Where's my wiggle room?
the space in between my heart and yours

no place to escape
the tea kettle hisses and finds an exit path

the dominoes find their way with a little push of a hand ..

And with both hands clasped,
I can cut the ties too

I'll keep my sadness at bay
where it won't spread into the depths of the unknown

maybe this way I can swim to safety
maybe I can catch a ride by a passerby

I will take a warm hand anyway
the upward curve of a smile
a glimpse of human
that's all I need

I'm sorry that I never listen

as I listen to my heart beat in an unfamiliar way

and late at night as I lay in tear soaked pillows
I hear the rain for the fifth time this week

and maybe I've hit the drop off point
maybe I've done all I could do

torn away the last of the good
to see what remains
and maybe I'm looking for attention
or not paying enough

dropping the ball
picking up when things were good

don't do this to yourself

do you ever feel like a bad person
not by the word of someone else
but an inner disgust;
a creeping crawling entity that takes you down a path

no control but all the control in the world
crows one by one picking apart your thoughts

scavenging
eating away at any sense of belief you had in yourself

washed away like a sink once full of ***** dishes

I breathe but feel that's a privilege,
many before with purer hearts have gone

but me
I'm still here

He has eyes that wander
Wander through creaks and upstream
Down riverbanks and across the jungle floor

He has eyes that escape
Escape the connection of two souls merging

I don't know I can be enough for someone who is always searching for better

how it feels to be newly 24
it feels short termed
like a fresh turned leaf
the beauty is unimaginable but in the back of your mind the unrelenting doom that it will be gone so soon
and as the wrinkles of time sway you, it only makes sense to wonder about how many lines have formed due to worry
I've worried my whole life it seems
for external matters, internally, and things unseen
when will I get married
when will I have a baby
when will I become an adult
when will I feel ready?

Unanswered questions leave holes in my life, open ended questions are always the toughest, though seen easiest because you can elaborate

But what can I say

I shiver
I freeze to the bone
the.warmth of his love has experienced it's first frost

But you never realize how much you want a minor inconvenience when your mind feels numb

how much you want to be embarrassed,
have sweat rolling down your chin
to get stung by a hornet and walk in the path of the storm

I want to be late for work,
stuck in traffic,
lost in space and time itself--
feel the heat and pressure of life digging it's expectations and riddles in your back

I want to lose my keys for the rest of eternity,
break down on the highway because maybe then my silently breaking heart won't feel so left out

This silence is dangerous

how much you want to feel both the intensity and dullness of emotion
-kaitlynmarieadiary

is he who you really want?

is it his eyes, sharp shooters that have seen the world that I love

is it his mouth
that says the words that fill the void at the moment, but could never stand alone

or perhaps his hands
that hold me and comfort me
that allow me a sense of home within cracking walls and leaking faucets

dim the lights
conspire to undress the day
and find the light

if you knew
you would take it back
one day the suns out
it pours the next
your heart is still here
in disguise in every act of kindness
in every good thing
Your heart is a fossil

I used to believe my poems needed an ending
But in life, things rarely end like a storybook

In Mid conversation or
They leave early
Another breath
And another laugh
The normal things

yes the years have gone by
but the scent of a burning cigarette
and kisses in between hasn't left
it may have been a dream
but I will carry it forever
maybe it wasn't too good to be true
it was true and it was good
a short time felt like a long while
how are you
time has passed and my greatest wish is for you to heal
you locked the door, every one you could find
and my smile you could see from heavens away

Venus fly trap of intrusive thoughts
a broken record of do or die
tangled up in fear and weighted down by the comfort of a blanket in the moment
if I leave my head even for a minute,
I risk delving into the deep end,
the drop off point

It holds you down in the light of day
But no one can see to believe the pain wrapped around your veins
No one can see because you wouldn't say it
You wouldn't frame it in a way that makes you seem like a villain.

when you realize fully that what you can't control is no fault or imperfection you hold,
the most bountiful sense of relief you behold

the gloomy days aren't personal- but
the sunshine is

A whisper
An echoe
A hummingbirds hymn
All sound the same
When you're waiting for the answer

with tight lips
to not let any of me slip
I the embodiment of fear
wrapped in a gold cloth
I am rich
rich in potential
its raining over me
so much that I can't see


Where I am going

trust no one
but trust me
in the middle of nowhere
where tranquility is a rare resource
and inner peace the prize

defeat the purpose
put it in a bottle and throw it in the sea,
and sometimes it's not a good idea to be too curious, after all,
you might find something out

It's unclear where writing poems will get me,

But they have gotten me out of my mind, hardships, suffocating fears

And that's ok if that's all I get

you can make a knife out of anything
a heart

you can intoxicate yourself
you know too much
your own intentions,
worries,
mirror from within

a part of me knows
another part pretends not to know

dancing around the tone of her voice
exhaling too loud to drown the echoes
of "I love that color" and the "aren't you the neighbor girl?"

when a 22 year old meets a 97 year old-
rest in peace, Ole

You feel uninteresting
Unappealing
Want to get unstuck
You strive to be part of a larger entity
But you sit and watch

Your confidence is
Like the waves forgetting how to dance

It's not all that it's cracked up to be

Sometimes I really do want you to change my mind, my way of thinking

listen to the sound of meaning and tell me if it means anything to you- the glass stains with colors of blue and grey dripping down and landing on your best intentions. don't leave me for the wolves- take me with you.

don't leave me for the wolves
or tell me to hold onto my horses
or test my patience
make me walk the tightrope-
insist that time flies-
as I'm pushed to the edge by her wind

how far can u run until u r safe

imagine being isolated from everything you love






take those painfully intense emotions
make them be your guide to loving more, loving stronger, and being the fire that you still are, maybe just smoking, maybe you can't see anything at all.

But you were born to ignite your true colors

Even if you can't see with you heart

Lost in the sounds of tomorrow

I didn't forget
just haven't thought of it in awhile
as the day breathes in the storm and holds it in for a few more days, you start living to prolong the storm, to walk on the outer circle, to breathe a cold fire.

Its not the right thing to do, but the thing that makes you feel alright

we met in stages
I felt you as the parade got rained out
felt you again when it was time to go, say goodbye, get in the car, go home
dust and pebbles flew up as you left that driveway like you always did
as I age the river floods, dries up, floods, dries up, and everything in between
sadness has always been a river
a river freezing to the core  
and now you seek to find the ray of sunlight that you hoped would keep you warm

imagination seems so outlandish
dotted lines and crooked t's autumn is as long as a passing train, you see it's wonderful colors and other's may try to get across sooner, you sit crossed legged thinking it won't end but knowing it's only a coping mechanism for change

because I thought of you;
today has turned into forever
by chance the brightest leaves happen to fall on my feet
the grass is fading and responsibilities begin to find their hiding place

you can take my kisses, we can get it on but you can never be as close as I. fighting to get to the heart, digging a pathway in the cold winter

You can never say I feel no remorse

It's evident in my poems

You sit on a chance until the non compostable breaks and sinks into the earth
the moon is closer than it appears and if dandelions don’t have a place than most people don’t





-kaitlynmariesdiary

Slow as molasses sliding through a riverbank
as fast as a tortoise gets to the other side of the moon
Ripples in your ocean
weak enough to be silent in the night
Strong enough you might float away














-kaitlynmariesdiary

the hardest truths are the simplest
but most difficult to understand

don't expect anything

but...
be pleasantly surprised




I knew something was wrong when I forgot to notice the sunrise
it did not make my heart chirp are my body tingle

it was another day
I am afraid

what is it in you,

that brings forth the belief
that the sunlight just isn't for you
it's a waste to send light through her veins
when it could be used for the glint in a lovers eye
the pathway to those who die, but then find their guide

not to somebody like me
I wouldn't want to use energy with no purpose

I see perfection covered in dust and as I wipe away yesterday I see you

You as in faded laughs and haunted doorways which remain locked till this day

You don't want me
Not even in the slightest

A fleeting moment
A nothing

Incapable of controlling my tongue
she escorts me like my brain to my feet
a headache of me, one massive ache
uprooting my feet and making me wonder
what have I done

what do these walls know,
what do I own but the brain that explodes at the slightest *****
I'm sensitive
my feelings write my story on my face
and no one stays at the sight

dandelions are beautiful
yet my dad is stuck on the premise of it being a ****

mow it down
rip it to shreds

a beautiful nuisance

when is it my moment
I won't be warned
I won't be dressed in my best
and that's what he'll like

As much as I can hope you will want me as much as I want you
I'm slowly learning to un-like you




unlike you...

I've met people I didn't think were human
and I've broken the human in me trying to figure them out

An absence of being; sights of you everywhere at once
and the night has me casted into the sky

I want to be anywhere but here

The lines on your face intrigued me
And the smile that barely made an appearance you dared me

The door was unlocked
Your hand made its way down my *****
And I wanted you closer

As the lights turned out…
It stopped

It was as if our love was nocturnal
Not love;
Our passion;
Not passion;
Our 15 seconds of fame

But whatever it was
It’s over now

And now my story is in the hands of whomever
I won't reach out anymore,
Because I pull too hard

It turns sadness into a flower growing in the shadows

Stopping at green lights
Burning through stars
As I was stargazing

I continuously feel guilty

because there's always someone to disappoint
always someone to look the other way

is this what it's like to be the bigger person?
is this what it means to agree to disagree?

these thoughts don't make sense

Pale faces and burned out mistakes. See, I can’t see your past on your face. But I can see what it has done to you

I can see the marks of joy and tears that have wrapped themselves around your eyes. Holding on a death grip

They will not fall

I see how social media has cropped out everyone you love
Blurred out what you wanted to say
I see how social media has made your reflection grainy
Make you confused on your true identity
See, you can’t pick your emotions like your photos
Can’t fake a real-life moment with a smile
Have others see the parts of you only those who have seen the worst should have the luxury of seeing

don't give them your good side

until they've seen you at the breaking point