It was my dream where I almost felt your finger tips run along my face, where I almost felt your hand rest on my neck as you stared at me.
My heart clenched with happiness until I realized that this was only a dream. I'd wake up cold and alone soon but I drank every second I had with you.
As you twirled me around the living room floor. Your laugh echoing in my ears and travelling down to the deepest parts of my soul that only you can reach without knowledge.
'Do you think I can do anything?' I murmured when you sat next to me on the stairs.
I closed my eyes wishing just once, I could feel your body pressed against mine. Feel your breath on my ear as you whispered.
'You can do anything you want to'
I rested my head onto your arm.
'I love you' as you faded and then I opened my eyes to darkness, loneliness and the quiet of my room.
You faded but all of the emotions stayed.

During the silent cool nights, the messages being passed back and forth almost daily now,
I still feel as if I'm going to continuously vie for your attention.
'Pick me, pick me' my heart calls out to you but you don't hear.
You say all you can give me is comforting words but all I want is you near.
A tear drop slides down my cheek and I feel the knife digging deeper into my chest, breaking the barriers that I built solely off fear and pride.
I laid it all out on the table for you, piece by piece and now I read words that are in the silence.
Should I have not said that?

This is a declaration of what you mean to me, how you make me feel, and how I hope I make you feel.
This is it; I love you.
I'm so in love with you that it horrifies me sometimes. I'm filled with angst at how badly I want to grab your face and make you listen to the words tumbling out of my mouth; like word *****.
How the deepest and sacred parts of my being is deprived of you, how I deprived myself of everything you give me. What you gave me without having to ask.
This is me, giving you everything I can offer without you knowing and figuring out one day that all along it was you.
In the warm summer nights to the blistering winter blizzards.
You're nestled deeply into my veins and swimming through my blood stream. And it's intense.
What I have is intense feelings.
This is my declaration that I will love you; the person who could make me laugh without even being in the same city as me, who could make the blush appear on my face at the mere thought of your eyes skimming the depths of mine.
That I will love you till the end.

I feel like you're finally done with me, like you're just done with my indecisive mind. My chaotic thoughts and I don't want you to be.
How do I change your mind? Can I change your mind?
Would you even want to change your mind?
Do you even want me anymore?

You make me feel alive, in every single way.
To your continuous jokes to your gentle kisses.
I love having your arms wrapped around me at night and though I never liked cuddling, I love when you cuddle me.
I love how you love my son. I love how you love every single flaw of mine because I love yours too.
And I feel so stupid for ever second-thinking everything.
I want to wake up to you in the early mornings, our bodies next to each other, our messy hair and your grin as you stare at me.
I want your eyes only on me, like I'm this beautiful piece of art. Like I'm the Mona Lisa Smile.
Like the way I look at you, I regret not letting my true feelings out.
Not letting you feel all of the love I harbour for you, not letting you feel every single word that will be tainted in the back of your mind.
I have so much to say, so much I want to tell you.
I just hope you let me say these words and that you let me put my arms around your neck as you push me against the wall to get that first kiss that is long overdue.
I hope you let me love you the way I wanted to.
I love you, so **** much.
All I can really say is;
You had my heart, you have my heart.
We fell apart, let's make a new start.
With just you and I.

You want to know how you make me feel?
Safe, comfortable, and in love. But the most important factor here is that I find a home in you.
Within your arms and within the tiny spaces between your heartbeat.
I live there, that's where I've lived for a long time.
Do you know that? Do you know but just don't went to acknowledge it? Or do you know and you're fine with it because you exist within me too.
I don't know if I'm holding you capture but the selfish part of me doesn't want to let you go. Not for anyone.
Now how does that make you feel?
You're this person who feels so deeply and you know what you want, but is that still me? After everything?
Because it's still you after everything and will always be you.

I lay here, tears streaming down my face.
Choking back the cries of pain that want to escape, I'm so **** tired of putting on a brave face for everyone.
I can feel myself getting chipped away; lost in the wind and my mind almost gone.
Memories eat at me, every time I close my eyes. They're there, reminding me that they'll always be there.
I can sit there silent with a smile on my face while on the inside I'm screaming in agony, begging for the continuous endurance of shear pain to stop. Breaking apart, falling to pieces but you'd never notice right?
I wrap my arms around myself and cry when I'm alone.
No one has to know, I'm fine.
I'm not, staring into the mirror is so troubling.
I'm falling apart and this is my final scream before the light goes out.
I'm already gone, too far gone.
I stare into the mirror and don't recognize the girl staring back at me.
I'm sorry..