One thing I have noticed about myself
Is that the person I am at the given moment
Is a true and honest reflection of what I feel like inside
I act differently
I think differently
I feel differently
I dress differently
I react differently
All depending on who I am and
What I am experiencing internally
At that point in my life

I think this is one reason I struggle with joy
When I think about it
Small and fleeting moments of joy
Are full of such immaculate beauty and tugging nostalgia
They're enticing
(Especially when you spend most of your time feeling sad and lost )
But that tends to change when you have a lot of those moments
And then when those moments happen more and more frequently
They start to become a normal part of your every day life
Until joy is something you are used to
And you struggle to find something to make you feel so intimately
Something that pierces the deepest part of your soul
Something that is unbearably painful but so magnificently beautiful
Just like all of those days you were so sad
But your joy is your sorrow unmasked
One cannot survive without the other
They coexist

So when the jar labeled, "Joy & Sorrow" is full
Filled all the way up to the brim with this Joy
There is no room for any Sorrow to join in
And with too much Joy and not enough Sorrow
Things are surely going to start feeling a little bit suspicious
And maybe even bland
So what do you do?
Do you just go on struggling with joy?
I wish I knew
I wish I knew