Even when I was there in your arms I knew it wouldn't last long,
I tallied the days and although melancholy knowing that it wouldn't last, I basked in each moment wishing for time to not exist.
I kept each moment like people collect snow globes or baseball cards.
I collect those moments with you, and put them in a box labeled life.
I slipped the rejection paper between the folds of the cardboard.
I was the only one at the funeral.

Times fleeting again
my words
my intellect
Its hard to find peace
with where you are or what you're doing.

Life is made up of moments
and it is important to cherish whatever it is while you have it.
Those moments are your life


*Picking through the weekends half smoked cigarette butts
to find any remnants of worth.

I can't help but to catch myself evidently not taking my own advice
mostly because I retract myself from the thought
that these are my moments alone.

Where can I find solace and happiness if I cannot find it within myself?
I forgot what it feels like to be warm.
I forgot what a genuine smile feels like.

My eyes
My eyes have masked over
I'm lost
It's everyone else thinking I'm sane that keeps me sane.

sometimes its strange to watch people in motion, going here and there,
watching them in their moment,
their life.
thoughts do wonder if they struggle like me.
I'm sure tho, because we are all human, and humans **** up, a lot.
so I guess I reassure myself as I stand and watch others move about me. A deadly disease being human, but a blessing as well. To the ones we miss and the ones we push away from our deadly human being self.

Imagine your favorite thing, in front of you
You have had it before,  it's lovely still

Demise.


For the moment you reach for it
Take it in your hands

Whisper sweet love songs in its ear..
The taste is not the same.

It's burnt, black, crumbling In your hands
Mind and heart.

You try to pick it up piece by piece as gently as you can.
Build it back the way it was,
the way you remember.

But you can't.

You can't make what's dead love you,
or feel for you.  

Once it's been dead it remains in the pit of ash and dust.
But when your dead yourself,
you lay in the remains and try to find the comfort in lust

Even to this day.
i didn't know that drawing the blinds would blur the lines.
but increase the ones on my forehead.
stagnate and stained.
will they throw rotten tomatoes or flowers on my grave?
i had an affair with the producer,
everyone had lines accept for me,
i was listed in the brochure to be the fool.
i played it well.
you know i played it well.
and when they laugh i see horses teeth, another wave came crashing in pulling me to my knees.
I was never a star, but it doesn't mean I wasn't created to matter.

The time goes by, (bye)
But I am still here

Or maybe from another’s perspective, (yours)
I am still there. (ignorant,)

Whether I am just pondering (stuck)
lingering, or dreaming

The constant numbness (disassociation)
The intake and outtake on each breath

searches for you.

Most things will remain untouched
Un-awknologed

Let it remain captivating in its mystery
Perfect at its distance

What would you have to dream for if not?

let it stand like the ancient walls of Greece.
Let it remain history.

But at least douce it with flame
Because to you it will never look the same

I invested too much for the bet i never placed
I never asked for a placemat to be set
for the spills i didn't know i would make

I never asked for these wrinkles on my face for the time i spent not missing you
I never asked to feel so much in common with a speck of dust
I never asked why to me the moon shines brighter than the sun at its very best
I never asked why happiness to me was a shooting star
beautiful too look at
but hard to grasp
I never asked a lot of things
all because
not everything has an answer
not everything has to make sense
not everything is anything you want to hear
however all I do ask is that someday
when you people
decide to blossem babies into this perpetually doomed earth planet we call home
all I ask
is that you have the decency to tell your child with its eyes so wide
that its not going to be easy
cheers to the loners who wear masks too big or too small to fill the very shoes they never put on to go anywhere to do anything with anyone.

All the light turns to madness
patterns of matter
by passing around
Once upon the sun goes down.

The tricks of the trade
The plans that were made
The mask fitting before noon.
The clown, no the buffoon.

The whistles of the tune made break at dusk
we dust, we dust
we rise from our lust
prepare for yet another night .

It's someones job to give everybody fright.
The soft shallow terrors of the night.

Missing you feels like swallowing a bag of nails.
it ******* hurts.

I tip my hat to the rear view mirror walking in the dark with a face burnt by the sun I can no longer linger in a place that does not exist
that once was your heart of my imagination
I was never there
And I never will be

A heavy sigh departs me from the unattainable you in this tender night ill remember the rest of my life. A pitiful undeserving tear shed like snake skin from my face. As all these memories haunt me a demon in white lace. Chipped my tooth on fools gold I traded my cow. No magic here gravity made me bow. This thing still beats I don't know why tattered and torn flag in the sky declared my love for you so long, but what's it worth to not fall upon the eye it was drawn but spat and burned perhaps you'll never know. So here is where I suggest I stop talking to your shadow candle light flickered on my mast, for we were just two ships that past in the night at sea and as the flame I so tenderly lit smothered by my own humble love as did our chance that it could ever be. I'm not really sure you were ever here in company, but disillusioned words spoken came real but only to my eyes I saw what in the end I could not feel. I guess that someday you always said would happen never came around.

I would rather drowned in uncharted waters than tread in the ocean of your cold arms

my love of yesteryears where thoughts halo around my head like the golden sunset on deaths door I yearn for what couldn't be