananallogical

What love beyond
The treasures mount
Of sailing winds
Or spewing fount
Past pure Blue skies
And pristine eyes
That see inside you
Like second sight
What universal wonder
And excitements await
To assist your memories
Those yet to come and
Those still to touch
What dog will be there
awaiting  your reunion
On what eternal spaceship
Will your sights behold
Those things
Your fingertips have yet to touch?

I have wasted time wanting
And wanted time to waste
Passed up those good intentions
Intending to stop back by
At my own perceived convenience
Convenient perception is hindsight in reverse
And when I sought to make it better
My thoughts but made it worse

             I'm so sorry
       For all those things
I never saw
For what they really were!

Why do I think
it's okay to lie to people
first of all I live in the real world
not a building with a cross and a steeple
be that as it may
I guess you could say
I lie to people only to avoid the truth
that may sound stupid
that may sound hubrusistic,
comatosly mystic,
patreonystic
anyway but how I see it ...as...
Yes...
.. I'm going to say it...
altruistic !

come with me if you will
to a place where truth lives and lies collide
like a frantic manic,
about to reach the high score and more
on a pinball game
just past that quarter slot
where deep inside
like echoing chamber
sounds
of  quarters hitting quarter
Reverberations
the Mockingjay sound
of flippers flapping
All just past the signpost
flashing... tilt
to the place called MyLieAtZone

Up to a point I tell only truths
like some cackling clown
bobbing up and down
in a sideshow booth
or maybe more apt
is the clown that sits
Upon the slat
Just above the water tank
goading you
into sling sling slinging
baseball after baseball
as each and every zing
He chooses to string
seems to ring
closer to the core of who... You... Are...
But as you never wish to be seen

The angrier you get
trying not
to just get him wet
but to drown the clown
the farther you miss!!!
the closer he is
to seeing how close he is ...to yours
and that is what gets you the most
how to the crowd around you
he begins to boast
then he stops reading you
begins leading you ...
...into the house of horrors
and to think
all he did is watch for you to lie
in order to deny
that you are or could be...
those things...
... you hope no one else may see

But you are... They are... The clown perched upon the slat ... People in church ... Synagogues... Libraries... And the guy at the local bar... Me... And you we all go through... The tunnel of horrors

And all I can say is....

So ...freaking ...what?

Why do I lie when a truth would be better?
I don't - I won't -
At least not when the truth
( As you say)  would be better
I lie to not be honest
I lie to not expose
personal details best left private
I find a lie , a flat tire , a traffic jam
much better than
to say I'm exhausted
near catatonic
From having an all-nighter an argument
with my significant other

OH BROTHER  come closer
and let me tell you of a sinner
yep an all-nighter
an argument
about how to end a fight
That's right

It's better to go with a flat tire
A traffic jam late babysitter
before I would tell the truth
and hope to feed the boss
a misadventure into
MyLieAtZone

sometimes you are the pinball
trying to keep moving
staying away from the drain

sometimes you are the wizard
Slapping the glass with flat palms
slapping the flappers
6 ***** bouncing off the walls
and just 10,000 points
From insane

So then ...
..I lie only when or actually spin
a truth
Like carnival flopping cotton candy
When..simply put
People will believe a lie
before they will believe...
or accept a truth !!

And so ...I leave this tale
as I cross the veil
To pass on through
MyLieAtZone
Beyond the signpost up ahead
that once read
TILT

To rejoint you with
the most truthful grift
I've heard in quite some time
I said to my good friend...
... just before his end !

"why do you drink so much ...is it to forget something ?
and he said "yes I do !
I drink to forget the reason that I drink!"

and I tell you the truth
To tell you the truth ...really tell you the truth
I thought about this that he said
for a long long time
then I got it !
I understood ...
...exactly what he said .
unfortunately it was one day

One day after he was dead !!

Yet I consider it a gift ...
From beyond the rift

Just ahead past that signpost
up ahead
The one that
No longer reads ...tilt

Just beyond a place I call ...
MyLieAtZone...

Looking for an more dignified
way to commit suicide
one that won't be so
much a mess
I can shoot myself
I might miss
and if I didn't it would still
Leave a mess and I guess
really isn't very dignified so ...
    ...I could leap out
in front of some moving car
but then again
I don't know who those people are
it may cause them to have a wreck
Either way What or how the heck
Could any of that be dignified
To ruin somebody else's life
would not ever be dignified
I guess I could take a lot of drugs overdose but who knows
I might just end up going out
and have a good time
To wake up the next day
find out that you were
the life of the party ...and that
everybody had a great time
Though i haven't a clue
What party where'" I went to...?"
No clue who Sent the message
I got 46 friend requests
And 17 new friends...OH no!
Thats not something you do
just before you want it all to end
Thats definitely undignifying
I guess I could leap off
Some tall building enjoy the ride all the way down unless of course you look and see  down  below something you couldn't know
A older lady getting out of the car
Or a nanny with a baby carriage you know youve gone way too far cant  stop now and you know
cannot change your direction so..
NO!
...that's not a very good selection
And definitely not to be considered dignified
I guess I could go jump in the lake drown myself since I cannot swim not very well at least but ohhhhh
would be one easy way
but then again I can say I've seen
those people they finally dredge up
All bloated white and sickly green.. ...no way  is that dignified
I guess I could try to hang myself but then again that might to lead to something else
if I didn't die I might just try
to figure out how to do it again
Because it was sort of ****** fun
Ive seen those people on tv news
Live or die that's not the one one
Found like that can't be  dignified
I just about run out of ways
to think about how I could do it
I guess I really always knew
.....all along what was really true
there's nothing dignified
about suicide ever...unless maybe if you were to leap onto
a live grenade in order to save every one around you or if you
were to step in front of a bullet run out into traffic in order to push someone out of the way
I can say
it's true that in a sense
it would be suicidal
In its own way because you chose to do what you did
but any of those circumstances messy or not you died with pride and that  will always be...
....dignified . But not suicide.