Memories, how strange they are. One moment they are true, concrete. You feel as though you can grab it and relive it all again as it was the first time. As you are drifting inside of it, you change a look, a word, a carefully placed step. You changed it. The original now gone forever. That magical moment that sent the fires of fervor through your veins, the flames now snuffed. Instead of desire lurking from their eyes you instead see doubt. The memory carries on but now, now you wonder...did they truly mean what was being said? Their confessions of love and lust that were spouted from the lips of passion, the ones that could quench your thirst..was it real? Memories are meant to last a lifetime... So why then must our brains change it? Why must we then doubt our lovers? It is as though our minds cannot be grateful for the love that is present...

I watch as a ****** of crows fly over
Cawing loudly
Deafening in their wake
Landing upon a barren tree
Giving the illusion of life
I stare pointedly at this ******
Then, they quiet
A fog of silence
Loud and unrelenting
No cars to be heard
Insects hushed
The only sound is the beating of my heart
They move as one
Heads turning simultaneously
Eyes staring back
Only one opens its maw
A screech of terror comes out
They are warning me
Of what, I do not know
In the screech I do understand
A trial is set before me
One I must withstand

I was asked
"Is the glass half empty, or half full?"
I answered, "the glass is refillable"
But they do not understand
How long it has taken to get to that
The medicines I take
The mantras I repeat
Every minute, hour, day
The fact I submerse myself in life
Trying to find that "normalacy"
The medicines help
They keep my monster locked away
At least, I like to think they do
It is still there
Taunting me behind bars
Attempting to break free
Devour me with its darkness
I may seem normal
Happy-go-lucky
But they don't see
How much I fight
To keep the monster from me

When I am nothing but the rain
cold, harsh, unrelenting
Will you stay?

When I am nothing but the night
dark, lonely, scary
Will you run and hide?

When I am nothing but the fire
wild, scorching, unrelenting
Will you burn with me?

she fades away
Becoming quiet
Unsure where she belongs
Feeling whole with you
Then feeling alone

And then

she folds into herself
Thoughts of days past
Close up her mind
A cocoon of stealth

And then

she blossoms
Despite winter's chill
Your presence a breath of spring
She emerges vibrant
Whispers...*with you I feel..

I am not blind
I see this for what it is
I am not the one and only
Who upon your bed slips
I know I want to be
I wish you would too
For this I do know
This is no flight of fancy
No rebound goal for me
I am not asking for forever
I just want exclusivity...

Stories that never had a voice
Spoken in hushed tongue

                    we

Loves that are forgotten
Brought again back

                   we are

Laughter echoes
the halls of the mind

                       all

Turmoil and hate
Forever near

                   all we are

Tears sit
In the waiting room

                        left

Longing teeters
On the edge of lips

                      voiceless

The warmth of breath
Crystallizes in the air between

All we are left with
a voiceless
                  *symphony

And as I sit alone
Silence abounds
My mind begins to take off
Racing into different directions
A firework bursting forth
I hear voices of past and future
Ripping into my soul
Taking the calm tranquility
That lied so within my breast
Creating chaos
A storm of storms
Threatening to tear down
the walls I have built
Flashes of red and green
Passion and jealousy
Blind me into submission
I strain for the voice that's whispered
the calm within this pandemonium
the one who's screams
Are hushed by the violence
The words that soothe the fire
The past is past
No more can be done
The future is not yet writ
Your path yet traveled
Cling to today
To the moments of now
The assault over
I lay my head
Smile and drift into the *now

The tears come today
A dam opened
Unable to stop their accosting ways
The day approaches closer
With it seems this line
The one we erased
Drawn again
I don't know why
Painful it is to see
This white chalk line
Drawn so between
As my day approaches closer
Further away
You seem to be

And then it hit her...
Like a thousand stars going into supernova. The brilliance of their light, instead of blinding, showing her. This is it. This is what she's been waiting for. Her other self. And it all stemmed from his smile at her...

He wants me
he wants me not
He needs me
leaves me to rot
One moment it's on
the next it's not
An open book man
no simple thought
He shows himself fully
a web of shadows he's caught
My heart he holds
i fear will let drop
He wants me
*he wants me not

Black hot tar
Falls from the peak
Onto the white
marring
staining
It's stench
Overwhelms
envading
Unable to get away
The heat
acidic
Crevices made
Footholds to the plateau
gone
Sides slick
No amount of purity
grace
truth
Can wipe it clean
Welcome to the valley of life
Where all good fades
All attention given
The DISCOVERY of *Man

The heart wants what the heart wants
The mind deftly follows
the eyes open wide
The mouth cannot swallow
the skin starts to glow
The ears hear it all, even the lows
For when the heart wants
What the heart wants
You must let your soul follow

Sitting, staring at the document
Laid bare before me
Letters turning into words
Into jargon
My mind hurts to read
It should not be like this
The pain that accompanies
Years lost, gone
Words mocking
Words of terror
Rising anger inside
Heart breaking
*"Corey, this is as though we are preparing for war"
"We are. It has begun"
"And we are but it's pawns"....

Oh hunny
Don't you cry
He isn't worth the tears
That fall from your eyes

Yes he came in
A tornado of the storm
Had your heart racing
Took away your forlorn

And as the storm fades
The tornado leaves the earth
Left in your mouth
The bitterrest herbs

He truly was the storm
In the wake of sadness
But storms are not to be trusted
*they are pure madness

It has been asked
Why...

      why

Why do I stay
What do I see

         why....

I cannot say
These feelings that are there
For the words to express
*have yet to be made

Black cats race down the street
They all stop and stare where the cross sections meet
Normally you wouldn't care
Normally you wouldn't shiver under their stare
But on this night
With a chill in the air
As the fall leaves rustle under the glare
A full moon hangs with a wicked stare
You hear something on your right
You look but nothing is there
Out the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse
Something dark, you can't see, just feel it's presence
You start to shake
Your mind going wild
The fear tonight you cannot reign
It is Devil's night
It is SAMHAIN!

Back road red dirt
Sipping Zima with the jolly ranchers
Hanging with the guys
The girls just too much drama

Having to be carried in
Only 17
Momma shaking her head
Waste basket and a hair tie for me

Growing up small town
Cruising the drag
Drinking at the tin barn
Watching fights turn into love
Memories were made
The ones that'll never fade

Had my first boyfriend
From the rival town
We were the talk of everyone
Twenty years later
Giving it another go round

Had my first kiss
Parked by the y
Being carried in again
Momma just shaking her head

Cruising the red dirt
Mesa's all around
No guardrails to protect
When my heart was broken and down

These are the memories
Ones that'll never fade
Hitting that red dirt
Even to this day

This is one that is true macabre. It may offend some. But in lieu of Halloween...*

Tears fall like rain
Hidden behind black veils
the pungent stench of flowers and incense
Assail the church
Finger paintings and beloved toys
Lay haphazardly inside
"I miss you"
"Please wake up"
"Open your eyes"
The priest performs the final rite
Holy water in the sign of the cross
Hymns are sung
Silence now abounds
Broke by the wail of the mother
"Dear God let him open his eyes!"
Back at home she sits
Upon her child's bed
Clutching his pillow tight
Inhaling his scent
Then he appears
As healthy as before
But there is a gleam in his eyes
Joy turns to fear once more
He crawls into her lap
Looks up and smiles
"My eyes are open now mommy"
Only then does she look into his eyes
They are not the eyes of her child
Now a black abyss
And as he slits her throat
He gives one last childlike kiss

They are gone again
So is he
Unknown where he is
They in bed, other house, asleep

My normal rock
My shelter
Against the demons that rage
He has left
Not even a goodbye bade

My house is quiet
The shadow comes to play
Darkens my skies
My demons run amok
No one to help them slay

I'm leaving tomorrow
Just for the night
Not where I want to be
It isn't with him
It won't feel right

But if he wants to play
Then play I will
Since my demons are free
This almost love
Will just stand still

How can I tell you
What I'm going through
How my life's been flipped
When your face came into view

How can I tell you
What's wrong with me today
Why I'm acting cold
When it's you who made me this way

How can I tell you
That you're the only one I want
Even though you hurt me
Made me feel empty gaunt

How can I tell you
I forgive you of this
I know we got close too fast
But I sure miss your kiss

How can I tell you
I wish I knew how
I guess I'll just write it
Maybe you'll see this and want the same too

Don't get burned
not again
Keep your hand away
The fire is too much
You'll turn to ash
Don't get too close
Don't touch the flame
No, not again
too late
The fire so compelling
It's sweet scent overwhelming
Hypnotic in its gaze
You can't help it
this time
This time it's different
It's not just your hand
You're holding your heart
Your soul its cocoon
Into the fire
You feed it
You feel the pain
But don't let go
Moves up your arm
Inch by inch
You try to pull away
too late
You've been burned
*turned to ash by this flame

Into the wild
is where she roams
Path unseen
Destination unknown
Following hearts desire
Leading her to
Blessed inner fire
Trees do sway
As she spares not a glance
at the lights play
The grasses bending
To her will
Forest creatures
Gaze standing still
For never a sight they have beheld
This woman running free
Here in the wild

Dark pricing eyes
Fistful of hair
Exposing her like no other has
Nervous energy
Coursing through
His tongue dancing
Teasing the lifeblood on her neck
******* her like art
Cotton becoming silk
His cool hands attempting
to tame her fiery skin
Slowly he claims her
Explosions of ecstasy encompass both
No words needed
Caught instead in each others mouths
Ripples of pleasure
Hum through the air

Pick me
    Pick me out of the throng of women
    The chaotic crowds
    This diamond in the rough

Choose me
     Choose me to lay beside you at night
     One whose demons need slayed
     Who will fight by your side

Love me
     Love me and you will see royalty in us
     I your queen, you my king
     Together we can rule this love

Pick me
      Choose me
                 **Love me...

I'm tired
Worn out
I don't know how much
I have in me to fight

These ten hours days
Sleepless nights
Taking a toll on me
More grey hairs in sight

I'm doing this
Five days a week
No break
Been doing this three weeks straight

Two of the three when I come home
Homework, dinner
Bath and bed
Clothes aren't fitting, getting thinner

I'm just so tired
I need a break
These ten hour days at work
Five days a week
Three weeks and counting straight

A forgotten memory
Of forgotten lore
Begins to knock
At your minds door

Opened barely
A peek is all
Just to see
This memory lost

Your minds door opens
It needs you to know
This forgotten memory
This forgotten lore
This forgotten tale of woe

Assaulting your mind
Corrupting your senses
Remembering sights, sounds
Destroying your defenses

You attempt
to lock it back away
Regain control
But it is loose
*This monster out its cage