Emotions flying everywhere
A storm inside
Threatening to destroy all you hold dear

Tears threaten to fall from grace
First time you've seen him since that day
How beautiful it is that he is alive
After his chest you broke, but brought back to life

Tongue is pock marked with scars
Biting as you do
Not sent to ears
Words sent instead to the stars

Eyes wanting the glasses
Rose in color of course
Who wants to see anything but
Instead forced to see the masses

Ears hearing every word
Begging for deafness
From the cries of pain and joy
Instead all is heard

Mind attempting to make sense
The senses seem to be too much
Overcoming all rational thought
You scream inside, too intense

Heart beating out the seconds
Needs to be slowing
Beating faster against will
Peace is for what it beckons

My friend
My lifesaver
You are hurt tonight
The memory of what happened
Not far behind
You felt the tiny body
Struggle for last breath
You saw the tiny head
Crushed beneath your hands
You felt the tiny neck
Snapped in two
I am here my friend
I will hold you
Place onto my shoulders
The pain that you feel
Take comfort in my caress
Sleep so you can heal
I will cradle you in my arms
As a mother would their child
I will try my best to console
If only for a while
A simple thank you felt for you to give
My dear, no thank you necessary
That is why I am here
And in my arms I held you tight
and as the baby can no longer do
You shuddered and you wept

My face is not that of beauty queens

                the indention in my forehead
                         shows that clearly

My hair is not as shiny as most

                        ***** brown and limp

My neck is not that of starlets

                         I have a double chin
                          when I look down

My chest is not that of a model's

              I could pass for a man right there

My stomach is not a six pack

                              having babies
                      stretched me too much

My bottom is not smooth at all

                      stretch marks all over

My legs are not that of a dancer's

                              chicken legs
                       I've heard them called

My mind is not that of Einstein

                      I'm still learning everyday

My heart is not made of gold

                             there are days
                the blackness comes through

My soul is not white as snow

                       it is tainted with life
                   harsh words thrown to it

I attempt to overcome my faults

                       walk as though I have
                    nothing to be ashamed of

But in the back of my mind
There sits the forever
                          Not good enoughs...

There's electricity in the air tonight
Or is it just in me
The stars seem to shine brighter
Or maybe my eyes are opened wider
There is anticipation in the coyotes yelps
No, it's my own voice calling out
The vibrations throughout my body
They are seeping into the world
I fear I will not sleep tonight
I wait anxiously for tomorrow
My heart beats out the minutes
My mind races of what's to come
I fear the silence of the drive
The what if's invade my mind
Can I do this again
What if I lose my stand
What if my voice takes a hiatus
Being seen loses my status
What if everything changes
All lost in exchanges
I guess I will ride the waves
Deal and not run to the caves
Hold my head up high
Try my best to not be shy
Let fate take the wheel
Let go insecurities I feel...

Give to me words
Uplifting ones
Ones where it will set my soul free
Let me fly as I am meant to
Give me words
To heal my broken soul
Ten years past
Ten years gone
Give me your words
Show to me all will be right
Give me words
Beautiful ones
Ones that paint the picture
The picture of me soaring above
Above this storm that has brewed
Give me words to my lighthouse
My safe harbor in this storm
Give me words to set me afire
Release me from these mortal bonds

Never have I ever
Heard truth pass from man's lips
I do not care how
Beautiful you make your quips

One may say to another
Beautiful you are
Then turn around
and lust for another

One may say
I shall never do that again
Turn around
Same mistake the following weekend

I have found actions speak louder
You speak what you may
The proverbial untruth
For what is real is in what
With your words you do

For never have I ever
Heard truth pass from man's lips
But have seen truth
Man's words in action

You win universe
You did it
You finally destroyed her
Made her cry tears of blood
Let her lie upon the cold floor
Alone, abandoned
Let her realize her worthlessness
As her life seeped into the wood
You finally let her
not good enough's
not strong enough's
not worthy enough's
Not Smart enough's
NOT PRETTY ENOUGH'S
Rise to the surface
Drowning her into submission
Letting her succumb to the darkness
The darkness that was buried deep within
You let it rise
You let it engorge her
You let it pull her into the undertow
Knowing she wouldn't be able to swim
Not this time
her last air bubbles of light
Drifted upon the raging storm
The storm you brought her
The one you stirred so violently
the whirlpool it created
A masterpiece
One for the books
She is now gone
Forever into the darkness
*she will never see light again

Lost my nerve
That's what I did
Not enough liquid courage
to fully admit

Parents stopped by
No warning in sight
Thank God it was morning
Not last night

Still no true definition
Guess there may never be
Our words to each other
Spread apart as the seas

Told you tell the whole truth
Nothing less, nothing more
When asked was I how to explain
After they walked out the door

Said wasn't worried
They haven't said a word
Thanks for clarification said I
Yeah, this line is still blurred..

There is a certain scent that comes after a spring storm
Completely different from the fall and winter. They have a hidden scent of fresh olives and decay with a touch of crispness in the air.

But the spring and summer storms. Their scent. Tantalizing, electric, chaos. I can smell the verbs after the storm. They play with my olfactory senses so well. Teasing, taunting. Open your mind, they say. Let us play with your demons they start coaxing. We shall set your pheromones loose. Help you to lose your control. Let go of the past. Open your heart to what is sitting in front of you. The verbs are calling. I am losing my control.
*I shall open myself to the chaos.

Tonight's the night!
I'm gonna "party like it's 1999"
Take my cup and fill it up with "brass monkey"
tequila really
Try to hang with these party animals
See what shenanigans I can create
Then when my libido is at its high
Gonna call you up
Come give me a ride
Even though you said
you no drinky, you no fun
Guess what, it don't matter
I'll make us both undone
That's my plan anyways....

but instead I see it going like this...

Party it up like I said before
Call you up
Have you take me to your door
I'll be drunk so the filter will be gone
I'll ask of you to sing me a song
Then I'll become brave
Liquid courage out of its cage
You may not remember but I sure do
Words you said to me as if on cue
Did I really hear right
Did you call yourself my boyfriend that night
Does that mean you think we're exclusive
If so why do you always act elusive
Tell it to me straight
For I have met you at hell's gate
And if you say that lying you were
Then this is nothing more than a blur
I will sleep this night by you one last time
In the morn I will leave this supposed paradigm...

Lay with me
Tonight by my side
Entwine you hand with mine
unless you ask I won't bite

Let me rest my head upon you chest
Wrap your arms around me
cast my demons away
Let me feel secure during rest

Lull me into sleep
Our bodies tightly fused
Let your heart sing it's song to me
help me dream in color my muse

Hold me till morn's rays
Come spilling through the room
Awake me then with a kiss
*water this garden into bloom

I have sacrificed so much
More than you know
I sacrificed my happiness
I sacrificed my soul

I hate to sound so needy
Selfish in the flesh
I have sacrificed so much
I did it all for you

Now you go and leave me
At a time I need you most
You didn't die or anything
You leave knowingly, leaving me your ghost

I wanted to leave you myself
To this day I wish I would have
But I stayed for it was expected of me
My soul placed on the slab

I want to also tell you this
But I know I never could
I'll keep this all inside
Just like a good daughter should

The sting of its tail is oh so sharp
I should know it has pierced my heart
Injecting it's amorous venom
All while I lay upon pure linen

My tail and my horns tried to block it's path
But it found a way around my wrath
Softened me up with its silver tongue
Before I knew I was undone

My fault I'm sure
this hunter at heart
I zeroed in on my prey
I chose my mark

Did not expect
for it to hunt me instead
I realized too late
He was in my head

I try to want to shake him off
To no avail
He has me in his grasp
Upon my being, his venom has assailed

Letting the vibrations be carried upon the breeze
While the moon bathed the hushed twilight in her soft glow

I spoke
The plateu's grasses and mesquite
Bending to carry my words
Across the miniscule miles that seperate us
The nighttime creatures deftly run towards you
Carrying my message

I spoke
Now I wait for the words in return
For the grasses to bend towards me
Carrying your words I long to hear

I spoke


            i       need      you   
 
The night land creatures scurry to my feet
The Hush twilight speaks

                  *i            am           yours

Thunder rolling across the night sky
Electricity charges the air
The wind blowing
Rain cascading down

She dances in the storm
Arms open wide above her
Smiling like a lunatic
As she let's chaos take her

With every fork of lightening
She bends her neck down
And every clap of thunder
She throws it back

Her dark hair flows behind her
During this her rain dance
With each drop of rain
She dances faster

There is a fire in her
It cannot be contained
It will not be snuffed out
Even dancing in the rain

21 years ago
a blast shook the state
Seventh grade and TV'S were off in school
What was wrong?
We became anxious
somethings off

Got home and my mom was crying
She's like me, we don't cry
I was scared
I learned a new word that day
Domestic terrorism

Domestic terrorism
Two words that should never be together
Two words that killed 168 souls
Two words that took the lives of babies

Two
       Words......

He thought it would ******* us
******* the heartland

We showed him
We became stronger
More vigilant
Using our second ammendment to the fullest
Pulling together in any crisis

This is the Heartland
This is the Heartbeat of America
Together we Stand
UNITED WE OVERCOME!

Domestic terrorism
Two words

Two
      Words

We will never forget
**WATCH OUT

When I peed on the stick
Nervous butterflies wracking my insides
We tried for two years
But this time felt different

I remeber when I again checked the stick
This time trying for only 4 months
Could it be possible
2 years for the first, 4 months for the second

I remember the first kicks
Both little tumblers inside me
My bladder was the trampoline

I remember the first pains
Were these the real deal
More false alarms
Not this time, they're not stopping

I remember the first cries
Not little mews
Big belted full of life
I cried too

I remember when I held you both
The first time was like a slice of heaven
Little bundles searching for food
Then opened eyes and recognition set in

I am your mommy
Welcome to this harsh world
I will protect you
Shield you as best I can

I vow to let you live
Learn from your mistakes
Be there when you fall
Be there when you rise

I am your mommy
I will never leave
I love you
So much love I never knew I could have

Nearly 20 year passed
Questions still remain
Why did we end
Why unto eachother did we not give in

Now here we are
Near 20 year later
Lust became rekindled
Love may come later

I have no other lover
Not for months now
Not since it seemed
For now we belong to the other

You open up to me now
More so than before
I am your lady friend
Only me, no more

But do you lie
Or am I lying to myself
Could 20 year later
Restart where we left off

I know not the answers
Nor do I care to know before
I will ride this roller-coaster
Till the carni says no more

you are my sunshine,
                        my only sunshine

Holding him close
Rocking my baby
He may be five but I still pace the floor and rock

                        *you make me happy
                          when skies are grey

Big changes are starting
He wraps his arms a little tighter
Safe, secure

                        you'll never know dear
                           how much I love you

Holding tight to his baby
Thumb in mouth
My little Linus
Safe and secure is what I bring

                           so please don't take
                              my sunshine away

*I don't want to go mommy.....

My darkness wants to play
"Find a victim" it says
"He who has no sin may cast the first stone"
But my darkness does not care
Her craft she wants to hone

There is one who has sinned
Broken hearts unable to mend
How shall my darkness proceed
Knives and axes are a must
She must complete the deed

Take this one down without fight
My darkness revels in this might
Tie the one up and then proceed
A cut here and there
Done when the heart stops its beat

My darkness is once again sated
She is the one who feels the hatred
It is as though nothing is how it seems
Wake up, sweat covered
It was all just a dream.....

He told me the butterflies never last
That they are nothing more than pheromones
That they last only for a few months

I beg to differ
There are still butterflies
They wreak havoc inside
Everytime I hear his name
See his face
Feel his touch

It has been months
I still have them
What does that say....

The butterflies left
Not long after "I do"
They haven't left with him
What does that say about you?

Her father beat her when she was young
She survived
It became easier everyday to forget
she breathed

She lost her brother as a teen
Watched her mom die a little
She survived
It became easier everyday to dull the pain
she breathed

She left the abuse of her first love
She survived
It became easier everyday to overcome
she breathed

She understood when the love was gone
She came to resolve and left
She survived
It became easier everyday to let go
*she breathed

I'm having a love affair
Multiple if you get down to it
The sun, he kisses my cheeks every morning
My coffee frenches my mouth
My clothes caress over my body
At night
The stars whisper sweet nothings into my ears
And the moon penetrates my being
And they all become jealous when he is near
For he gives me all of this
He adds the butterflies that wreak havoc within
I am having a love affair
One I will not quit

She can be hell on wheels
A devil on your bed
A true lady in streets
Give the gentlest touch you've ever had

That's just one side of her coin
Flip her just right and you'll get this...

She'll become your reaper
Tear your heart right out
Your worse nightmare come true
**** the life right out of you

Be careful how you treat her
She hangs precariously on the edge
One flip of the coin
A gentle touch or the demon in your head

Woke up alone in my bed
My kids at their dad's
I wonder what stories he put in their heads

Worked ******
Everyone was being an igit
I sometimes wonder if it's even worth it

Got paid today
Gone in a flash
Bills mounting up I have no cash

Picked up the kids from their dad's
He decided to fight
Called me a *****, man what a drag

After some movies the kids fell asleep
Alone now with my thoughts
Yeah, and my idiot dog just left me...

Set the stage for silence to commence
Silence is hear to play
Her unending hymn
A docile happenstance

Silence
Such a comforting sound
It is the soothsayer
Calming me down

Flip the stage for chaos is here
Drowning out the silence
Feeding my soul
Removing the deafness from my ears

Chaos
My wild unending self
Scrapes at my mind
Revitalizing my inner wealth

Silence or chaos
I thrive in both
One let's my demon out
The other my ghosts

I have heard the call
Sounds of life after the burning sun has settled
It calls hauntingly
Coaxing me to believe

If I had only heard it once
No mind would I have paid
Instead it called thrice
Who shall go to grave

I am near fear
Not wanting to step outside
For when the call comes
Nowhere is there to hide

Large eyes and a boneless neck
It can see three sixty
Searching for whom
To place underground next

It is so loud this screech
I can hear it in my home
Fear trickles down my spine
Whom has Lilith come to see

******. I'm confused. You act like we're    together, then you act like I'm being used. When you write your poetry it strikes a chord in me, but you won't say and I'm too afraid to ask you see.  I think that we might be exclusive but it's hard to know.  Bring a toothbrush and bring some clothes. Is it the fact that I'm still legally bound? Or is it when you're drunk is the only time you want me around? You let me come over one night and just gave me your shoulder. That was the first time we just slept together. No ***, no attempts, just slept in pure innocence. We've had times since, just laying there. Holding eachother till dreams commence. Thing is, I need to know. What are we, where do you want this to go? One day I feel I am ready, take on a new journey, the next I'm scared and I don't want to be your hunny. I'm sure it's just because I don't know. Please tell me so I can go on with my show...

She used to revel in your touch
Become giddy when you were near
Fantasies adorned her thoughts
Thoughts of one she held dear

Now her skies are grey
Steel as a sword
Insecurities now abound
She feels desolate, worn

I hope you're happy with yourself
You cruel and selfish pig
Now she's crawling again
Unable to stand after your gigs

She tries to let love in
Consume her as once before
She finds it near impossible
She can barely get off the floor