My love for you is a cosmic silence
Like the space between stars
Calm
Infinite
It will never stop existing

And no matter how much time passes
It will never change
Because even when the world ends and all the stars go dark
Even when there is nothing left at all
Then, there is silence

I have been sitting here, counting the minutes
and staring at nothing
for an eternity.

I grasp at the sliver of the world
That I can see beyond the ***** window

There is a smudge of a tree,
Its colourful leaves contrast the grey classroom,
Its delicate branches beckon in the breeze

I pretend that it is trapped behind the
glass instead of me

A trickle of light finds it's way through the grime
My soul aches for the sunlight, that falls just short of my skin
It's then when I think

I have been here forever
I am going to be here forever

I am trapped in these four walls, and they are all I know
Everything else
is just a dream on the back of my eyelids

A dream as unattainable
as the world outside the window

The dark settles over my room
covering every surface
like a thick blanket

I watch the 3am shadows
they are familiar
like old friends

I listen to the wind outside
tearing past my window
and howling like a lonely beast

I find myself here many nights
unable to sleep
watching the shadows and listening to the wind

Sometimes I stare at my phone
until my eyes hurt
writing poems until the battery dies

Then I lie in silence
staring at the gray ceiling
as my words slowly disappear into the dark

I want to find a river,
so I can step my feet into the cold water,
and wash away all my memories.
So I can rinse my hands of everything I feel,
Until there is nothing left.

I need the water to soak my chest,
so every piece of me flows away to somewhere else.
I need to completely submerge my head,
until all my thoughts drown,
and dissipate into the depths.

I'm going to find a river,
so it can replace my skin and bones with black water.
So I can float in the dark abyss,
soundlessly
until every part of me is gone,
and I am just another ripple in the current.

I am never leaving.
I am going to sit here until I fade away,
and my bones turn to dust.
The snow and ice blowing
outside the window,
will never touch my skin.
Because the only place I know who I am is here.
And even though it's so cold the
ice is spreading within me,
I will not move,
I am not leaving.