There's something inside
its clawing at me
its eating me inside out
its suffocating and killing me
don't know how to stop it
don't know how to release it
and if i could
don't think i would

Is it sadness
depression
madness
or am I self destructing
about to explode
implode
and spit my guts out

what is this
this sickness
why is it taking control
its consuming my mind
consuming my being
what do i do
how do i act

why
why do i have this
what is it in the first place
this pit
this darkness
this endless void of nothingness
this emptiness and death

THIS is consuming me...
a plague and growing disaster

The Garden gives & takes, & I give to & take from the Garden. I was hungry, it gave me fruit. I would only eat it if I agreed to share it. I was thirsty so I drank the water. In return, I gave my life and now I thirst no more. A boy was in the Garden. He believed I was made from his rib, but he was not Adam & I am not Eve. He was inflicted by poison, & I gave everything I could to help him, but I wasn't a cure. I tried to share the fruit, but he refused to take it. One day, something in me had changed. I realized I had lost something important. What was once essential & something that I could do, I could no longer do. I left the Garden for a while, thinking the boy would stay there. I had hoped to never return unless the boy was gone. In my absence, the Garden still gave. I packed some fruit in a sack, & poured water in a bottle, thinking I would get by. Eventually, I knew I would have to go back. I knew I was meant to be there. I had been gone for so long. I've become numb. I came back hoping to see blossomed flowers , to feel the wind blowing, to feel any sort of sensation or awe. The Garden was just as beautiful upon my return as it was before. The boy was finally gone. I knew he wouldn't wait there forever, but now I feel nothing. The tools used to decipher emotions had become corrupt as a result of my heart's malfunction. I either can't feel anything, or I refuse to. I feel as though I have become a machine with no feeling. I sometimes doubt I ever will feel again. In times like these, I go to the Garden. The Garden's fruit gives me energy. The water heals my wounds. I still feel numb, but my life is still indebted to the Garden, & I will continue to press on.

The Boy called Tony by his grandpa and others, lights up his corner of the world. Be it kids or very old Big Kids,(adults who are kids at heart) wherever he goes, “Hi. My name is Tony. What is your name?” Usually following this introduction, if the response is received warmly is, “How old are you?”  Than after that is decided, “My grandpa is really old.”

Kindergarten year saw the two of them at the Arctic Circle most days after school. The older “Big Kids”would see him come into Arctic Circle and wait for their turn to talk to the Boy called Tony.

Many times they stopped at Tony’s and Gpa’s table and talked before leaving. New people who had not talked to him before but “listened in” on Tony and Friends conversation, they would then stop at the table to say what a “delightful little boy he is”.

At the time of this writing, sitting in Arctic Circle, he is regaling a mother about the fine points of Pac Man and Frogger on Gpa’s phone. Let’s see, Gpa had that phone for years and did not know Pac Man and Frogger were on it. And so it goes…

And so it went… everywhere he went Tony learned People’s names and remembered them. Later, where ever he happened to see them, “I know you! You work at… or I saw you at…” and the conversation would go off in a multitude of directions… eventually.

One Saturday morning in January after the “BIG GAME!” (see note) Tony, his Aunt Kristen and Gpa were entering IHOP for breakfast. He bounced through the door still wearing his basket ball uniform as an older couple was exiting. Gpa was holding the door for the older “big kids” when the woman got all excited and said to Gpa, “Isn’t that the Arctic Circle Boy?” At which Gpa replied with certainty, “Yes it is.”

Graduating from kindergarten, if such a thing is possible,the class sang a song “Don’t Talk to Strangers”. Gpa thought at the time it was a scary little piece. But what does he know. Later in the afternoon a couple came walking toward Tony. Tony observed them approaching, he studied them intently, and then just as they were going by him, he called out, “HELLO STRANGERS!” Gpa thinks they are the only strangers he really knows.

——————(c)09-12-2011————————-