I am reaching
the end of the longest
and most arduous chapter
of my young
life

I do not know how
it will end

perhaps in divinity
perhaps in destruction
perhaps in death

but I do know it is
fast approaching

I can hear it on the wind,
whispering,
that voice
that reminds me
when things aren’t going
as planned,
that things must
change,
that summer must turn
to fall,
fall to winter,
and the leaves must fall
and the trees grow
bare

I can see the storm brewing
as the first flakes of snow
float down and melt upon
the ground

the only thing to do is pull my coat closer,
bear my face against the piercing wind,
pray for a home ahead, forget all that I
worry, and remember all the good I know

the chapter ends in whiteness,
a static out of which anything
can emerge

they say
plant your fingertips against something
solid and concentrate on what is at hand
but all I have been able to see behind my eyelids
for many months is your face
and the wood resounds with the beating of your heart

love is a sad kind of trouble
for, knowing what its like to
exist unwavering in perfect happiness,
I have the days I have to fake my way through it.

Plant your fingertips against something solid and concentrate.
I put my hands on your heart, I focus on your rhythm.

It’s all right, zombie husband.
I didn’t like the dog.
Or the twins.
Seriously, all they did was cry.
It’s like, “shut up, already”,
You know?

Foolish the one who sees the sea
And wants to jump into the sky
But maybe it's those who dare to fall
That aren't afraid to die

Standing on the shore, I'm staring
At reflections rippling by
And I think, if I just touch them
Maybe I could reach the sky

My fingers graze the surface
And my body follows through
Passing through a mirror of ocean
To a world of white and blue

And I grow wings like cloudscapes
Spreading fearless 'cross the skies
Drops of sunlight sparkle brilliantly
A sunset in my eyes

But suddenly my dream wings
Dissipate without a sound
As they disappear, I'm falling
Hurtling down to the ground

All the colors fade behind me
And I close my eyes in fear
All anxiety returned
That so recently disappeared

Growing closer to the earth
I brace myself for the impact
What a fool to be a dreamer!
Just to leave those wishes cracked

The wind stopped whirring suddenly
I opened up my eyes
I was standing on the shore again
And staring at the sky

Was I flying or just falling?
Was it daydream? Was it real?
I was left there with emotions
That I never thought I'd feel

I was the foolish dreamer
That hoped she could touch the sky
But although her wings were true
She was terrified to die

But a world like that exists there
And that I could not deny
It was a dream, but for a moment
I had learned to fly.

Unfocused vision
Blurry images of you
Torment my consience.

Here I am,
Split in two,
My heart can not decide.

My stupid head,
Is getting in the way,
Curse you over active mind.

Once filled with thoughts of only one,
Now I'm second guessing.

Perhaps it's the way it should be,
But why? What is the purpose?

He loves me so much, I know it hurts,
To tell the truth I feel the same way.

For him I would do anything,
But why is my heart going astray?

But HE makes me laugh, HE makes me feel beautiful,
Always making me blush.

It seems to me that like I like HIM
And perhaps HE likes me too.

So there is love,
With phantom pain.
And like,
With painful pleasure.

I love the way he says "I love you".
But I also long to hear those words from another.

An affair of the heart, how can this be?
I feel so *****, so cruel!

But what is there for me to do?
I have not acted upon these emotions,
I have done nothing wrong.

How can you fix an affair of the heart?
If you find out please let me know.