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Julie Butler Aug 2014
I want the silence
I want to tell it yes
and to keep it
am I so evil?
I don't deserve to
claim my own time
I've been around clocks without you
I've fallen without you
I've done it all
and I am still here
and you are still here
but neither of us know where that is
anymore
and we played a silly game
for far too long now
and no one won anything anyway
Julie Butler Aug 2014
Until the front porch swing loses all it's comforts
and all the words become blocks of ice
between rocks
or an overly sized brushstroke of black
against all this green surrounding
and all I am is cold this summer
when all I ever wanted to do was hold you
I watched beauty morph into
untouchable, I watched it turn it's back on me
I feel like I can see my skin aging in your eyes
I feel ugly, withering, dry
desperate for my eyes to weigh less
I close them and stand up
drinking the last drop of my coffee
to block the swell rising too quickly in my throat
I know that i'm using these minutes incredibly untrue
I rise quickly to let you
think more about your cons on this list we've been writing
and I go
mad
I go crazy
I go without
I draw out the blow
that inevitably split us in half
and no sunset could ever fix that
Julie Butler Aug 2014
Maybe it's the
champagne or
maybe it's faith
But it's strange
anyway
That we've never
shared space
kind of
deranged
in a way
that I can't
kiss
your
face
I hope it's okay
that I say it
It's on my mind
everyday
I've had so much champagne
I can't deny what I'm saying
it's insane that your face
blinds my right of purveying
or in saying
sometimes saying
it's a game that we're playing
i'm not playing babygirl
it's [your name] i've been saying
it's your face i've been blaming
on every single curve
catch me cursing the verse
your name leaves on my shirt
i disperse it
well of course it's a curse
a voice
I haven't heard yet
so of course i'm submersed
& of course it is yours
& you
the most gorgeous of all
and me a thrown ball in Autumn
watch me fall
watch me fall
watch me fall
watch me fall
ready for fall
Julie Butler Aug 2014
You see;
Keeping a dog on the leash
is not easy
Cause chasing tail is so
incredibly appeasing
The pull teases until you release my leash
My teeth breaking through petals of meat
I'm chewing through
your shoes and excuses
I'm a nuisance when i'm loose
But you already knew this
Throw me a bone here
I'm starved for your scraps
I'd sit in your lap
but you're afraid that i'll attack
you're afraid that if this strap snaps
I'll run fast and never come back
bribe me with snacks
& take naps with me
lets be happy
I'll show you how good I can be
without my leash
One day, you'll see it
but by then i'll be gone
someone else's dog
someone else's add on
Julie Butler Aug 2014
You want me to believe
I'm the only one you see
But I am not naive
You see things I cannot think of
I bet she sees all the things
You rep everything but me, love
Give them to me.
All the pieces of your broken heart.
Give them to me.

I'll take them.

All the rough-hewn misshapen bits of your shattered dreams.


Give them to me.
I will take them.

Give them to me.


They are wanted here.


All the parts of your misspent childhood. All the regrets of ticking seconds behind you.

Give them to me.

And we will build a cathedral. A stained glass window of who we are as tall and as beautiful as it should be.

Let me have them.

And we will make a mosaic that stretches as wide as the sky. Showing every color your heart gained from the bits and pieces left on the ground.

I will take them.

And forge a sculpture of how beautiful the ideas are that we cast out in our failings and we will cast it in our failings.

Let me have them.

And we will ***** a monument of all the small things in the shape that you remember them.
Towering. Looming. Striking. Beautiful.

Let me have them so we might bind the words said and regretted, (or worse) left unsaid in leather and call it scripture.

Our Psalms. Our Proverbs:

“The tip of my finger dangles like my tongue. Wanting to touch something beautiful.”

“If it were not for him, it would have been us.”

“You were all my brightest colors.”

“I wish I were more like you.”

“I wish I were less like me.”

“I am sped.”


And we will read them at dawn like litany.

Stretching our voices to the corners of the universe. Asking for the wishes you make when you are scared. Or alone. Or both.

That we may take them.

And make a blanket.

A blanket to cover our childhood and let it rest at last.

I will take them.

All the parts you no longer want.

Give them to me.

Because they are what make us beautiful.

Give them to me.

That I may forge them into pitch and feathers and craft mighty wings.

That I may take flight from your worry. And soar on the updraft of your misconception.

Give them to me.
I will take them.

Because I would rather burn like Icarus than to have never dared to fly.
This was a birthday gift to myself. I am giving it to you.
Julie Butler Aug 2014
My pride is compiled into miles of sighing
I've tried to unwind
but it has tightened it's binding
I'll stop crying;
& try finding
Where my mind might be hiding
Behind the despise
or beside my  u n w i s e  compromising
I'm not blind but sometimes
I'd like to be
I use to enliven the linings
now i'm ripping up seams
The feel of uneasy
even greets me in my sleep
cause i'm the one I have to sleep with
& I don't sleep with obsoletes
"Everyone makes mistakes" they say
but that doesn't change a thing
cause when I look into the mirror
I hate the girl I see
Pride is surprising, only the good deserve to have it
the evil can't have pride
cause we confuse it with bad habits
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