Brown eyes
Green eyes
Black eyes
Blue
Sinful eyes, I see you...
Steel eyes
Grey eyes
Moss eyes too
Oh my, my. What shall I do?
Burning
Searing
Soulful infused
The devil comes out in you
Window
Let
Me
Inside
You
*Now I'm lost before I knew....

A table set for four
They join
Laughter and smiles
Tinkling of plates and glasses
For a moment all is right
Then slowly
One leaves
Then another
There she sits
One left
His smile
The dark of his eyes
The chocolate of his skin
He reaches to touch
A tear rolls down her cheek
he disappears..
Dinner for one
In this ghost banquet

Your words are my song

             the angel's choir itself

Your kiss my heavenly host

              we take this body

Velvet hands my drink

               we take this blood

You have become my blasphemy

                lord forgive us our sins

My vessel ready

                 as we forgive those before us

Stronger than lust, less than love

                  lead us not into temptation

**** you and **** myself

                 *we are the devil's playground

I just want to lay here
Wrapped in your arms
Skin to skin
Souls laid bare

Don't want to leave
Knowing I must
A feeling of peace
It completely engulfs

Take me once more
Show me how we're wrong
I don't believe it's true
Since my angels now sing your tune

One more cigarette
One more poem
Another night I sleep alone  

I've made this bed of mine
The one of lonely times    

No longer did I want to be unhappy
No longer did I want my feelings misconstrued
I do love
but not in love anymore with you
    
What we had was great
What we had was fun
But years ago it came undone

You changed and I tried to accept
I love you and you have my respect

But through the years I've found us drifting
Not together but apart
In that time you lost my heart.

This is not me
I am not a girlie girl see
I don't like to write about
Rainbows, butterflies, roses and such
I enjoy the macabre
Death, destruction, blood, and pain
My muse is making it harder though
To write about what I truly know
Blood red nails raking backs
Reapers coming ******* you dry
Black hole heart's and obsidian souls
Graves dug deeper
Just to place you in so you cannot talk my secret keeper
These are the things I know
Now here I am...
Sunshine, unicorns, and **** rainbows
Heart's a flutter
Rose's are red, violets are blue
Oh dear me, now what to do

A broken dagger in my back
It was twisted and turned
Placed right in the middle
Cannot get it out

The jeweled hilt lays at my side
Mocking me
Knowing I cannot get out
What lays inside


Why did you place it so
So beautiful with all its jewels
Why did you twist and turn
Break it off where our love away burns

The roses of yesterday
               wilted
Their purple hue darker
Strong stench of decay

The lilac of when
              continues
Their color still bright
Its perfume still strong

It is not done
                   pause
A battle worth fighting
Light defeats the darkness everytime

And then it hit her...
Like a thousand stars going into supernova. The brilliance of their light, instead of blinding, showing her. This is it. This is what she's been waiting for. Her other self. And it all stemmed from his smile at her...

It would have been so easy to keep going straight
Not take the turn left
Straight….a mere 13 miles and I'd be at your door
Straight….you'd have to face me
Straight…..tell me where I went wrong
13 miles, so close, eternity away
drawing a deep breath thru the tears
I turn left
This road….11 miles and I'll be at my door
This road….face to face with myself
This road…..to question what I did wrong
This road…..internal interrogation to play with my demons
11 miles, so close, too fast
Straight….I did not go
Straight….

I have sacrificed so much
More than you know
I sacrificed my happiness
I sacrificed my soul

I hate to sound so needy
Selfish in the flesh
I have sacrificed so much
I did it all for you

Now you go and leave me
At a time I need you most
You didn't die or anything
You leave knowingly, leaving me your ghost

I wanted to leave you myself
To this day I wish I would have
But I stayed for it was expected of me
My soul placed on the slab

I want to also tell you this
But I know I never could
I'll keep this all inside
Just like a good daughter should

There is a picture that hangs on my wall
It says "Enjoy the Journey"
Does that mean I can also enjoy the fall?
The fall into another's arms
The fall into another's kiss
The fall into another's heart
"Enjoy the Journey"
I believe I will
I'll enjoy this journey into it all
I will enjoy not only the journey, but also the
       F
             A
                   L
                         *L

it was supposed to be

A solitude investment
Never expected return
A single hand
No ace to burn

it was supposed to be

Glances from afar
Touches of sin
A yearning that burned
One that wouldn't end

it was supposed to be

A secret locked tight
Lips sealed shut
Except for the burning kiss
Clearly clean cut

it was supposed to be

But what was supposed to be
Took a turn in the tide
Together we have jumped
with our eyes shut wide

Aww  hell,
This is gonna hurt.
I let my heart open,
And in he came.
Nope, I fear this one is not going to stay.
Yep, I've done it this time!
I've set myself up!
This is gonna hurt.
Yep, this time it's gonna hurt like hell.

Do you understand this Mr so-n-so?
He works for her and her alone.
Are you really understanding  this?
She's saying goodbye in the decrees quips
Are you sure you truly understand?
She no longer wants you as her man
I just want to make sure you're getting this all
She's done with you
She's through
No more dances at the ball
So let her go, let her fly
Do not attempt to hold her back with simple lies
I will see and so will he
Then we will give you misery
So tell me again Mr man
That this you truly understand
She's gone from you
There will no longer be a her and you

Compress
1,2,3,4,.....28,29,30
Breathe, resume compressions
1,2,3,4....

That's how it was
Compress the 30, breathe
Do as told, repeat

                     *fight the cage
                     break the wings
                     compress the 30, then breathe

Continue to bang against the door
Slam into it so hard,  pass out, hit the floor

                      fight the cage
                      break the wings
                      compress the 30, then breathe

How long has this gone on
When can I admit it's done

                      fight the cage
                      break the wings
                      compress the 30, then breathe

Finally out
The door came free  

Time of death
                *August first, two thousand fifteen

Where did these come from
Brush them off, yeah, brush them off
               They won't leave
Sticky, spun strong like the spider's web  
Try again
Dance around like crazy trying to flick them away
                All to no avail, still there
Lay with someone else
A name slips....yours, Freudian slip
If they heard they didn't say
                Has happened more than once
                all trying to not let this be
Spider's web weaved around my heart
Scared, can't do this.
Not ready. Not yet.
                ready, not ready
                just afraid of being again left alone
Try to brush them off, sweep under the rug, wash them off, drink and sleep them away
****, still there....
              *For this roller-coaster ride I guess I'll start to prepare.

I sit here pondering on what I should write
My mind goes left
My mind goes right
The left is all unicorns, fantasies, and such
The right holds a more scientific touch
My left is screaming love and lust
While my right states clearly
Honestly, you are not ready to trust
So on to the pen and parchment I write
While my thoughts go left
Then turn and take a sharp right

Three rows from the front
That's where I sit
Oh, and to the right of the pulpit
My eyes gaze upward towards our dear crucifix
I pray hard for salvation
I try harder to cast the devil aside
I listen with rapt attention when the priest begins to sermonize
During all this, I feel a tickle on my neck  
I feel as though I'm being checked
For whom I feel is watching sits about six pews back, and to the left    
I wonder, does he pray for penance too
Lord knows both him and I have given the devil his due
I try to brush it from my mind and listen like I should
But it's so hard when the one I want, though still far apart, feels like he sits next to you    
Time now for communion
I hope my vessel ready
I stride up to the communion minister
I'm starting to feel a little heady
As I walk back to my place
I take a chance and glance
He quickly looks to the ground
I know that he watched me
My cheeks grow redder as I remember last night's round
I kneel and pray, giving thanks to our God
And I say an extra special prayer
Thanking Him for letting him be there
Now that church is over
I breathe a sigh of relief
We didn't get struck by lightning
As been told in belief
Maybe my prayers or his and mine combined
Kept the devil at bay
Maybe God then was the one today
The one to show that it's ok, that this may actually be.
That him and I can quit punishing ourselves
That together we can be.

Fingers feel
soul sighs
Swords ******
Into the depth you go
Begging for more
Barriers melt away
Windows open
amber in glasses swirl
Inhales of the smoke
Dreams become reality
Whispers penetrate
Calling to the other
souls collide
With a mournful
*whiskey
lullaby

I lay in bed and my ghosts surround me
A synchronized waltz in full swing
I bid them to go, to leave
They in turn look and laugh soundlessly    

My past it is haunting my mind
Like a movie playing before me    
taunting, leering, scorning me
How I long for it to stay where it is, behind

Faces with soulless eyes reveal themselves
Reminding me the wrongs I've done
They beg me to instead of hurt, help
Help though I cannot give, i have none

Waltz after waltz, face after hollow face
scream after silent scream!
I wish they would just let me be, leave

I wish this were nothing but a dream
I am afraid though that hell I am in
Again, upon a dulled black throne
After all, I have been corinated their *Queen

Tonight's the night!
I'm gonna "party like it's 1999"
Take my cup and fill it up with "brass monkey"
tequila really
Try to hang with these party animals
See what shenanigans I can create
Then when my libido is at its high
Gonna call you up
Come give me a ride
Even though you said
you no drinky, you no fun
Guess what, it don't matter
I'll make us both undone
That's my plan anyways....

but instead I see it going like this...

Party it up like I said before
Call you up
Have you take me to your door
I'll be drunk so the filter will be gone
I'll ask of you to sing me a song
Then I'll become brave
Liquid courage out of its cage
You may not remember but I sure do
Words you said to me as if on cue
Did I really hear right
Did you call yourself my boyfriend that night
Does that mean you think we're exclusive
If so why do you always act elusive
Tell it to me straight
For I have met you at hell's gate
And if you say that lying you were
Then this is nothing more than a blur
I will sleep this night by you one last time
In the morn I will leave this supposed paradigm...

One love letter never sent
Two love letters never read
Three love letters in the trash
Four love letters burning ash
The letters pile up inside my head
Love letters that will never be sent
All saying the same to him

*"I'm so sorry that I left you
That I went on and had a life without you
That I couldn't see the words you never said
That I believed words were all I needed
When I was wrong, your actions said it all"

Even though it was a comedy
It hit close to home
Comedy is just drama
With a little fun

The mask does nothing
But hide a crying face
Comedy is making fun
Of the heartbreak

You laugh until you cry
Nothing new at all
Except it hits your heart
Makes you feel it all

Comedy is just a mask
You put on for the show
Deep inside you feel it all
In the still of the night
You let it go...

Such a beauty to see as in you knife
S
Sl
Sli
    lip
      ips
         ps
          s

Such a song to my ear as blood
D
r D
i  r D
p i r
s p i
   s p
      s

Such a feel it has upon my hands your heart
Q   i  e  s
   u  v r
Q   i  e  s
   u  v r
Q   i  e  s
   u  v r

Such a taste in my mouth while you
    S
S   h
S  h  i
  h  i  v
    i   v  e
      v  e r
        e   r
           r

Such a bountiful scent you release when you
Cr
     ack
C    a  k
   r   c
C
   r
     a
        c
           k

This devil in me, mine and yours, soul
BLACK

BLACK

**BLACK

Screech of the tires
A call goes out
They jump in their trucks heading to scene
Unknowing what there they'll see

First to arrive
Assess and treat
Pack them up
On to the next scene

Call comes through
Multiple injuries coming
Flip the rooms
Know your role

They start to file in
One gurney at a time
A team takes each one
Each team tries to keep lives

Door number one screams for mommy
Door number two, whispers what did I do
Door number three
Working hard to save the life

First responders and nurses and docs
Working as one
A well oiled machine
Keep it together they whisper in the shock

Life eagle called now into play
Silent journey over
Deep breath on landing
Time to save a life today

Four sets of personnel
Trying hard for one in room three
Heart comes back
Then just as quickly leaves

Stable at last
Into the eagle they place
Silent prayers go up
Please make it to the next scene

Adrenaline rush over
Some go to clean
Others fall to the floor
So much blood it seems

A whisper of a breeze
flits over each
A calming one
Breaking harder, knowing what it means

The life they tried so hard
Never made it to scene
She came back to just say
It's ok, you tried to save me...

She can be hell on wheels
A devil on your bed
A true lady in streets
Give the gentlest touch you've ever had

That's just one side of her coin
Flip her just right and you'll get this...

She'll become your reaper
Tear your heart right out
Your worse nightmare come true
**** the life right out of you

Be careful how you treat her
She hangs precariously on the edge
One flip of the coin
A gentle touch or the demon in your head

I ran
Hard, fast
             away...
I ran until
breath was gone
Bending over
Head between legs
Sharp pain in my side
                                               still
I did not run enough
I cannot run
                       f   a     r
enough
He is still there
Inside my mind
                            I cannot escape him
black eyes
dark hair
His scent clings to me
So I run again
Maybe this time
This time I can
                               e  s  c  a  p  e
*him