Did you miss it?

The moment you realize your life passes by, did you ever sit back at on a Sunday morning, breathing in the cool air from the rain and the birds are chirping and for a split moment, did you ever think about all the choices you made that lead you to this day.

Where would you have been if you taken that chance to move to a far away city?

What people have left your life and you’d thought you’d have them until you’re sitting in your rocking chair, grey hair and all. Do you miss them?

What about that trip you planned but never got to take, do you wonder about all the sights and different food you could have seen and ate?

What about that last fight with your first love, the one that ended you two, do you wish you could have stayed and worked things out?

What about the moment you met your forever person, are you glad that you’ve met them and want to be with them until you draw your last breath?

We’re always so worried about the present and future. Did you ever take a seat and wonder about your life before you became that writer, before you became someone’s parent.

Did you miss it?

****, looks like I got too happy again.

I got too excited, I got my hopes up too fast again.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I think I can be happy. Why does there always have to be a ‘catch’ of ‘but’

like why can’t I look into someone’s eyes and know that I’m finally in a happy place.

Why is that too much to ask for a girl like me?

I took all of the hurt you gave me, and turned it into beautiful words.

I took all of the pain you gave me and turned it into something people will relate to.

This is the first night I’m here with you, in the same home, under the same roof, within a close proximity where I don’t feel the need to curl up in your arms while we laugh the night away.
I can feel how much I want to but I also know that I shouldn’t.
We’re two old flames where the light will never go out.

That first loss you feel weigh down on your chest is uncomfortable and personal.
You didn’t think it would hurt this much, you didn’t think that you’d care this much.
He was a sweet man, who just didn’t have the will to fight anymore.
You knew he was going to go to the light soon but you still got to know him, got to know what his likes and dislikes are, you got to hear how he loved to golf and how his daughter fusses over every little thing.
You laid awake the first night after his passing thinking about her, how she’s feeling, what she’s doing, wishing you could offer her some kind memories of her fathers last days.
You feel the string of loss inside you, making your heart heavy and your eyes watery as you pass by his door, his name plate still reflecting off the light.

They tell you long before your career starts, to never get so close to your clients, but how do you not manage to do that when you see them every single day, multiple times a day?

I will go on, knowing he’s not in pain anymore but forever missing his quirks and little smile.

I let myself fall into the comfort of your arms again, I let myself end back at square one again, I let myself stare into your eyes while I whisper how much I loved you again, I let myself be completely yours again, I let myself believe that we will make it this time.
I pull you from the darkness, guide you to the light and you show me the love I have craved since you.
I will never be able to love another like I love you and that’s okay with me.

Strange how much you miss the nicknames someone gave you when they’re not an active person in your life anymore
Oh, how I’d love to hear the nickname he gave me just one more time.
And then I’d be able to sleep peacefully again,