You didn't hurt me
You hurt her
So don't apologize to me

At least she is smart
She actually did it
This time

She isn't coming back
For real, to you

It's different than the other
Five or six attempts

The honeymoon phase was on
But she saw through it
And said goodbye

She meant it and she's gone
Like she ought to have been six years ago

Goodbye is freeing
Although it's painful
Goodbye is them
*Them is gone

I have come to a conclusion

You either care for me deeply or completely hate me

Because nothing else could ever explain

The damaged look

On your face when I walked by you tonight*

And just said "hi"

My best friend in third grade
Knew I liked this one boy
So we imagined ourselves in twelfth grade
At graduation night, throwing our caps in the air

She dared me to kiss him on the lips at that moment
In the very distant future
To declare my "like" for him after all that time
When we were about to say goodbye forever
Because to a third grader, graduation doesn't seem so final

But thinking about it now
The boy I liked in third grade
Is not the boy I love in twelfth
He wasn't even the boy I liked in fourth

Even several years ago
I imagined that if we never were together
I would find you on that night
Diploma in hand, blushing uncontrollably under my tassel
And kiss you
Tell you that I have loved you for as long as I can remember
And that I will love you until I forget myself entirely
But times changed again like they did in third grade
I am different than I was, but yet love the same

Graduation seemed to always be that time
Now or never, now or never, now or never
That if I were going to do something
Confess something to
Someone I never had the courage to love
It would be on that date
Because the next day
*We would both leave

I'm a paradox of desire
Just some tangle of prickly thorns
Push me, pull me in some direction
But know I never heed forewarns

I'm addicted to love
I crave the feeling
You give me

When you look my way
Or smile that smile
Oh my, those eyes!

Your essence is intangible
A jungle gym of emotions
Fill my chest when I'm near you

Young love.
Raging passion.
Jealous eyes.
Immature reasons.
Resentment.
Distance
Separation.
Move on.

Today, like many days
My special friend in study hall
Asks me why I am not dating you

He tells me that when we broke up
It broke his heart
Because he loved us being together

So he recently told me
That while he knows
We are with other people

He has been secretly
Or not so secretly
Trying to get us back together

By telling each other
When we are near
In hopes that we will talk

Now, this is extremely embarrassing
Considering I am very awkward around you
And you don't want to see me anyway

But I put up with it
Because I love him
And I know you do too

He told me that he wants us to be together
Because he said he loves me
And he loves you too
Even though you are a "womanizer" who drives a gas guzzler

And he wants the two people
He loves
To love each other

But every time He says this
I have to remind him
That not everything is perfect

Like how he says sometimes Tesla cars catch on fire
Despite their fuel efficiency
And stylish appearance

And even though University of Kentucky
Has an amazing basketball team
They still have 92% coal emissions