The sun has set
The moon she rises
Trying to be seen through the selfish clouds      
Fight moon fight!
Fight to show the world your beautiful face
For yours is soft
Like a forever lullaby
Of forever grace
Where the sun's is harsh
And hurts the eyes
So fight moon!
Give us your light!
Bathe us in the lullaby of the night.

Not as high as I usually go today
Still high enough that I
could.....
             slip
                       fall
Become no more
I will not do that today
Today I will fight my demons
Today I will not
              slip
                         fall
Those **** demons
Promises of peace
just.....
               slip
                         fall
Down inside that crevice
But that would hurt
They say it won't    
Their voices stronger
louder
Promises of no pain, eternal peace
just......
               slip
                         fall
Demons lie
I need to get off this mountainside

I watch as a ****** of crows fly over
Cawing loudly
Deafening in their wake
Landing upon a barren tree
Giving the illusion of life
I stare pointedly at this ******
Then, they quiet
A fog of silence
Loud and unrelenting
No cars to be heard
Insects hushed
The only sound is the beating of my heart
They move as one
Heads turning simultaneously
Eyes staring back
Only one opens its maw
A screech of terror comes out
They are warning me
Of what, I do not know
In the screech I do understand
A trial is set before me
One I must withstand

My legs are burning

        for they are not around you

My lips are dry

        for they are not against yours

My ******* are aching

       for they are not in your hands  

My ears are ringing

      for they are not hearing your voice

My eyes are closed

   for they know you are not in front of me

My hands they tingle

      for they are not touching you

My mind stays numb

      for it is not sparring with yours

My body trembles

      *as it waits in anticipation of us again

Inside a square box
So airy and light
My children laughing and playing
Everyone dressed in white
Then the sound of laughter stops
A dimness in the box
Slowly everyone leaves
Taking the light
Darkness begins its reign
My best steps up
Looks me straight in the eye
She then turns and goes
Taking with her, her light
The man I believe is with me
Turns to me and smiles
But it is not pleasant
It is feral, wild
He whispers words, turns and goes
"Never was" hits me in the gut
Lights are gone
A black hole is now my box

He calls on the phone
We say hello
He says "I love you"
He then let's go

He walks in my dreams
I catch a glimpse during the day
His cologne lingers in the house
He comes to see me somedays

He's become the ghost
The ghost of what once was
He holds me in his ghostly presence
He holds me for real, a few times a month

He's the ghost of my dreams
He's the ghost of the day
He's the ghost of cologne
He's the ghost of which I pray

He's the ghost of the phone
He's the ghost of hellos
He's the ghost of I love yous
*He's the ghost of let go's

I'm sitting on my back porch
Smoking a cigarette
Looking at the stars
Hazed out by smoke
Oklahoma is burning
Flames are all around
Smells like a campfire
Even in town
Livestock are dead
Running for the barren river
Wildlife gone
Majestic mountain lions
Climbing in the burnt trees
Only to die of smoke inhalation
Oklahoma is burning
River beds running dry
Dear Lord above
Give us rain
Help us see an end to this nightmare
Of Oklahoma burning

I stand naked before you
My body and soul laid bare
Upon my hands I  hold my heart
And this I gift to you
I only implore one simple wish    
This gift that I give
It is fragile and easy to break
Please, handle with care.

Never have I ever
Heard truth pass from man's lips
I do not care how
Beautiful you make your quips

One may say to another
Beautiful you are
Then turn around
and lust for another

One may say
I shall never do that again
Turn around
Same mistake the following weekend

I have found actions speak louder
You speak what you may
The proverbial untruth
For what is real is in what
With your words you do

For never have I ever
Heard truth pass from man's lips
But have seen truth
Man's words in action

Funny is it not
For years I thought I was in true loves embrace
Amazing how my body instead of being warm was always cold
I should have listened better to it
I may have then known that this was not love
Intriguing how my mind overrode my heart for so long.
Though my heart was yelling the whole time NO!
My mind continued to say YES!
Finally my heart and mind spoke
With it, understanding came
This should have never been  
Walking out the door was the most peaceful thing I have yet to do.
Now my being, though still cold, is finally at *peace

I got a new phone yesterday
All bright, shiny, and new
Transfered all important documents
All contacts too
Then I opened her up
Ready to write
My words were gone
Out of site
I went to text you
Ask your advice
Your contact still there
I sent a message hoping I'd find
Inspiration from your mind
I guess I did
Not how I would have liked
Though your number is here
Like my words,  you're gone
Out of site....

The harshness of the day gives way to the whispers of the night.
My senses become heightened.
My skin that was dulled by the acosting day is now sensitive to the caressing breeze of the night.  
My eyes look longingly to the crying moon. The night is my lover and I revel in its sweet caress.

No one will see me break
                        i break behind closed doors
No one will see my tears
                          i keep those locked away
No one will see my anxiety
                           i hide it well with a smile
No one will hear my words
                            i lace them so carefully
No one will ever know
             *but you have broken my defenses
                               and delved upon my soul

No one will see me break
                        i break behind closed doors
No one will see my tears
                          i keep those locked away
No one will see my anxiety
                           i hide it well with a smile
No one will hear my words
                            i lace them so carefully
No one will ever know
             *but you have broken my defenses
                               and delved upon my soul

I must say that today was a good day
I kept a smile on my face
but now it's night
Out come all the feelings I have tried to fight
Bombarding me with their essence
Clawing their way inside my head
Searching hard at my wall
Built around them, to keep me from my fall
Looking to find a breach
I must have one, for out some have leaked
the not good enough's, strong enough's, smart enough's, pretty enough's
for you
All my smiles vanish from the day
Gone like the suns rays
My insecurities flit about
Teaming my mind
Filling it with doubt
The crack must have become a crevice
A true breach in my defenses
For here I am laying in bed
*thinking how to just end

Is it not enough............

            you hold my world's desires

             *i've blossomed like a wildflower

           that the moon at us she smiles

       you have awakened my inner wiles

                             my heart beats for you

                      this ember burns true

         my body aches for your touch

                  of you I cannot get enough

*Is that not enough to keep you....

This is not me
I am not a girlie girl see
I don't like to write about
Rainbows, butterflies, roses and such
I enjoy the macabre
Death, destruction, blood, and pain
My muse is making it harder though
To write about what I truly know
Blood red nails raking backs
Reapers coming ******* you dry
Black hole heart's and obsidian souls
Graves dug deeper
Just to place you in so you cannot talk my secret keeper
These are the things I know
Now here I am...
Sunshine, unicorns, and **** rainbows
Heart's a flutter
Rose's are red, violets are blue
Oh dear me, now what to do

You are definitely not my type
Except for the dark hair and dark eyes  
You're eyes, intimidating as hell
At the same time they show kindness flowing from a bottomless well
Taller than me, but not by much
You're not body builder built
Instead built with a teddy bear touch
You act aloof, uncaring, so confusing
Then you turn around and make me smile, find life amusing
You know when to tell me to pull myself up
You know when I just need your touch
You take in stride my analytical ways
You haven't left, so far you've stayed
You call me a saint and you the devil's advocate
And I swear the line wasn't erased, you took it and smashed it    
But no, you're not my type at all
So I wonder why it is that I have started to fall

"Who are you?
Where have you gone?"

"Whom of do you speak?"

"Her, that one."

"Oh, I have killed her
Set her soul free
She was too kind, too weak
Her once repressed soul
Now resides in me"

"Do you not like what you now see?"

"No, I want her back with me"

*"Too bad. She's gone
You never from her should have run
She gave herself to me then"

A sliver of the moon peaks through the raging storm
A sign of foretelling, a sign of warn
The lightning brightens the sky
The earth rumbles in fear    
Rain crashes down like waterfalls into rivers
Wind thrashing at the trees
Making their limbs bend, bleed
Streetlights go out
Children are heard to shout  
Lightning flashes and a tornado is seen
It is November this should not be
Only in Oklahoma will in fall, you have spring

Oh my God!
What have I done?
I've let him into what I've become
Will he see my soul
Splayed open and true
Will he see these words
And think them all true
May he believe they are old
And not about him
For my soul is splayed open
They are of him

This is one that is true macabre. It may offend some. But in lieu of Halloween...*

Tears fall like rain
Hidden behind black veils
the pungent stench of flowers and incense
Assail the church
Finger paintings and beloved toys
Lay haphazardly inside
"I miss you"
"Please wake up"
"Open your eyes"
The priest performs the final rite
Holy water in the sign of the cross
Hymns are sung
Silence now abounds
Broke by the wail of the mother
"Dear God let him open his eyes!"
Back at home she sits
Upon her child's bed
Clutching his pillow tight
Inhaling his scent
Then he appears
As healthy as before
But there is a gleam in his eyes
Joy turns to fear once more
He crawls into her lap
Looks up and smiles
"My eyes are open now mommy"
Only then does she look into his eyes
They are not the eyes of her child
Now a black abyss
And as he slits her throat
He gives one last childlike kiss

I have heard the call
Sounds of life after the burning sun has settled
It calls hauntingly
Coaxing me to believe

If I had only heard it once
No mind would I have paid
Instead it called thrice
Who shall go to grave

I am near fear
Not wanting to step outside
For when the call comes
Nowhere is there to hide

Large eyes and a boneless neck
It can see three sixty
Searching for whom
To place underground next

It is so loud this screech
I can hear it in my home
Fear trickles down my spine
Whom has Lilith come to see

Pick me
    Pick me out of the throng of women
    The chaotic crowds
    This diamond in the rough

Choose me
     Choose me to lay beside you at night
     One whose demons need slayed
     Who will fight by your side

Love me
     Love me and you will see royalty in us
     I your queen, you my king
     Together we can rule this love

Pick me
      Choose me
                 **Love me...

I have a pill for all your ailments
Let me tell you what they're for
Here's one for you stomach
You know, when the acid churns and makes your throat burn
Here's one for your dizziness
Yep, that vertigo, this will get rid of
Another for your mind
You see, you shouldn't your sanity have to find
And yet another, this one's for pain
This one will help you when it forever rains
But here's one that I know you need
This one here, yes this one
This one's for your heart
Unfortunately it can't mend it back to before it broke
It will just keep it...well.....
I do apologize, I know it's not what you want to hear
This one will keep it from stopping like you want

Mist comes off the pavement
As though waves from the ocean
Mother nature is trying hard to not weep
Upon this cold winter's eve
  
Unable to hold it in any longer
Mist turns to a fine rain
Wind starts to pick up
Rain drops now menacing, larger

Thunder starts it's rythmic beat
Lightning forks across the sky
Dancing not with the thunder
Yet in erratic silver streaks

Mother nature is not pleased
The heavens are open now
So much damage to come
Vengeance is hers to seek  

Thunder continues to pound its steady beat
Trying to have lightning dance along
But lightning is feral
Having its own rythym to keep

Damage done now
No true winners here
Mist comes again like waves
Mother nature done throwing her temper

I want my poetry to feel to you as such
That I have ripped out your heart
                                and on it I stomped
Broke it into
         a thousand  p     e 
                                 i   c  s
                                   e

Placed back in your hands while you stood
on knees shaking

Making you  f
                         a
                            l
                              l
 onto the ground
Begging God for lost love while
your weeps and screams

A     B    O    U   N   D

This may be very vain of me to say
If my poetry did not make you feel that way

*then I am no poet today