i was born with the sun behind the trees
i was neither miracle nor mistake
just felicity
it’s sad that this sadness is mine
it carries me on through midnight
memories and years
i’ve has almost plenty
nobody at nineteen
now me at twenty.

my brain and it’s incompetencies
have a lot of fun
in my empty skull,
these days
they remind me that i’m always
missing the one card
that would make a full house
the rooms are empty
but i’m in all of them.

it’s not that i want to be alone
it’s that i don’t want to be around anyone
unless they’re you

you’re the only person i can talk to
as soon as i wake up

my lips get numb and i miss
your soprano laugh
and spinning around on a needle is fun
but it’s more fun when you’re
spinning, too

i get myself dizzy
and remember why i fell in love
with your steadiness.

you know that it’s you, right?
when we were joking that
we were test scores and
one of us was good and
one of us was the best?
when you said you didn’t want to think about it
when you said
“that’s an emotional vulnerability
for another day”
and i said
“okay but we know”
and you looked kind of
like you didn’t?
you know that you’re the best answer
the right answer
right?

look at this
this condensed structure of bone
and syrup
with its jaw slack
and it’s eyes so empty
gather round and take a glance
at this creature
stumbling about in a trance-like state
of corrupted effort and damnation
it is the spirit of exhaustion
and disappointment
it hides in your closet

it certainly hid
in mine

it is poetically fitting
that you’re the one to remind me
of a phrase i’ve been trying to think of
for two years

i could never get so much of you
that you start losing value