I want to get off this train
that drives me to and from my pain
It's a ride that lasts a life time
and you won't get off alive.

I miss the days I didn't fight this way
crying for the days I didn't run away
the days where the sun did shine
and my life was fine.

I'm a drama flick that runs forever
a heart as light as a feather
but my hearts not whats at steak
it's my brain that makes these mistakes.

One minute I feel alright
the next I can't survive the night
I'm holding on by my finger tips
God forbid my grip may slip.

Where I fall right into my grave
and become the broken teen never saved
the young one lost so soon
it's a cry for help of adolescent doom.

No I'm just sick of the black and the white
there's no grey left in sight
no in between for the likes of us
so why not give up?

Why do I even try
when I really rather die
maybe I'm just a *******
and live for the pain I suffer from as I exist.

I asked myself,
why am I proud of being a Human being?
For a while I didn't know
I could only think of all the wrong I'm seeing
painted in blood on the ivory snow.

I thought to myself,
humans are weak and afraid of the truth,
we hurt others to appease ourselves.
People use lies in place of solid proof,
for golden trophy's placed on their shelves.

I watched
as people laughed and hurt one another
for something as invaluable as fame.
And as I did I felt guilty
to be apart of a race put to shame.

I watched
as bravery was described as a man behind a gun
killing in the name of "peace"
I saw people hating and judging for fun
because that was what looked good at the time.

I saw death
on the news, in the papers, on the streets
and cried as the blood was spilled
I watched people fighting one another
for a position so irrelevant being filled.

I watched gangs go to war
because he's black and he's white
I saw people excluding one another
because she prefers dark while she prefers light.

But when I flipped to the next page
I saw that they held out their hand
to people in need
They gave their knowledge to those who didn't understand
and take in those that they feed.

I saw a smile in the crowd
when hope was not in sight
and I saw a warring man
put down his gun in that fight.

I watched them build a neighbor's house
when the going got tough
I saw them lend a shoulder
when the days got to rough.

I saw another man preach
when we needed a change
and I saw another one accept
when the other was strange.

We'll never be utopia
no but we can try to be

Rain pelts the sidewalk before me
cleaning away the past,
swept away like broken glass
leaving it empty.

This is just another fight
we refuse to back down from,
another stain of blood
on the ground before our feet.

This is just another war
we won't give up
another ******* contest
of whose the best.

This is just another scar
slashed across flesh
or embedded in our minds
no one can see them but they're there.

This is just another tear
we refuse to let fall
because we're too proud
to look so weak.

This is just another disappointment
that builds in the corner
where there lies all the
forgotten promises.

This is just another example
of the world we live in
where hate comes more often
than love.

Decaying inside
I'm rotting away
In this solemn hour
I peel away

Redeem my aching soul
for I'm soon to meet my end
I feel it there
just around the bend.

This beast inside of me
clawing to get out of this cage
is foaming at the mouth
in all it's pent up rage.

Decaying inside
I'm rotting away
In this solemn hour
I peel away

I send out a prayer
lost among the roar of gun fire
these dark wishes cloud my mind
breaking free are my darkest desires

I cry out in pain as I am morphing
insanity is all that is left behind
and I have not one clear thought
in my overdrawn mind.

Decaying inside
I'm rotting away
In this solemn hour
I peel away

She walks between both worlds
She is life and she is death
She shines with a radiance that blinds
She is dark and she is light
She is our savior as the blood we taint
runs through her veins.

She is the moon and the sun
that rains it's benevolence upon our rusted souls
and she is the prayer that countless may whisper
to arrange us into wholes.

She speaks of wisdom,
as the crown placed upon her head,
which spills of silken spirals,
declares her our leader
and we will follow her through the evil.

She is our hope,
for we have lost it all
along the bloodied battle field.

And if my flesh may bleed
I dare bleed for her,
and if my life is stolen,
I dare grant it to her.

For every breath I draw
is a promise of my loyalty.

I will walk these plains
with open eyes
and walk this Earth
in silence

For I will never speak her name,
and she will never ask that I do.

The wind pushes against the glass
the rain pounds inside your head
you wait for the storm to pass
but it gets worse instead

The sun has gone away
the clouds fill the sky
the warmth won't stay
this life has gone awry

You wait for nature to take its course
and take you from this misery
but you're sunk down
to drown
beneath the current

Resuscitated before death can claim you,
each breath is without air
lungs filled by salty waters
filling and tearing your lungs bare

Panic fills your mind
and you thrash to get out
but you are held under
unable to die and unable to live

In circles we go
around and around
when it stops you'll never know
at the bottom of the ocean you'll never be found

I think I finally found the key
the mangled twisted broken key
to unlocking this broken mess inside of me
Inside of the piles of memories

Most tainted by what you've done
and some bent by what I've become
from the way you took what belonged to me
and left me broken and angry

By the way you ruined my life
and the way you beat the kids and your wife
By the way you lured me in
and unleashed demons on me that still haunt me from within.

You took my childhood straight from my arms
and you broke me into nothing.
I still see your face inside my dreams
hear your laugh as I would scream

I still cry when I hear your name
and when I think of you all I feel is shame
because of what you did
I have always hid

I am afraid of the world outside
because of the words you've left burned inside
I can't look people in the eye
because of you

But even though you're the monster of my nightmares
I am not scared
and I have only three words to tell you
even though I hate you
I forgive you

I felt a shift in overwhelming air
It tingled against my sensitive eyes
I felt the breeze run fingers in my hair
And I felt where the Earths heart really lies

The sun rested its arms against my face
And brushed away the shards blown asunder
Took me in and gave me a humble place
Beneath it's warm wings safe from the thunder

The rain washed away my dry salted tears
Held me in blankets of security
Erased my frothing belligerent fears
In a stronghold of true sincerity

This is the place that I call my real home
It's a place that I have built on my own

I don't want to be the victim anymore
I want to be the hero

Your tear drops hit the floor like glass
and everything you loved has passed.
There's a new found ache in your heart,
and it gnaws and claws you apart.
You feel the new year has brought you dead ends,
and you're too tired from last year to pretend.
Fighting for this will they say you own,
but you're standing on the battlefield alone.
This day does not end in laughs and smiles,
no it ends in tests and trials.
Measuring the strength you've been forced to show,
you can't hide it anymore because now they know.
You saw God crying in the face of your enemies,
and that gave you strength to fight endlessly.
Anywhere you would've followed the horizon,
but now you can rest your head,
for now you're done.

Hear her wails in the dead of night
they signify someones death tonight.
Foreboding this harbinger of deaths message
does wait at the threshold.

The reaper comes and snags you,
brings you through the shadows pull.
You think of how it came to be
that your life, so wonderful,
has come to an end.
With one Banshee's call.

Stare at the evidence,
that weapon you used to **** her.
The blood that stains the carpet,
the frantic smears of tears and fear.

Does it shame you,
knowing what you've done?
Are you guilty,
of what you've become.

Head lowered, eyes cast to the floor,
walking through all of these doors.
You can't look me in the eye,
or tell me why.

But you took her life,
with a dull jagged edge knife.
Buried in her flesh over again,
as she wailed for it to end.

You slung her up and tossed her down,
sealed the deal as you watched her drown.
Dusted off your hands and turned away,
did you think about the life you decided to take?

Stare at the evidence,
that weapon you used to **** her.
The blood that stains the carpet,
the frantic smears of tears and fear.

Does it shame you,
knowing what you've done?
Are you guilty,
of what you've become.

Head lowered, eyes cast to the floor,
walking through all of these doors.
You can't look me in the eye,
or tell me why.

But you took her life,
with a dull jagged edge knife.
Buried in her flesh over again,
as she wailed for it to end.

You slung her up and tossed her down,
sealed the deal as you watched her drown.
Dusted off your hands and turned away,
did you think about the life you decided to take?

The fog clears,
and you're standing there.
Wings spread out around you,
in your angelic beauty.

Your black hair is like oil in water,
against the ****** white of your wings.
They hover in the cool air above,
and your eyes, electric blue, pierce my own.

Never in my life had I felt so safe,
and yet know I was in terrible danger as well.
Danger of walking grounds
I had long ago taped shut with caution.

You were made up of every fantasy that lie beneath,
and yet I could feel that you were every fear as well.
The only question in my mind is,
are you my angel from heaven or from hell?

I was falling in love with you,
the way so many people foolishly do.
I felt something inside again,
and I left myself unguarded and open.
I left the shell I called my home
and then your broke me and I was alone

I was empty, just stared at the walls,
It was then I watched them crumble and fall.
I wasn't angry no, not at all
I didn't feel anything as I stumbled through the halls.

It was a pain that I can't explain,
it was something worse than pain.
Something that digs in deep,
and takes your heart for keeps.

I closed the door.
Slid to the floor,
and wished for death once more.

It's a never ending cycle of pain,
if only I had the restrain,
not to go back again
but in the end

*I always do.

Break me to nothing,
Burn me to ash
Cut me to pieces
Leave me for dead

I'll rise alive instead

Hit me and bruise me
Love me and leave me
Fill me then drain me
Take away my home

I'll live inside all alone

Give me a name then take it away
Give me hope then don't let me stay
Give me religion and tell me not to pray
Hold out your hand for me to take

Then burn me alive, left dead at the stake

I'll save myself
From the misery

I want to join the wilderness
where the trees watch but don't talk back,
where the water shows your reflection,
but doesn't point back and laugh.

I want to join the free
where the hills are at your mercy,
where the wind encases you,
but doesn't knock you down.

I want to join the primal,
where you can be what you want to be,
where the night can be your guide,
and the forest can be your sea.

I want to be anywhere but here,
the place you can't see clear,
through the abundant amount of tears,
that fall without my say.

I want to slither into the dark,
where no one will find me,
and I don't have to be
the perfect everyone wants to see.

What is life?
What defines living?
Is it the labored breaths,
that fill weak lungs?
Or is it the rush,
that fills frozen viens?
Is it the feeling of love,
or the feeling of pain?
Is it the swish of long hair,
or the curve of small hips?
Is it soft skin,
or soft lips?
Is it  what we wear?
Or how we talk?
Is it who we are,
or how we walk?
Tell me because I'm unsure,
do we really know the answer,
to what defines anything anymore?

It's written in my scars
each one a tale of its own
Some speak of how I won
and some speak of how I don't
Each one gives me stregnth
to keep moving on
Each one reminds me
that misery only last so long
It's only bitter for a sour minute,
only cold while the wind blows.
It just reminds me that my dreams will follow
anywhere I go.

Don't feel the pain,
Like novacane
it numbs the ache

Dreams turn to ash,
I'm coming in last
every single time

Twist and turn I struggle to breathe,
under the weight of a new way to relax

I don't want to feel any more.

She slumps against the bar,
her head pressed to the sticky surface.
She sits at the table of broken hearts, and dreams.
She pours her sorrows in a shot glass too full,
and swears she'll never go back again.

He sits with a wounded heart,
drenched in a vague memory of what was happiness.
He fills his gut with the burning liquid he calls home,
and swears that life is better alone.

They sit with one dream or another,
shattered in a pile of wasted energy on the floor.
A hopeless beginning with no end,
that always began with "what if?,"
that exist with one closing door.

It doesn't matter,
when the lights go out,
and the spotlight moves on,
leaving you in a windowless room of smog,
no mind to what might be on the outside.

All there is, is the comfort of the wine that numbs the sting.
And a new dream of what the shattered one might bring.

Amber liquid in a bottle,
Keeps the pain at bay until tomorrow

Shut my eyes
Feel the sting of cold air against bare skin
Tangle your fingers in the frozen tears
They fall for us
No one is there
But I hear them near
All in agony
I sit in snowy fields

These tears promise revenge
But this heart promises pain
Your words whisper love
But your actions speak of hate

I am alone in this cold place

The stars disappear
The end is near
Give me the thorns of roses
The pierce my heart

This sacrifice is for you,
As the roses turn blue
And our love spills as scarlet staining the snow

Days seem dimmer while you're away.

I had not, will not, ask you to stay.

Though my heart woefully cries out for you.

I'm missing a part of me I was never meant to lose.

Although tears do not fight for the will to fall free.

My unwavering eyes are blind to see.

These ears and hands will guide me back to you.

But I hear not, feel not, the words that belong to you.

Have you faded along with the wind again?

I just want this pain rooted deep inside of me to end.

Give me the strength to rise with each sun.

Come back to me before the damage is done.

They say "I hope you die,"
and I reply "I wish."

Break
In Half
Broken Dreams Everywhere
They Litter The Floor
I Can't Bare This Anymore
My Heart Is Bleeding Out Again
My Thoughts Are Breaking Out Of Me
They Say Bad Things Happen For A Reason
My Bad Things Happen Every Day Of Every Season

There is something lurking so deep inside of me,
that just doesn't feel right.
Maybe it's from always expecting
that I have to fight.
I just want to give in
and put down my guard
Why does that have to be so hard?

"**** me," she whispered through her tears.
Her eyes glowed red, stained from the shattering of her heart.
"I can't," I say my voice breaking as I face the mirror.
I slowly break apart.
"You said you would if it got to hard," she cries.
"If you give up, then everything was for nothing," my voice quakes.
"It doesn't matter it was all lies!"
"But we were so close," my heart shakes.
"How can we make it?" she asks me
"We have to at least try," I bite my cheek.
"We won't make it," she tells me.
"We have too, I won't be weak!"
She shakes her head, doubt in her eyes,
but I had to try

The nights turned black
the moon is dead,
The shadows rise,
come for your head,
don't scream,
they'll only smile,
don't make a sound,
they're coming
close your eyes
nevermore will they see
plug your ears
nevermore will they hear,
hold your breath
nevermore will they breathe
oh...
these monsters are me

"Why are we here?" he asks me with a certain innocence resonating in his voice.
"I think we're here for something, we all have something we were meant to do," I say in a voice of certainty although the emotion doesn't reach my heart.
"What do you think you were meant to do?" he asks staring up at the pale sky with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, with a thoughtful expression on his face.
"I don't think I'm meant for anything, I was a mistake, someone must've really messed up," I say laughing dryly.
"I think you're wrong. You're a lot more special than you think. You should give yourself more credit, at least you're still here breathing."

A broken picture frame
lay in the corner
My face without a name
because I don't matter
Your motives shine through your eyes
you don't have to defend yourself
I hear the truth ringing through your lies
and I understand now
The only reason you're still here
is because you don't know how to say goodbye

I am alone, beneath the skin of a smiling girl.

I am weak, underneath the tough words.

I cry when the doors are closed

and I lie when I'm vulnerable.

I'm scared of the entire world

I hate to know pains cold fingers

they linger their frozen touch on my heart

and it's there I know I am falling apart.

I break like glass thats already cracked

shattered asunder, just like that.

Sometimes, while my lips quiver and my eyes shine with unshed tears

I think about what there isn't to fear.

What is the reward of this wayward place

Ridden in hate

I cant walk a mile in anyone else's shoes

I haven't even ran in my own

My heart cant bare the thought

Of stepping outside it's home

Oh yes, it's been broken

And yes, it's done wrong,

but that imperfect heart

that broken, hurt swollen heart is strong.

I placed my heart inside a box of steel
so that I would never feel.
I locked up all the chains,
so that I wouldn't feel pain.

I broke the key,
so no one could get to me.
I hid it deep inside,
where no one would find.

But you hold the map to my heart,
and the key that broke it open.
I should've known
I wouldn't be left alone.

The sun doesn't shine anymore,
it's been dark for a while.
When the day looks like it might be good,
the weight comes crashing down.
Sending me spinning in this hell,
with my heart stapled to my sleeve.
The voice in the back of my head is yelling,
telling me when it looks better it'll only get worse.
Tragidy everywhere that I look,
like torn pages from a book
where is the end?
Not at the end of a rope
or the last drop of hope,
it can't be that last single tear
or when you are numb without fear.
When you're missing ignorant bliss
back when  you didn't feel like this.
When you keep yourself up at night,
thinking of all the things that aren't right.
Back when the sky was always blue,
and you didn't question everything you do.
When your body wasn't sore from working tell you're dead,
back when you weren't scared but fearless instead.
Where have the days gone?
When everything in the world didn't feel so wrong.

I had forgotten
The way it felt to smile
I let the memory fade
I haven't felt anything for a while
But worst of all I felt sorry for myself
This is what brought me back from the dead
I had forgotten to breathe
And had suffocated in my self pity instead
I had forgotten that I am not the only one
To feel lost and out of place
I think I forgot
That this life isn't a race
I let it slip my mind
That we're all in this together
That we stand as one
And suffer the same weather
I know I forgot the good things in life
Because I focus so much on the pain
I forgot about the sun
Because I always watched the rain
I lost myself in the dark
When the light was right behind me
I forgot to open my eyes
So I could see
Until I felt it inside
The music filled my soul
I felt it fill me up
Making me whole
I think I spent all this time sleeping
And now I've woken up
I forgot about fighting
And spent so much time giving up
Until I found the surface
Now I can breathe

There and gone again
Where are you?
I whisper in the quiet of the night
Hypnotic stars blanketing the sky
In the shadows do you lay?
Where are you?
My fingers barely brush the veil
Before you are gone
Again
I am in your trance
Following your heartbeat
You I smell in the fragile breeze
Soft and sweet the aroma fills me
Where are you?
Come out come out
My searching heart begs of you
Show yourself to me
One who manipulates the shadows
And dances with the stars
I hear you, smell you, but cannot see
Why must you torture me
Give yourself to me
So I may rest again
From the earth I rose
Necromancers
Spirt dancers
Find me I must see
This heartbeat that has woke me
From my sleep

My eyes are heavy
I can barely move
My body slowly shutting down
From the three straight days without sleep
I hope I dream if I tumble into the soft clutches of slumber

There within the dark
Glowing eyes
Golden
Staring at me with a predatory hunger
Am I scared?
Oh certainly not
The vicious teeth
Snarling and snipping
Are only a barrier
To the soft heart
That lay beneath the dusty chains
The angry eyes
A reflection of a broken image
Those sharp claws
Threatening to rip through flesh
Remnants of the daggers pierced through a once soft heart
All of it made from scars long in the past
**And some of it freshly torn