Like fire
Lit beneath my feet
My eyes open wide
My speech
bent to scream
My knees holding all of me
Up & to the side
I wait for you
Till it's too late
I return to the same place
Where I made my mistakes
Mine
My mind
& now I'm not ashamed of them
But I'm still being shamed for them
& I'm pushing through
Pressed against it
My lips turning blue
and I can't help but be
annoyed
Exploited
It's not who I am
& I'm proving to be
Just what you want anyway
Which isn't at all
What I need

I'm tossed up between
Belief & leaving
Cause nothing's the same
& I don't feel shame when
I'm daydreaming
& you believe
In something else
In something I don't need to
deal with
I believe in what's best for myself
No longer arresting my feelings
So it's time that I reel in
My slack
& go back
To a time when I was confident
Cause this time's got me
Trapped
Locked inside a sarcophagus
I won't waste anymore words
I'll just climb to the top again
While you play swords
With this girl
Who adores
like a whirlwind

Me a fish
& you my sea
Your waves washed me
Onto the beach
The birds they came
& pecked my chest
My gills got filled
With earthly breath
I gasped and flipped
I flopped & squirmed
My fins went limp
My scales, all torn
(We go as fast as we are born)

I looked up high
Beyond the wind
& prayed to have  
Just one last swim
The sun went dim
The wind did blunder
Your waves create
and swept me under
I gasped again
But in reverse
Submersed and cursing every bird
My fins are ripped
I cannot swim
I float along your currents whims
I asked you why
You pushed me out
To watch me bleed
struck with a knout
You calmed and said
Simply to me
You are my fish
And me, your sea

I am not allowed
I sleep here
I walk into these walls
I lean
I lean
A rectangle
No longer affording rest
I change my sheets
It doesn't change a thing
A sea, full
Like my mothers house
A row of coral
Beautiful and rough
& I wonder where my home is
I wonder where her home is
In doing this
Tiny bits of purple
flowers crumbled
I try to calm your
Exhausted heart
Your feet up
Your head down
Who am I to know
When nothing stays
And nothing is saved
Or amazing
who are we to grow
At this age
And I thought I knew
(something)
About you
Daring
Dared
I dare you to tell me what you're thinking
You never really do
I can't dissect
Or just won't
And reaching out
I feel pulled
Pulling like
Judgement
Nasty, jealous
Waiting
For me to
Tear it all up again
But you
You, like a quiet dog
Heavy sigh
heavy sides
As you lay down
Next to me
And me
Like a mouse
Never calm
Until I'm dying

uprooted and tripped
I grip sticks
& lift myself
Up through the earth
I surf dirt
Tiny seconds of this
Tiny seconds of bliss
& rocks like
Steps
Steps
Steps
Built just for me
In this
Extravagant garden
This overlooked rock
A spot
I always long for

I see your face
& all the mistakes I made
While we dated
& I hate that ****
I'd like to replace it
With a milkshake & some cake
And say
"Hey. We're okay - that ****'s lame, the cakes great, let me help take the pain away."
& you'd say "okay"
I want to do it right this time
I know criminals tend to commit the same crimes
But you aren't blind
& neither am I
I'm not even here to win this time
And in time
I really hope you feel that