I want to go back to the begining
The begining of it all
I need to see when the stars were made
To see when it was that I did fall

I want to go back to that time
When all was right and well
I want to touch the moon, caress her face
She, in my ear, her secrets did tell

I want to go back to that time and day
When all love rang true
The day when the galaxies did collide
I want back the day I met you

I wish I never searched that day
                                        for old photographs
Of times from far away

I wish I never sent the first hello
                                                    just saying hi
Do you remember that time from long ago

I wish I never would have suggested
                                 let's do dinner this night
I only meant the water to be tested

I wish I never saw your face again
                          though it was hard not to do
I've been seeing it every Sunday weekend

I wish I could remember
                       why it was gone the first time
Did we truly leave a sparked ember

I wish the butterflies to escape
                  how they rage when you're near
They've been for years that way

I wish I knew you want me too
                                                     like I am
I wish to be held next to you

Erotica will never seem so sinful
True love will never be so heartbreakingly beautiful
When two have lain like we have....
We divulged secrets prior to,
All but said it is only you.
Then with a mighty flex of your hand, you took me to new heights
Upon my mind you did expand.
Together we've lain but not like this.
I shall not soon forget.

Kiss my lips
Make them tingle for days
Slide your tongue in
Take my breath away

Grab my hair
Fist it in your hand
Forcefully expose my neck
Remind me why I'm ******

Take me as your lover
If only for tonight
Kiss me until I beg for mercy
Make me lose my fight

I know I was quiet last night
Don't think to much into it
I really had no desire
To retell my day, my week
Finally I was falling asleep
Then when you rolled over
And cuddled me tight
Memories came flooding back
Cut like a knife
It startled me awake you see
Been a while since you just held me
Didn't know where exactly I was
Thought maybe everything had been a dream
That maybe the marriage didn't fall
Angry I became
Then I heard the whir of your machine
I knew then, this was real
After the memories subsided
I eased back into you
That's when I felt right again
It felt right, brand new
Then the hours passed quick
My alarm went off, time to split
I awoke with you holding me tight
Have to go, but this feels so right
Never before have I felt this good
Even with him I couldn't handle his touch
Last night though and this morn
It finally felt as it should

Lay with me
Tonight by my side
Entwine you hand with mine
unless you ask I won't bite

Let me rest my head upon you chest
Wrap your arms around me
cast my demons away
Let me feel secure during rest

Lull me into sleep
Our bodies tightly fused
Let your heart sing it's song to me
help me dream in color my muse

Hold me till morn's rays
Come spilling through the room
Awake me then with a kiss
*water this garden into bloom

I tried to sleep tonight. I'm exhausted but sleep will not come. You're on my mind. Tis like my soul you've made undone. I cannot see you for a while, the little ones won't agree. But oh if you could hold me in your arms, at peace I could be. I pray to God that you dream a little dream of us. One that puts a smile on your face and makes you, for us, full of lust. I know that when I dream, we are together, a picturesque serene. I also pray that if you read this, it will not scare you off. Dear my heart is not quite ready for that L word, love. But to have you stay in my life, would mean the world to me. Maybe soon it'll be ok, and the little ones will agree.

How can I tell you that you have been my rock? My shoulder to lean upon though not physically here. How can I say that I value you more than I can ever express. That when I am down whether or not you know, you bring me cheer. That when I called to you and said please don't leave and you answered with I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. I knew then that I was in trouble, that I'd be hard pressed to not have you in my life again. I don't think I'll let you see this. I just don't think I can. I don't want to ruin what we have. I can't bear the thought of losing you my lover, my friend. You are my rock, my devil in disguise. My teacher and lover with obsidian eyes. You're better than you think. I just wish I could let you know. Again I'll never let you see this, I just can't let you go.

I'll never let you read this, I hope you know. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.  I wasn't supposed to fall. I was going to keep us in the friend zone, but on this I failed. I did want one night with you, heck maybe even two. I got those nights and then some. No, it wasn't supposed to happen.  Feelings were not meant to intrude. The line was drawn from the begining, but over it I stepped.  Before I stepped I  believe that you started to erase it. The line is no longer there. In its place confusion, butterflies. So what do I do now? How do I proceed? I tried hard to stay in my friend spot not wear my heart upon my sleeve. It now bleeds turning my hands red. It beats in rythm with yours now. It calls to my soul saying "I'm ready".

I'm fine
except for the rolling, boiling, toiling of my insides

I'm doing ok
my body is just dying inside

Don't worry about me
my stomach is just in knots

See, I'm smiling
my soul has just become black

No tears for me
my heart just hurts

Look, I said I'm ok
don't believe me

*I'm a habitual liar.....

Give to me words
Uplifting ones
Ones where it will set my soul free
Let me fly as I am meant to
Give me words
To heal my broken soul
Ten years past
Ten years gone
Give me your words
Show to me all will be right
Give me words
Beautiful ones
Ones that paint the picture
The picture of me soaring above
Above this storm that has brewed
Give me words to my lighthouse
My safe harbor in this storm
Give me words to set me afire
Release me from these mortal bonds

Little girl, let's take a walk
You and I, a little tete a tete, yep we need to talk.  

Little girl, such dreams you have
They don't play out they way you wish they had

Oh little girl, such mountains you want to climb
It'll be ok. You'll slip and fall but reach the peaks in time

Little girl, please look at me and see
You won't end where you think you should
You'll end up where you need to be...

The soulful wail of the guitar
The beautiful voice of the lead singer
The bass and the drums reverberating through us
Tearing at the souls of the audience
Making our souls cry while our eyes stay dry
Our hearts left breaking in a million pieces
All the while we bob our heads and think of loves lost deep in the subconscious
Not understanding why we feel so lonely,  lost
Why we feel our hearts are being ripped from our chest                            
Play on soulful guitar, sing beautiful voice, encompass our bodies bass and drums
Sing our heartache like only you can.

I want to lose myself
In between the pages
See fae and dragons
In my mind's eye
Feel loss and love
All in an hour
Become someone else
Feel the weight of a crown
Have the wind whip my hair
As I dive into a forest
See the greenest of greens
The bluest of blues
Escape from reality
Delve into another
I want to lose myself
**on the words of writer

Lost my nerve
That's what I did
Not enough liquid courage
to fully admit

Parents stopped by
No warning in sight
Thank God it was morning
Not last night

Still no true definition
Guess there may never be
Our words to each other
Spread apart as the seas

Told you tell the whole truth
Nothing less, nothing more
When asked was I how to explain
After they walked out the door

Said wasn't worried
They haven't said a word
Thanks for clarification said I
Yeah, this line is still blurred..

"M'lady" he calls after her
"Dost thou not love thee"?
"Aye, my kind and gentle sir, but 'love' shall not part from mine lips for you. Love is just a word. One that is used far too great. One that is better shown and not said".
"Then what dost I to do my fair maid"?
"That is the question you must answer thy self."

I'm having a love affair
Multiple if you get down to it
The sun, he kisses my cheeks every morning
My coffee frenches my mouth
My clothes caress over my body
At night
The stars whisper sweet nothings into my ears
And the moon penetrates my being
And they all become jealous when he is near
For he gives me all of this
He adds the butterflies that wreak havoc within
I am having a love affair
One I will not quit

One love letter never sent
Two love letters never read
Three love letters in the trash
Four love letters burning ash
The letters pile up inside my head
Love letters that will never be sent
All saying the same to him

*"I'm so sorry that I left you
That I went on and had a life without you
That I couldn't see the words you never said
That I believed words were all I needed
When I was wrong, your actions said it all"

One lover
Two lovers
Three lovers
Down

Four lovers
Five lovers
Six lovers
Bound

Beneath my feet.
Laying broken
upon the ground

One lover remains

Number seven in all
Think I'll keep him in my back pocket
Never know when I'll
need another go around

(Chorus)

Mamma can you hear me?
This is your daughter crying out
Oh holiest of mothers can't you hear?
My heart is weeping so loud  
Oh ****** mother dear
Your daughter's heart is ripping out  
Will you not save me momma?
Save me from all this pain and doubt?

(First verse)

He has left me
Abandoned me to the shore
Sailed on to new adventures
He seeks for me no more  

(Second verse )

The waves crash against me
Tearing away at my soul
He has left me hollow
I am broken now, not whole

(Third verse)*

The salt hurts my wounds
Bleeding them fresh with every kiss
How I long for his embrace
As I am made into the sea's mist

All around the merry-go-round
Hearts are left in pieces
She skips on by
She stomps them some more
Fate! never ceases....

I want to read you
My poetry tonight
So tell me what it will be
Tell me what your mind's eye
Wants to see
Would you like something
Scary and dark
Or maybe one
That'll give you suicidal thoughts
How about something
Happy and carefree
Like children laughing
Playing tag and yelling
you can't catch me
Or how about
Carefree and bright
Inspirational
Make you ponder this so called life
Maybe one
Of unrequited love
Or one that'll make you swoon
Think past the gentle hug
So tell me your poison
I'd love to hear
Cause I want to read you
My poetry tonight
Have you feel my years

I look into the mirror and expect to see me,
but it is not me that I see
Well, it is, but truly it is not me
I expected to see a face healthy and full of life
Instead I see one that is ghastly and full of strife
Instead of bright eyes, hers are gaunt
Instead of rosy cheeks, hers are sallow, sunk
My lips I'm sure are of a healthy hue
Not hers, they appear to be blue
"This is not me!" I yell at the mirror of me
Then my image smiles and whispers "soon"
At this I take flight
My entire being filled with fright
All the while I hear her laughing
*Coming from within the mirror in my room

The pain never goes away
How can it when you were one so dear
It has been decades, still I think of you daily, still wish you near
I still hear your voice, even though it's sound is diminished in its tenor
I still feel your hands upon mine
soft as ever

You came to me three nights after you left
In a dream it was, I'll never forget
There was I sitting in a chair,
people surrounding me, but none knew I was there
I stood to speak to those with whom were in the room
None could see me, none heard my words
Then you appeared, healthy and full of life
You spoke to me as though in life
You told me to not fear and that all would be well
You were happy now, no longer ill.
You told me then to wake and no longer be sad
You said one day we'd see each other
One day again

You haven't come to me since that dream
I wonder why it is
I miss you so much brother dear
I have so much to tell
I love you still and my heart still hurts
Though the scars hide it well

Memories, how strange they are. One moment they are true, concrete. You feel as though you can grab it and relive it all again as it was the first time. As you are drifting inside of it, you change a look, a word, a carefully placed step. You changed it. The original now gone forever. That magical moment that sent the fires of fervor through your veins, the flames now snuffed. Instead of desire lurking from their eyes you instead see doubt. The memory carries on but now, now you wonder...did they truly mean what was being said? Their confessions of love and lust that were spouted from the lips of passion, the ones that could quench your thirst..was it real? Memories are meant to last a lifetime... So why then must our brains change it? Why must we then doubt our lovers? It is as though our minds cannot be grateful for the love that is present...

I don't think you understand. The way my chest tightens. There's a vice holding back the tears and it makes it so hard to breathe. this incredible pain and emptiness vying for the space. How my mind screams at me. The part of me that isn't like this is trapped in there. Banging on her cell walls begging to be let out again. the Monster has taken over. It's ******* the life right out of me. I don't think straight. I can't see clearly. All lines are blurred. Every look is suspicious. every text some other woman. This Monster is controlling my mind. Having me read between lines that aren't there. And the pain... Oh God the pain!! I don't want to die, but I just want the pain to STOP! I need help putting this monster back in its cage.....