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I want to go back to the begining
The begining of it all
I need to see when the stars were made
To see when it was that I did fall

I want to go back to that time
When all was right and well
I want to touch the moon, caress her face
She, in my ear, her secrets did tell

I want to go back to that time and day
When all love rang true
The day when the galaxies did collide
I want back the day I met you
I want to ask you to stay
I want to ask you to not keep me at bay
I want to ask you to let me in
I want to ask you to catch me as I descend
I want to ask you to catch me as I fall
I want to ask you to sprout your wings as to you I crawl
I want to ask you to hold me close as you take me and fly
I want to ask you to hold me in your arms while into the sky we climb

Slowly into you, you have let me be  
Little by little you have let me see
Catch me, I am falling  
Can you not hear for you my heart calling

Please hit the ground before I do
I want to ask but am afraid.....
I wish I never searched that day
                                        for old photographs
Of times from far away

I wish I never sent the first hello
                                                    just saying hi
Do you remember that time from long ago

I wish I never would have suggested
                                 let's do dinner this night
I only meant the water to be tested

I wish I never saw your face again
                          though it was hard not to do
I've been seeing it every Sunday weekend

I wish I could remember
                       why it was gone the first time
Did we truly leave a sparked ember

I wish the butterflies to escape
                  how they rage when you're near
They've been for years that way

I wish I knew you want me too
                                                     like I am
I wish to be held next to you
Loving having my little ones with me. Missing my lover. Maybe one day soon it won't be this way....
I climb this mountain alone
I require nothing but my own peace of mind
Along the way I found friendship that I believe will stand the test of time
Temptation has met me halfway up
One that promised to give back lost loves
But I've no time for empty promises and such
For my journey is not yet done
To the peak I must reach, and reach alone
Come with me
Let us explore this world
Eyes open anew
Let our wings unfurl

Our hearts we'll mend
Together along the way
Clasp together our hands tightly
Upon the wind we'll sway

Jump with me
Let's fall as one off this ledge
The past will stay there
The future for us ahead

So come with me
Let us together explore this world
Eyes open anew
Our hearts mended
Upon the wind our wings unfurl
Jump with me over the line.....
I cannot quit
I am a ******
in need of her fix

No matter how hard I try
To stop what I'm doing
this will be the last time

I cannot help myself
My fingers itch
i cannot just put it on the shelf

My lips are on fire
My body an inferno
quenched only with his touch, kiss

He is the drug I'm not ashamed to chase
My nights are lonely without him
*this ****** needs his embrace
Am I confusing you?
Do you think I want an us?
Dear let me put it this way
The line was erased between the both of us
Whether we wanted this or not
It has happened
Let's ride it to the finish line
Do not think I mistake this for love
For ***, I'm no where near that ready
I will say this, this is beyond just lust
Love though will not for a while be crossing these lips
So take me as I come
Take me as I am
Babe if you can't handle me, then I guess you're not truly a man
For I am wild and free
My inner beast you have unleashed
Just wanted to let you know since I'm no longer m'lady
Just wanted to make sure you understood
#line #erased #lover #wild #understood
Erotica will never seem so sinful
True love will never be so heartbreakingly beautiful
When two have lain like we have....
We divulged secrets prior to,
All but said it is only you.
Then with a mighty flex of your hand, you took me to new heights
Upon my mind you did expand.
Together we've lain but not like this.
I shall not soon forget.
I want to go again...
Imagination
from the darkest recess of the mind

Poetry
from the bleeding of the soul

Beauty
from the pain of living

Killing the reflection*
*from the mainstream of mankind
Set yourself free...break away from the mold..
I'm kinda cold tonight
I kinda feel alone
I kinda want him to hold me
I kinda want him to know
But my pride isn't kinda
It's an all sure thing
It keeps me from telling
It keeps me from him
One day I'll have the courage to say. One day I'll let him know when my pride doesn't get in my way
For He has been called many things
Teacher, prophet, Jesus, God
But to me He is called
*King of Kings
#lent
Kiss my lips
Make them tingle for days
Slide your tongue in
Take my breath away

Grab my hair
Fist it in your hand
Forcefully expose my neck
Remind me why I'm ******

Take me as your lover
If only for tonight
Kiss me until I beg for mercy
Make me lose my fight
#Kiss #lover #passion #need
As a lamb to the slaughter
That is how she went
Falling into his eyes
Her time was spent

Heartbreak unbeknownst
She blindly followed suit
It felt so good at the time
She did not know she was duped

The stars seemed to shine
Brighter every night
She dreamed of only good things to come
She thought the planets were aligned

The earth moved beneath her feet
The ground she never touched
She thought herself alive and free
Never a door was shut

As a lamb before the slaughter
That is how it was
Her heart now left in pieces
Shattered upon the rug
#lamb #innocence  #lost
I know I was quiet last night
Don't think to much into it
I really had no desire
To retell my day, my week
Finally I was falling asleep
Then when you rolled over
And cuddled me tight
Memories came flooding back
Cut like a knife
It startled me awake you see
Been a while since you just held me
Didn't know where exactly I was
Thought maybe everything had been a dream
That maybe the marriage didn't fall
Angry I became
Then I heard the whir of your machine
I knew then, this was real
After the memories subsided
I eased back into you
That's when I felt right again
It felt right, brand new
Then the hours passed quick
My alarm went off, time to split
I awoke with you holding me tight
Have to go, but this feels so right
Never before have I felt this good
Even with him I couldn't handle his touch
Last night though and this morn
It finally felt as it should
Nope. The ex was never one to fully cuddle. Excuses ranged from "hair's in my mouth, you're elbows too bony, my leg hurts too much". But him, no excuses, just pure bliss. So comfortable,  didn't want to leave... thank you for that and times to come
Oh my where has the time gone
I swear I'm not trying to race the sun home
Was I not just saying hello to night
Enjoying the sweet taste of life
The music reverberating through my bones
Sweet smell of sweat and drinks
Intoxication running rampant
Lips tasting of tequila, ***, and whiskey
Then suddenly I step outside
Face the east and shade my eyes
The city's lights fading away
Giving homage to the new day
Quickly! Quickly! Get me home!
I must not be awake for the coming dawn
But alas I am
What can I say
This one's too sweet
Tasting like night in the day
While on vacation in Vegas I raced the sun home three different mornings. Oops. Haha!
#whathappensinvegasstaysinvegas #mysecretstokeep
I love how you laugh
But I don't want anyone else to see
Then they too
May be mesmerized by thee

The way your eyes crinkle
The light that dances within
No one else is allowed to see
They may make you their sin

I want to be selfish
Keep you all to myself
Put your laugh in a box
Hide it high upon a shelf

I don't want anyone to see you
The way that I do
For then it won't be our secret
The way we now keep it

I do want to let the world know
Know of you and us
 But your laugh cannot be heard like I do
When we confess, that is a must

For you are my sin
For me alone to commit
No! Don't listen to his laughter. It is mine and mine alone. So rich and hearty, melts me to the bone.

#muse #laughter #mine
Lay
Lay
Lay with me
Tonight by my side
Entwine you hand with mine
unless you ask I won't bite

Let me rest my head upon you chest
Wrap your arms around me
cast my demons away
Let me feel secure during rest

Lull me into sleep
Our bodies tightly fused
Let your heart sing it's song to me
help me dream in color my muse

Hold me till morn's rays
Come spilling through the room
Awake me then with a kiss
*water this garden into bloom
#color #dreams #lay #garden #muse
I will try to not keep being sappy. Haha!
The words were failed said
Leaving my heart an ache
Mind blowing with possibilities
My soul crying in disbelief
And true to my nature is
I make excuses
For words left unsaid
Defending you to my own heart
My mind screaming
"Is not lost, his heart!"
The sun now gives way
Attempting to rid the night's agony
My heart still aches
With words left unsaid
I pray today
My heart be stilled
The night black as pitch
My headlights barely cutting the veil
An owl, mighty wings outstretched
comes into view and rests
Rests in the mid of my path
Pressing the brakes as hard as I can
stopping just feet where it had land
It opened its beak
but instead of a shriek
my name was called
Shivers raced down my spine
Me eyes wide, terror filling my inside
Is it true, did I hear what I thought
Again it opened its beak and out comes my name
a shriek it did not
I do not know now how long I have
but the owl has just called my name
I now await for death to make its claim
A tale of legend that has stayed in my mind.
I tried to sleep tonight. I'm exhausted but sleep will not come. You're on my mind. Tis like my soul you've made undone. I cannot see you for a while, the little ones won't agree. But oh if you could hold me in your arms, at peace I could be. I pray to God that you dream a little dream of us. One that puts a smile on your face and makes you, for us, full of lust. I know that when I dream, we are together, a picturesque serene. I also pray that if you read this, it will not scare you off. Dear my heart is not quite ready for that L word, love. But to have you stay in my life, would mean the world to me. Maybe soon it'll be ok, and the little ones will agree.
My lover, my friend has yet to meet my children outside of church. I don't know if he ever will. That is for me to decide and him to want.
How can I tell you that you have been my rock? My shoulder to lean upon though not physically here. How can I say that I value you more than I can ever express. That when I am down whether or not you know, you bring me cheer. That when I called to you and said please don't leave and you answered with I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. I knew then that I was in trouble, that I'd be hard pressed to not have you in my life again. I don't think I'll let you see this. I just don't think I can. I don't want to ruin what we have. I can't bear the thought of losing you my lover, my friend. You are my rock, my devil in disguise. My teacher and lover with obsidian eyes. You're better than you think. I just wish I could let you know. Again I'll never let you see this, I just can't let you go.
#rock #lover #cantloseyou #****
I'll never let you read this, I hope you know. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.  I wasn't supposed to fall. I was going to keep us in the friend zone, but on this I failed. I did want one night with you, heck maybe even two. I got those nights and then some. No, it wasn't supposed to happen.  Feelings were not meant to intrude. The line was drawn from the begining, but over it I stepped.  Before I stepped I  believe that you started to erase it. The line is no longer there. In its place confusion, butterflies. So what do I do now? How do I proceed? I tried hard to stay in my friend spot not wear my heart upon my sleeve. It now bleeds turning my hands red. It beats in rythm with yours now. It calls to my soul saying "I'm ready".
#**** #feelings #ready
I'm fine
except for the rolling, boiling, toiling of my insides

I'm doing ok
my body is just dying inside

Don't worry about me
my stomach is just in knots

See, I'm smiling
my soul has just become black

No tears for me
my heart just hurts

Look, I said I'm ok
don't believe me

*I'm a habitual liar.....
Honestly wrote this due to the stomach bug. It also fits though in everyday life. The masks we wear...
Give to me words
Uplifting ones
Ones where it will set my soul free
Let me fly as I am meant to
Give me words
To heal my broken soul
Ten years past
Ten years gone
Give me your words
Show to me all will be right
Give me words
Beautiful ones
Ones that paint the picture
The picture of me soaring above
Above this storm that has brewed
Give me words to my lighthouse
My safe harbor in this storm
Give me words to set me afire
Release me from these mortal bonds
6 more days and it is finished. I am ready but saddened that we failed.....
Memories assail me
I am an elephant like this
I remember too much
Voice, phrases, quips

So when I feel all is right
The sun can shine on my face
Memories come rushing back
Seeming to put me back into my place

How I wish I could forget
Like I did when I was younger
It seems fate instead wants to play her hand
As if gold I found is truly coal plunder

So I beg you to hold me tonight
Keep away harsh memories swirl
Keep me from the abyss
As memories unfurl
The past is always so close...
Listen and listen close

the wind she's telling you her secrets

She's telling you about your ghost


Look at the trees that bend

they are leading you

Leading you to him


Feel the dirt beneath your feet

it is no longer dry

Feel the earth as she weeps


Taste the rain upon your lips

smoke and ash raining down

Taste like the fire from his kiss


The ghost is ghost no more

wind, trees, and rain

They have led him to your door


Open it slowly with intentions true

upon your mouth a smile coy

*He is waiting out there for you
Listen close...do you hear the call?
Little girl, let's take a walk
You and I, a little tete a tete, yep we need to talk.  

Little girl, such dreams you have
They don't play out they way you wish they had

Oh little girl, such mountains you want to climb
It'll be ok. You'll slip and fall but reach the peaks in time

Little girl, please look at me and see
You won't end where you think you should
You'll end up where you need to be...
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to talk to our younger selves?
The soulful wail of the guitar
The beautiful voice of the lead singer
The bass and the drums reverberating through us
Tearing at the souls of the audience
Making our souls cry while our eyes stay dry
Our hearts left breaking in a million pieces
All the while we bob our heads and think of loves lost deep in the subconscious
Not understanding why we feel so lonely,  lost
Why we feel our hearts are being ripped from our chest                            
Play on soulful guitar, sing beautiful voice, encompass our bodies bass and drums
Sing our heartache like only you can.
I sit here with words jumbling inside my mind. I'm unable to force them out, unable to clear my head. My barricade for my emotions is crumbling with each song heard, each story shown, each phrase uttered so that each emotion flows with each word that flits by. Ranging from self pitty to exuberance. From deep seated jealousy to passions untold. Rage to the deepest of melancholy  
Colors accompany each word, each sensation. Green, yellow, blue, white, black, grey, and the most prominent of all  red
A crimson so deep that it seems blood has saturated my entire being
My eyes fill with the bitterest yet sweetest of tears, but I refuse to let them overflow  
No, I will not. For that would be infantile.
I am a strong woman whose thoughts are just that, thoughts, words, emotions...
How I long to put these words down just so I can feel peace from the *storm raging inside
#crumbling #storm #peace
The loneliest time
It's when your heartbeat is gone
When it's not with mine
Cannot wait till our paths bring us together again...
I do pretty good most days
Battling my loneliness
Today is not one of them
I really need your hand
*I want to hear your words
Reverberate in my ear
I want to just lay next to you
Feel your skin upon mine
Warming me from outside in
I hate myself on nights like this
When my need for you gives in
This is definitely one of those times
when I wish you knew my kids
Then I wouldn't have to be lonely tonight
I could rest with the taste of you kiss
Missing my friend, lover, muse.....
I've lost myself I do believe
It's a thought I have tried hard not to conceive
I've lost myself inside your depths
Inside those eyes of yours to which I lose my breath
I have lost myself beneath your touch
Your hands of velvet which  look so rough
I've lost myself to your words
Those you cannot see and those not  heard
I've lost myself in all your caring ways
How you know just what to say  
I've lost myself before I knew
It seems I've lost myself to you  
To say I'm not scared would be a lie
but I am willing to give this a try
There is a question though that needs a decree
Have you in turn  **lost yourself to me?
I want to lose myself
In between the pages
See fae and dragons
In my mind's eye
Feel loss and love
All in an hour
Become someone else
Feel the weight of a crown
Have the wind whip my hair
As I dive into a forest
See the greenest of greens
The bluest of blues
Escape from reality
Delve into another
I want to lose myself
**on the words of writer
I need a new book to read..
Lost my nerve
That's what I did
Not enough liquid courage
to fully admit

Parents stopped by
No warning in sight
Thank God it was morning
Not last night

Still no true definition
Guess there may never be
Our words to each other
Spread apart as the seas

Told you tell the whole truth
Nothing less, nothing more
When asked was I how to explain
After they walked out the door

Said wasn't worried
They haven't said a word
Thanks for clarification said I
Yeah, this line is still blurred..
Gah!
#clarification #blurred #line #***?
"M'lady" he calls after her
"Dost thou not love thee"?
"Aye, my kind and gentle sir, but 'love' shall not part from mine lips for you. Love is just a word. One that is used far too great. One that is better shown and not said".
"Then what dost I to do my fair maid"?
"That is the question you must answer thy self."
I finally love myself again
without you to love me
It feels wonderful
I'm having a love affair
Multiple if you get down to it
The sun, he kisses my cheeks every morning
My coffee frenches my mouth
My clothes caress over my body
At night
The stars whisper sweet nothings into my ears
And the moon penetrates my being
And they all become jealous when he is near
For he gives me all of this
He adds the butterflies that wreak havoc within
I am having a love affair
One I will not quit
Mmm, how I revel in my lovers....
One love letter never sent
Two love letters never read
Three love letters in the trash
Four love letters burning ash
The letters pile up inside my head
Love letters that will never be sent
All saying the same to him

*"I'm so sorry that I left you
That I went on and had a life without you
That I couldn't see the words you never said
That I believed words were all I needed
When I was wrong, your actions said it all"
Amazing how alcohol makes you remember the ones you wish you could forget. I am sorry Texas that I, as you so eloquently put it, destroyed you. Amazing how it is now actions I want and not just words.....hind sight is always 20/20.
One lover
Two lovers
Three lovers
Down

Four lovers
Five lovers
Six lovers
Bound

Beneath my feet.
Laying broken
upon the ground

One lover remains

Number seven in all
Think I'll keep him in my back pocket
Never know when I'll
need another go around
#bound #down #lovers #seven?
He enters her crypt
Here he came to have wept
But as he laid eyes on her
His heart then started to soar
No more did he think her dead
He saw in his mind her in a wedding dress instead
So he pulled her out of her crypt
And began to dance
Round and round her tomb
Dancing to the waltz in another room
Her head lolling to and fro
Her limp arms flailing like that of a rag doll
Still, round and round he went
Crying to the heavens
"This is it! No more can I fear of someone taking you away from me my dear!"
All this while he danced with her corpse while the waltz continued it's course
A madman he became
After the grim reaper came
And to rest she was laid...
Divulge to me your most ****** of fantasies
Speak your words that make love to me

Hide not behind emotions that bind
Take me again and see what you find

Unleash yourself and claim me as yours
Continue to impale me with your pleasurous sword

Whisper your quips in kisses and thrusts
Let us take this to a new level of  **lust
Thank you Bill Hughes for helping me refine this. Much love!
(Chorus)

Mamma can you hear me?
This is your daughter crying out
Oh holiest of mothers can't you hear?
My heart is weeping so loud  
Oh ****** mother dear
Your daughter's heart is ripping out  
Will you not save me momma?
Save me from all this pain and doubt?

(First verse)

He has left me
Abandoned me to the shore
Sailed on to new adventures
He seeks for me no more  

(Second verse )

The waves crash against me
Tearing away at my soul
He has left me hollow
I am broken now, not whole

(Third verse)*

The salt hurts my wounds
Bleeding them fresh with every kiss
How I long for his embrace
As I am made into the sea's mist
My first attempt at a song. A little sacrilegious I know especially for a Catholic like me. Be kind.... I do not know what chord to place this in. I'm thinking a minor most definitely.
All around the merry-go-round
Hearts are left in pieces
She skips on by
She stomps them some more
Fate! never ceases....
#Fate #*****
Upon the wings of angels
Messages are sent
They land softly upon your heart
Whether hell or heaven sent

You'll know the colour
From the message given
For it will reek of disdain
Or be sweet as heaven

Though there is one who's colour
Is not so easy to assume
It is of red
Lust or love, both are of that hue

If truly lust
Your fate is doomed
If it is of love
The garden in your heart shall bloom
May all your messages be sent from above
I want to read you
My poetry tonight
So tell me what it will be
Tell me what your mind's eye
Wants to see
Would you like something
Scary and dark
Or maybe one
That'll give you suicidal thoughts
How about something
Happy and carefree
Like children laughing
Playing tag and yelling
you can't catch me
Or how about
Carefree and bright
Inspirational
Make you ponder this so called life
Maybe one
Of unrequited love
Or one that'll make you swoon
Think past the gentle hug
So tell me your poison
I'd love to hear
Cause I want to read you
My poetry tonight
Have you feel my years
I look into the mirror and expect to see me,
but it is not me that I see
Well, it is, but truly it is not me
I expected to see a face healthy and full of life
Instead I see one that is ghastly and full of strife
Instead of bright eyes, hers are gaunt
Instead of rosy cheeks, hers are sallow, sunk
My lips I'm sure are of a healthy hue
Not hers, they appear to be blue
"This is not me!" I yell at the mirror of me
Then my image smiles and whispers "soon"
At this I take flight
My entire being filled with fright
All the while I hear her laughing
*Coming from within the mirror in my room
Happy Halloween HP family!!
The pain never goes away
How can it when you were one so dear
It has been decades, still I think of you daily, still wish you near
I still hear your voice, even though it's sound is diminished in its tenor
I still feel your hands upon mine
soft as ever

You came to me three nights after you left
In a dream it was, I'll never forget
There was I sitting in a chair,
people surrounding me, but none knew I was there
I stood to speak to those with whom were in the room
None could see me, none heard my words
Then you appeared, healthy and full of life
You spoke to me as though in life
You told me to not fear and that all would be well
You were happy now, no longer ill.
You told me then to wake and no longer be sad
You said one day we'd see each other
One day again

You haven't come to me since that dream
I wonder why it is
I miss you so much brother dear
I have so much to tell
I love you still and my heart still hurts
Though the scars hide it well
I lost my oldest brother to lung cancer 16 years ago. I didn't mourn him until 5 years ago. This is the first I've ever wrote of him. He's been on my mind a lot more lately. I guess it was time. I love you Gordon. May the angels and God still keep you.
Memories, how strange they are. One moment they are true, concrete. You feel as though you can grab it and relive it all again as it was the first time. As you are drifting inside of it, you change a look, a word, a carefully placed step. You changed it. The original now gone forever. That magical moment that sent the fires of fervor through your veins, the flames now snuffed. Instead of desire lurking from their eyes you instead see doubt. The memory carries on but now, now you wonder...did they truly mean what was being said? Their confessions of love and lust that were spouted from the lips of passion, the ones that could quench your thirst..was it real? Memories are meant to last a lifetime... So why then must our brains change it? Why must we then doubt our lovers? It is as though our minds cannot be grateful for the love that is present...
The mind is a tricky sob..
I don't think you understand. The way my chest tightens. There's a vice holding back the tears and it makes it so hard to breathe. this incredible pain and emptiness vying for the space. How my mind screams at me. The part of me that isn't like this is trapped in there. Banging on her cell walls begging to be let out again. the Monster has taken over. It's ******* the life right out of me. I don't think straight. I can't see clearly. All lines are blurred. Every look is suspicious. every text some other woman. This Monster is controlling my mind. Having me read between lines that aren't there. And the pain... Oh God the pain!! I don't want to die, but I just want the pain to STOP! I need help putting this monster back in its cage.....
Follow up from "The Glass Is"
Ten years asleep
Awoken from the coma
Bleary-eyed seeking
Hungry, thirsty
Weak from not feeding
A morsel here
A drop of nectar there
Stronger now fighting
Unlocked you did
Insatiable appetite
Unprepared I fear you are
The monster now set free
Uh oh, what have you done??
#*** #hunger #lust #monster
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