I know you see the pain 
 Searing threw my veins
You see the hurt
Tearing at my heart
The tears 
That secretly escape me
The ones you don't catch
But I know u can tell
Looking in my eyes
You can see the sadness
Everything I've went threw
I know you try to understand it
You try your best
To help me
But I push you away 
I'm sorry I do it
It's hard to let u stay
Ive created this girl
Who dosent need help
I'm fine on my own
I can do it by myself
Just try to understand
I push u away 
Not because I want too
I want u to stay
Its because I need to
In case one day 
You leave me 
Like mom did
She promised she would stay
Promises are broken
And I hope one day
It won't be you
To treat me that way
It's out self defense
I'm sorry to say
I want to let u in 
I want u to stay
I feel so vulnerable
Crying in front of you
But I need to be strong 
So it might stay this way 
Hopefully it changes soon

We used to like to stay up all night
Drink from sundown until it shined again
******* inthe morning dew with whiskey tainted breath
Smoking cigarettes until our lungs blackened
We all knew, in the backs of our heads
That we were having a little too much fun
Coming home drunk and stumbling up stairs
Is only satisfying until you realize that people care

We liked *****, whiskey and ***
Irish breakfasts were the only ones for us
Getting ****** up was the only constant
Going to school hungover and not caring if we bombed it
We were in for that rude awakening
We never knew how far we had to run

Those fateful, wilderness years
Very well could've been the best time of my life
Underneath the alcohol, blood and tears
You could cut the immaturity with a knife
It's really all kind of sad to think
About all the things I can't remember now
Lost in the cosmic consciousness
Innocent brain cells killed in the name of cowardice

But now I couldn't be any more thankful
Those years taught what no person could
I was only nineteen but now I know
That if I want to drink, I should double think if I should
I'm only human, despite the previous display
Of thinking foolishly or immortality
The weird thing is that I regret nothing
Everything progressed as it would, naturally
After all

She wore red satin
Dancing discreetly under stars
Love's hatches were battened
Riding in freshly painted cars
She swore off men
With big mouths and no ears
As she longed for her story to be told
To everyone, young and old

She came from ***** streets
Trash bins filled with beer cans
But she was born to keep a beat
Tapping, tapping her feet
Until everyone had gotten up from their seats

She works the stage
Like its the only thing she's ever known
Pacing and swaying
It's where she knew she had truly grown
A strong woman
With a heart of gold
Flowing hair of the angels
And a demeanor truly bold

Her daddy was a stern man
He'd come home
Still with drink in hand
Looking to pick a bone
But her face could calm
Even the most violent of men
Her occupation then was diffusing bombs
When she got older
And realized her life wasn't hers
She grew colder
Left her father
And became the killer
Everybody wants

It's 1:00 AM now
I'm lonely
I'm so exhausted I can't see straight
I'm cold even though it's ninety plus outside
The air is so thick you can feel it wrap around, slide it's fingers around your face, suffocate
But I don't want to think about it
So I turn over and grab a bottle,
Pop a pill and swallow

I whisper goodnight to no one, except the brutal air

But it's 2:30 now
And I've seen no signs of my long lost lover I call sleep
Why won't they come to bed with me?
I dressed up just for the occasion, dawned in a tight and lacy navy blue tank top, catching the shape of my ******* perfectly, and cotton shorts of the same colour
But even this won't bait my lover
So I grab the bottle again and think to myself, "what's three more?"

4:15 and I finally feel my eyelashes start to flutter
I purr a little and notice everything starts to lose shape
I see in the distance what can only be my lover
He finally curled up to me tonight

*With his fingers around my throat

I’ve overslept
I’ve smoked too much
My house is unkept
And my body's wrecked
My heart's a mess
And my head is worse
The doctor said
I over think
So I sought a cure
In the form of drink
That didn’t help, so
I turned to men
They let me down
All of them
My daily pills
For various ills
Don’t work so well
I’m starting to believe
That life is hell

She makes the sand,
the sand seep away.
Little locket on her chest,
with her steps a gentle sway.
Though her eyes cast
a tender gaze,
her fiery heart sets the sky ablaze.

Dry rain and dry puddles,
never will she stop.
'Til she stumbles to her knees,
the dusty ground, fiercely hot.
She cries out in pain
and laughs through tears,
a withered smile
of withered years.

She sees me.

Her faces relaxes,
her lungs give out,
her limbs betray her
and with one final strain she says:
*I can't hate.

Cold. Distant. Lonely.
How am I supposed to explain to you how I feel when I don't even know?
When you have a girlfriend, but you still comfort me and soothe my self-doubt?
When we walk and converse together every day and I feel like I know you, but I don't know you?
Am I supposed to traverse this path alone, or with you, or with someone else?
It's fall and it's getting cold, so I need you to cloak me in your warmth and wrap me in your arms to shield me from the elements and my loneliness.
There is a dance tomorrow that I want to go to with you to, but all I've got is a field trip while your girlfriend is on both of our minds.
I just need an embrace, a touch, a physical sensation to tell me you care about me.
You and I and our friends know that she's the kind of girl who will break your heart, rip your already fragile and many times mended heart to throbbing, aching, weeping pieces.
Our friends try to play matchmaker, and I play a different game with the same objective.
How can you not see that she is like the others?
All her predecessors who fragmented you?
Won't she do the same?
But if you will not listen to reason, and true and pure love, then I only hope she will take care of you, cradle your heart in her hands and give it strength.
I hope that she will give you what you need, and more.
However, if she does not deliver, I will be here, waiting.

Its a funny thing to think
that there's no one in this world
that knows everything about me,
especially no one in this home.
And then I realize that maybe
that's why I'm so **** good
at being alone.
I'm perfectly cut out
for this life of isolation you see,
because I'm tired of coming home
and finding little pieces of everyone else
clinging to me.
Being altered might be too much to pay.
I don't want to look like her
or talk like her
or think like her
and why the hell
did I just say the word "cray"?
Truth is
no one knows
everything I've ever thought,
everything I seem to be
but I'm actually not.
No one knows
that I despise the word hipster
or that I felt bad
hooking up with him
when I'd rather been
kissing his sister.
No one knows
that I stay up late writing poetry,
that if it was up to me
I'd be far away from here
with nothing
but a backpack
a bucket list
and my fear
of not having the chance
to do absolutely everything.
Nobody knows
how many times I've stepped on cracks in the sidewalk
or how often I get writers block
or how particular I am about my clothes.
Yeah it's kind of funny
how much nobody knows.