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 Aug 2023 kfaye
Mote
Untitled
 Aug 2023 kfaye
Mote
the city of dreams is a dead mall in zombie winter. there is no getting warm. all prayer happens in the food court. the city man brings me a cherry slushie, then tells me to stick out my tongue. we won’t get married. my crush is a lake inside my chest. i ask the city man if he knows how to swim. we kiss in a closet guarded by two blue dogs. when i emerge, i’m pregnant. i’m terrified. i touch my body obsessively. i name my baby rock land. i name my baby thunderstorm. i don’t stay much longer. when i wake, sorrow fills my bed with hot water. i touch my body obsessively. i’m wet. i’m empty. i taste cherries and snow.
 Aug 2023 kfaye
Mote
Untitled
 Aug 2023 kfaye
Mote
my doctor’s eyes are the color of sun burnt grass. her cheekbones beg for a tongue. i don’t want to think about how i know her. we’re both uncomfortable. in my defense, her husband isn’t my demon. his need has no teeth. but i’ve seen him, the villain in many movies. i want to know if she loves him. if she has, for love, another. a knight with a flower garland. a fortune teller with hot hands. i can’t say any of this. we’re here to talk about my body. my body’s death wish. i don't know. it doesn’t feel like it matters
 Aug 2023 kfaye
Mote
and i tried to prepare myself. windows covered in blood; white silt on the floors. to let it in would be tragic. i consider it, acting bored. i smoke a cigarette. i peel an orange. inevitable, i think, as i open the door. it is a thrill not unlike a late summer storm. there is the smell of fall. and i do, fall, through many worlds. through many incarnations of fable. through many roofs of pine. i enter the other side swimming. i am able to convince myself i have always been swimming. the demon cheers me on. it says it knows what i want. more than god, i ask. more than all the mermaids. the demon thinks this means i want to be a mermaid. my mouth is suddenly moth. yes, the demon says. yes. look at my claws. i can give you gills.
 Aug 2023 kfaye
Mote
Untitled
 Aug 2023 kfaye
Mote
ghost of the lazy river. god put a moat around my house. i didn’t hate it, but i wrote many lamentations. i performed them, at night, in my bikini and my snorkel. the birds and the fish called me star- then god let in a dog to teach me hunger. suddenly, i knew loneliness. my lamentations paled. the birds and the fish don’t call me anything. i can’t remember how i died. is the dog still there
 Jul 2023 kfaye
Mote
do you believe in magic. in moths. in doorways. it all confuses me. i keep my hands under my pillow when i sleep. i think this will keep me safe. i'm often wrong. let me explain: the hell-gate is small. hip-high. quiet. it sneaks up on you. an arbor of muscle; eternal gape; ****** maw. tissue like tinsel, and beyond, a celebration. revelry of the dead. i join them. i always do. only, i'm flesh and they're bone. i'm shy. i get seasick easily, and i can't drink their alcohol. i don't know why i'm here. i don't ask to go home. i don't even believe in doorways.
 Jun 2023 kfaye
Mote
Untitled
 Jun 2023 kfaye
Mote
i am lily orange in this dream. the city is a swamp in my basement. the city man appears, wearing my robe, to measure the bone in my thigh. to hold my hands in ice until i, delirious, describe the past. bunny ears; blind dog. i don’t think this is a fantasy. god ****; time machine. if you find me gone, know i was stolen.
 Jun 2023 kfaye
Mote
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 Jun 2023 kfaye
Mote
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the demon finds my bed in the city of dreams. i am overcome by a tragic sort of thunder. when kissed, i turn to water in the demon's mouth. when woken, i turn to water in my own. this isn't sadness
 May 2023 kfaye
Mote
god, i’m a poor vampire. nobody loves me and i’m sad all the time. i think we all are. the other vampires. and i lied when i said i didn’t hate you. you’ve been asleep for so long. god, do you have the internet yet. do you have a phone. can you set an alarm. things are getting weird in the garden. we’re all vampires now. sometimes we turn the animals into vampires so we don’t get too lonely. god, i don’t think we remember you anymore. and, like, it’s not like we need you that much. we all know we’re vampires. we all have matching hungers. but it doesn’t make us friends, so we do this thing i sometimes call the holy pretending and then we play this game i don’t call anything. i think it’s old. you probably know it. there are winners, but i haven’t met any. we need our mom back. please wake up.
 May 2023 kfaye
Mote
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 May 2023 kfaye
Mote
[x]
god holds tight my hand in the haunted house. the house is my body. god doesn’t know yet, so i try to act casual. i feel like a puppy. i don’t cry. the house does. we’re supposed to be having a sleepover, but i’m afraid of the ghosts. i ask to paint god’s nails, but god wants to watch movies. i think we can do both, but we don’t watch movies. god breathes heavy over my pillow. i don’t feel like a puppy anymore. god wants to braid my hair but my hair is in the mouth of a ghost. i turn static with fear. god is amazed. calls me a spirit box. tells me to speak. wants to know if this is when the kissing happens. wants to know if this is how all sleepovers are. i don’t know what to say to any of it. my mouth is stolen. my body is trespassable. i show my belly to god. god calls the ghosts to watch.
 May 2023 kfaye
Mote
i was dreaming of hands. i want you to know this. ***** fingers. the smell of motor oil. some blood, some times. i never meant to be this lonely. i am moth with it. who is the god of moths. my proboscis wilts. i comb the fur on my thorax. i make shadow puppets with my wings. i give them names like testament and bellyache. i thought god would save me. who is the god of hands.
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