I never wanted to end up in a world where the only thing I ever really believed in was you.
But I guess things turn out the way they do regardless of how noble our intentions are.
And now you're with some girl who's name I can't bother to remember. And I don't know
What I've found, but I keep labeling it as love. All I know is he's not you. And his hands
Don't bruise my lungs the way yours did. And am I a ******* ******* if I miss it?
All I know is that his cigarettes don't taste like yours and his cologne is from a
Different box and I haven't heard his stories a thousand times. He hasn't
Hugged me in the snow or cried to me on the bathroom floor about
How large my heart was and how tiny his eyes were. All I know
Is that he's here and you're not and I'm not too sure how I
Feel about that. All I know is that I'm only this honest
When the sun is gone and I can't hide between
The cracks in my bones. The truth is I don't
Want you to be happy with her because
I'm too selfish for my own good. And
The truth is she won't love you
Nearly half as much as I could
And the truth is my virginity
Belonged to you but I let
Him steal it anyway
Because the truth
Is that you didn't
Deserve me
In the first
Place.

I remember the first time I saw your collar bone
And you thought you looked so
**** fine
You thought you'd come a long way
You'd worked so hard
You even claimed
That you wanted to look good
For me

But I never really knew
What you meant by that
Because you always looked
Good to me
And I fell in love
With your body
Just the way it was
The day I first saw you

And I hated the way
You'd turn your face
When I'd whisper in the serenity
Of three a.m.
Just how truly beautiful
I knew you were

Didn't you own a mirror?

But now
I stare at your collar bone
And your hip bones
And I can't help thinking
One day soon
I'll see your rib cage
And all of the things
That remind me
Of how human we all really are

And how we're all just
Piles of muscles and bones
And how one day
One of us will die
Leaving the other behind
Broken and alone

And maybe you think
That's the most
Attractive version of yourself
That you could ever possibly be…

But to me you're just
Fading away
And pretty soon
I'll be left
Without someone to love.

You drop the word
Forever
Like it's nothing

And I wonder
How many
Forever's
You've muttered
To all the girls
Before me

And I wonder
If forever
Is something I could
Really
Live to see

Perhaps forever
Is your way of saying
Please, my love,
Consider
Marrying me

Because to me
Forever
Is a promise
That few can really
Keep

And forever
Is a day
I never want to see

Because
I've been promised
Forever
A thousand times over

My ears, my heart
They're sick of
That word
Forever

Why don't you just
Love me today
And let forever
Speak for itself
For a change.

I spent my entire childhood
Wishing I was older
I was under the mistaken impression
That older somehow
Equated to better

And then one day
I was older
And all my quirks
Turned into labels
That one day
Turned into
Prescriptions

And all my rebellion
Turned into addiction
And all my imagination
Turned into heartache
And all my dreams
Turned into dust

And now I spend
My entire adulthood
Praying for a time machine
Or death.

Whichever comes first.

The truth was
I knew everyone I ever met
Was going to leave
Or ruin me
Somehow
One way or another..

I just wanted to find
One person
That was actually
Worth it.

But sometimes
Hearts are black
And promises are empty.

I just needed someone
That would pull me away
When I tried to jump
Off the cliffs in my head.

I just needed someone
That made the bruises sting
A little less
Than before
And someone who
Wouldn't dare give up
On me so easily.

Someone who
Knew why my blood ran thick
And my tears ran cold

Someone who
Didn't cut up my lungs
When I breathed in their name.

Someone new.
Because we both know.
It was never you.

I want to be the girl you talk about
When logic is no longer in sight
I want my name to be the one you mumble
To strangers on the street
Crying in the arms of ex-best friends
About how perfect we could have been


I hope I'm that lump in your throat
And you remember every inch of my lips
When you finally kiss another's
Out of sheer bitterness
I hope your bones shatter
When she grabs your hand
And you feel like there's nothing left
Worth breathing for


I want you to miss me so much
That you still dream of me
Singing you to sleep

I hope that, even for just a day,
You know how it feels
To be me

I think maybe I'm too comfortable
In solitude
In fact, when others explain
The hell
Of solitary confinement
I honestly believe
It sounds like bliss


I never miss you when you're gone
I never miss you at night
I never imagine your hand in mine
I never, never yearn for you


I think it's because
Mainly
I don't know what it's like
To miss anyone
With the exception of
Myself