Dear Lord,

As I kneel down next to my bed tonight.
Protect me from the monsters, who stay out of
sight. Bless my mommy and daddy, in all that
they do. Forgive my older brother, for what
he said about you.

Take care of me, as I dream away. Help
me to make it to, the very next day. Please
let my enemies have peace and happiness. I know
you will love them, as well as bless.

Please let all my dreams, and wishes
come true. The love in my heart, is only
for you. I guess I should go, for now,
good night. Please let your love shine,
so I will have a night light.

Amen

Have you ever seen an angel,
on this planet we call Earth?
They say that there was a lot,
during the time of Jesus' birth.

But are angels hard to find,
if you look and can't find one?
Or are they playing hide and seek,
in the warmth of the summer sun?

I have seen an angel play,
as ridiculous as it may be.
Her smile was bright and beautiful,
and she was a good friend to me.

Then the Lord had called her home,
on a snowy winters day.
Now she is in Heaven,
with lots of room to play.

We have missed her so much,
throughout all of the years.
And every time December comes,
we always shed some tears.

Can't put my mind to rest, it's another sleepless night.
My eye's are wide open, and it seems a constant fight.
I lay here in thought, about my long boring day.
Daydreaming of tomorrow, and the bills I must pay.

I toss and I turn, trying to find comfort in this bed.
Punching my pillows, so I can have a place for my head.
After a few minutes, the cycle must again repeat.
Then there is an itching sensation, that begins in my feet.

After laying here for an hour, and going through this charade.
I get up and go to the refrigerator, for a midnight raid.
Now that I have a full stomach, maybe I'll have better luck.
But another hour passes, and this is really beginning to ****.

It's running close to two o'clock, and my eye's have yet to close.
Then there is another itch, except this time it's my nose.
My eyes begin to get heavy, and I'm hoping I will sleep.
And then I hear my alarm clock, beep, beep, beep.

By now it's four o'clock, and I still haven't slept a wink.
My eyes hurt so much now, they hurt to even blink.
I drag myself out of bed, so I can move forward with my day.
And hope that I will sleep tonight, or there will be hell to pay.

Close your eyes, and look inside.
Find that child, who's trying to hide.
He's the one who's lost and sad.
He feels very lonely, and often times bad.

Find that person, deep within you.
Let him know, that your love is true.
He is very ashamed, and full of fear.
Tell him the good things, that he needs to hear.

It's a time to learn, and a time to grow.
Make peace with yourself, so you will know.
That it's okay to hurt, but not to dwell.
Because then you create, your very own hell.

Build up his confidence, and embrace him tight.
Tell him that you love him, every day and night.
Build up his pride, and also his self-esteem.
Tell him it's okay, to always have a dream.

It's a time to learn, about the person in you.
Let go of the past, and the hurt you went through.
Forgive and forget, because it's  a new day.
And keep talking to him, in your special way.

Straight from my heart, these words I share.
To let you know, just how much I care.
A touch of love, I hope you feel.
To help you out, when your ready to heal.

I offer a gift, a gift that is true.
To give it away, in all that you do.
A gift of happiness, peace, and yes even love.
This gift is given, straight from our father above.

Some call me a friend, but Jesus is my name.
I share all your feelings, I take away the blame.
Happy or sad, I know your feelings well.
The hearts that are lonely, it is there I will dwell.

Open your hearts, and let us come in.
Our father and I, we can forgive your sin.
Ask me of truth, let your heart lead the way.
Repent and follow me, for soon will be the day.

The battle that was fought in heaven,
is being fought on Earth today.
The good against the evil,
it seems the only way.

Every one of us is immortal,
but we were placed on this world to fight.
We strike in the brightness of day,
and we conquer in the darkness of night.

No matter what the faith you live,
good and evil exists in all.
Whatever time of day it is,
evil must always fall.

When our retirement comes to us,
heaven is where we'll stand.
But the battle will continue on,
in the palm of God's right hand.

It's against the law to **** someone,
who hurts you in some way.
But ****** is always justified,
by mothers everyday.

When you think about abortion,
do you see the child inside?
The babies life you want to stop,
has no where else to hide.

You tell yourself many things,
like it doesn't have a soul.
Think of the future your about to destroy,
by using birth control.

There are many ways to save it's life,
for the mothers who do not care.
And adoption is the answer,
for a couple in despair.

There is no God, it's all a joke.
Just the thought of it, makes me choke.
They believe there God, will save them now.
From the evil, in this world some how.

I **** the Christians, one by one.
When they hear my name, they turn and run.
I fly by night, from town to town.
Setting the flame, to burn it down.

But one afternoon, in the sky I see.
A very bright light, that is blinding me.
Saul, I know who you are, and what you have done.
I am your Lord Jesus, it is to me you must run.

Forgive me O' Lord, for now I believe.
Your love and your grace, I am ready to receive.
I've committed many sins, I know it is true.
But believe me O' Lord, when I say I am through.

eleven friends and family
gone so early in my life
death has taken it toll
on me I'm afraid
the one's who haven't died
said they would always be there
those were promises lost
I was stabbed in the back
sold out for something less
And now I have no one
nothing
but a bottle of pills
I still think about death
about starting over
in the afterlife
away from the pain
away from them
I'm so tired of this life
tired of the hurt
tired of being betrayed
tired of being alone
why should I care about others?
when nobody cares about me?
It is a constant thought
I will admit that
but am I desperate enough?
to end this life
I think perhaps I may enjoy it
the pain that is
the sadness
the torture
yes, I think I enjoy being miserable
I am a scorpio after all
scorpio's can blend in
disappear in a crowded room
their quiet and laid back
and yet they can take only so much
before they attack in self defense
when will I attack?
who will I hurt?
how badly will I hurt them?
perhaps I should end it now
before I do something I regret
perhaps I will enjoy regret
add it to the torture I already feel
continue being miserable

Have you ever noticed that when you type

you often loose a letter here and there?

We blame it on ourselves

and we say it was and error.

But I am starting to think

that there is a computer troll lurking about

And if it don't get caught soon

I will give Eliot a shout

I would imagine this troll is like Bigfoot

always there but never seen

I think he likes our letters

And I think he's rather mean

He doesn't just take one or two

But he'll leave the words a mess

This is really ******* me off

I guess I must confess

So if you see him running by

tell him I'm on to him

Because if I ever catch up to him

his future will look grim

Nightmares steal the sleep from me.
My mind is my, worst enemy.
The monsters are inside my head.
Where torture comes, in sheets of red.

I toss and turn and cry all night.
But no one hears, my mental fight.
Is this what's left, of reality?
When I run to find, my sanity.

I bang my head against the wall.
When the monsters, in my mind do call.
There high pitch screech is what I hear.
But the crimson, left behind I fear.

There's a battle going on, inside my head,
If I don't run, I will be dead.
Walls are tumbling, all around.
And bodies cover, the ****** ground.

I wake up all drenched in sweat.
A cup of coffee, I go and get.
No more sleep for me that night.
Sleep will come with strength to fight.

A persons troubles, can cause a lot of hurt.
Beating you down, until you feel like dirt.
The pain can be hidden, it may never show.
It lives inside you, and it will never go.

You don't have to ask, it will not stop.
It will continuously push you, until it's on top.
Manipulation and guilt trips, are what it does best.
Your being controlled, just like all the rest.

A cage is what your life becomes, you need to break free.
You only wanted happiness, but there is no way to flee.
Escaping to a better world, a better life you know.
Is something you just cannot do, it will never let you go.

You try to tell, you try to hide, but there's nothing you can do.
Live with what is deep inside, live with what is true.
There is no answer I can give, to help you find your way.
Except find peace within your heart, to get you through the day.

Every spring I clean my house, always hoping for a certain guest to arrive. I throw away all the junk I can find, then I think about all the good and bad times. I scrub the floors, shampoo the carpets, then give lots of good stuff to a charity. I wash the windows, mow the lawn, then pull the weeds around the apple trees. When I finish my cleaning, I sit in a chair. Then I open the good book, and meditate on the words that are there. I do this every year hoping he will come, of course he is welcome through out the year. But no matter how hard I look, he never comes. As the years went by, I became old. Time had taken it's toll on my body. I've started getting sick more and the weather worn my skin. As I'm laying in a hospital bed, waiting to die, a Chaplin walks into my room and I begin to cry. I tell him all about my life, and ask what I did wrong? He didn't say a word, but instead sat quietly next to my bed.

Before my death had finally come, I opened up my eyes. And the man I thought was a Chaplin, was Jesus in disguise. He thanked me for giving him such a good home. But as he said this, I began to get mad. "How can you say I gave you such a good home, when you never bothered to come over and say hi? I cleaned my house every spring and praised your holy name. Now you show up in my life, right before I die". "You will never know the joy I felt, watching your entire life, weather you know it or not, I've always been there. I've seen you clean your house and mow your lawn, and I've seen you read your Bible, always with such care". "Why didn't you show yourself, so I knew that you were there? I always waited patiently, for the love you like to share". "My brother, if I showed myself to you, then you would stop, you would stop cleaning and your house would be a mess. You would stop mowing your lawn, and your weeds would take control, my brother, this is the truth, and the truth you must confess". "What did I do wrong my Lord, so I couldn't see your truth?" "O' yee of little faith, no human is perfect, you were just so wrapped up with the material world, that you couldn't see the spiritual one. You wanted a man to live with you, your entire life. You waited and waited for him to show up, and he never did. Early in your life the holy spirit found a home inside your house. My brother, you did nothing wrong, you loved me and looked for me just like the father looked for his prodigal son or how the Shepard looked for his lost sheep. But my brother, It's not your responsibility to be the father or the Shepard, it is mine. You did nothing wrong my brother, you lived a good life and now it's time my brother goes home and my lost sheep returns to the herd". As Jesus spoke those words my old age had settled in. After I told him I loved him dearly, I closed my eyes and died.

The beepers and buzzers had began to off and the nurses and doctors had all come running in. They covered the old mans face with a sheet and a nurse asked the Chaplin if he died peacefully? The Chaplin looked at the nurse and thought for a minute before he said... "I don't know..." The nurse was shocked and said to the Chaplin. "What do you mean you don't know?" The Chaplin who was still quite puzzled commented. "He died without pain, but I believe he was also quite delusional. He was caring on a conversation with me but it wasn't me he was talking too. I sat here and held his hand so he knew I was here but something odd happened and I could not control my body. I was sitting here watching the old man die and the conversation he was having, was with someone else. Someone or something took control of my body and returned his conversation. I could not hear the conversation I only watched it happen. So either the old man was delusional or something spiritual just happened here." The nurse thought for a moment and said very bluntly. "Chaplin I know your a man of God, but I really think you should see a shrink!" Then the nurse turned and left the room leaving the Chaplin to stare at the old mans corpse. The Chaplin did go and see a religious counselor. A year later he believed he was the one having delusions, probably from working so hard.

Do you believe in God?
Do you believe in the Almighty Lord?
Do you believe with all of your heart,
that he is coming, to take us away?

A child was born, one winters night.
Under a star, that was very bright.
As he grew up, he was never alone.
He taught all his friends, with all he had known.

I was once blind, and I couldn't see.
But Jesus came along, and set me free.
I got up to my feet, and followed his way.
His word is being spread, still everyday.

There was a little boy, who couldn't hear.
Jesus put a hand, right next to his ear.
Now the little boy can hear everything.
He thanks the good Lord, with the songs that he sings.

Jesus loved all, and would never hate.
Even the men, who promised his fate.
Jesus is Lord, to you and I.
Forgive them Father, he would cry.

The Lord was killed, on top of a cross.
With nails in his hands, O' what a loss.
He rose up three days, right after he died.
As the prophets did tell, he was...  crucified

Here we are, in the land of the free.
But think about your life, and what do you see?
I see many things, that imprison us all.
Our future is grim, in this country that will fall.

We have grown so much, that people live in the street.
Our children are precious, and often times beat.
The prisons are overflowing, but they make more laws.
And yet you believe, that it's for a good cause.

There's no work in sight, for the ones who are poor.
The rich are strong, but still they want more.
Our government is powerful, and has many flaws.
And yet you believe, that it's for a good cause.

Our people are starving, because nobody will give.
It's becoming a struggle, for our families to live.
We are all in debt, because the bank gives us draws.
And yet you believe, that it's for a good cause.

The taxes get higher, and the laws get worse.
Being born in this country, has become a curse.
This is what I see, in this land we call free.
Your cause might be good, but it's affecting you and me.

They were the first, in the land of the free.
They were the ones, who have taught me to see.
It is there love, for Mother Earth and Father Sky.
I will always hear the chant's, that the Natives cry.

The Buffalo runs on land, and the Eagle soars above.
Our Mother gives us food, and our Father gives us love.
I see them dance for victory, I see them dance for rain.
I see them dye with honor, I see them die in pain.

I walk through the woods, and the animals don't run.
It's been a long journey, and now my journey is done.
I enter the spirit world, and I see the young and old.
It's everything I believed in, it's everything I've been told.

A native is a friend, even though we've never met.
I look them in the eyes, as I begin to sweat.
We have so much in common, as strangers often do.
Mother Earth has taught us both, that all her ways are true.

But will they allow me brotherhood, in there native ways?
Letting me dance the circle, of the forgotten days?
Knowing I am half and half, I'd rather be the red.
But I am only proud... of the natives who are dead.

The foundation of a house,
is only the start.
You build the house up,
with love from the heart.
The walls add support,
the rooms are filled with care.
For the family that built it,
and the love they share.
The ceiling and carpet,
are built to last.
A roof is put on,
to withstand any blast.
Storms will come,
and the wind will blow.
But when it comes to my love,
my heart you will know.

We say we want some peace,
but yet we don't even try.
Our children are raised to hate,
and never to ask why.
People are suffering everywhere,
because hate's so widely spread.
And when I look in the paper,
someone new is dead.
People have there problems,
and they don't need anymore.
But hate can come in any form,
when you walk out your front door.
What is hate really like?
To those who do not know.
Color, Age, or Sexuality,
hate is what will flow.
We might not like each other,
but hate is not the way.
It's hard enough to live,
In this modern day.
We need to act our age,
and raise our children well.
Hatred is a crime,
to everyone I'll tell.

If you close your eyes and remember,
to that time so long ago.
I will hold you closely, to me girl,
and I will never let you go.

We can stay forever in this time,
just you and I alone.
While our hearts are beating slowly,
this will always feel like home.

If you hold on to me tightly,
then our hearts become as one.
We'll always be best friends here,
in this place below the sun.

When I touch your body gently,
then the time has come I know.
You accept my kiss, so freely girl,
that our love will always show.

Now you open your eyes so bright,
and you see our child there.
But when you look, into those eyes,
you see the love we share.

I have seen the sorrow, I have seen the pain.
I have seen the homeless, standing in the rain.
The shelters are filled, there are people in the street.
They have holes in their clothes, and no shoes on their feet.

I have seen garbage cans filled, with uneaten food.
I have seen children so *****, some think it is crude.
Some people will help, though not enough care.
With the winter approaching, it just isn't fair.

I have seen the hungry, I have seen them cry.
I have seen the elderly, right before they die.
Is life really this cruel? Not to help those in need.
To turn your backs on everyone, even when they bleed.

I have seen a solution, to this problem don't you see.
It will take a lot of people, the help I hope is free.
If a church could provide a shelter, could you be a friend.
Will you volunteer your time, and give a hand to lend?

Imagine thinking that you are worthless,
then imagine the emptiness you would feel.
Depression would come and sadness too,
and everything you did, would never seem real.

You criticize everyone and even yourself,
because a perfect world it should be.
Your outlook on life is negative,
and the pain is to deep to see.

The pity you feel, is only for you,
and your always wondering why.
Suicide is one way to go,
if you really do want to die.

Imagining this is hard I know,
but people really live this way.
It's a lonely existence and all to real,
but it's how they get through the day.

Ippidy zappidy tiddily do.
I think I am crazy... how about you?
My head is in the clouds
I see rainbows all around
My mind has been lost
and still hasn't been found
I am surrounded by giants
that are all tall and green
The sky is ******* on me
and it seems rather obscene
My voice has no meaning
and my tongue is always tied
They give me more drugs
I'm just along for the ride
So here I am in a daze
or in lolla land so to speak
When everyone looks at me
they think I'm a freak
But I love this world
as well as these drugs
it would be a perfect place
if not for the bugs
And so I leave you
in the worlds that you be
I wish you were here
so the insanity you could see.

A gentle old man had asked me once,
do you want to see the past?
I looked at him with long disbelief,
and asked how long it would last.

He gave me a laugh, and lit a cigar,
and then he said, come with me...
We entered a room with many locked doors,
and he had the only key.

As he unlocked the doors, I looked inside,
to a past I saw was mine.
I was smoking, drinking, and getting ******,
and I thought everything was fine.

With a tear in his eye, he looked at me,
and he said with a sullen stare.
I'm sorry my son,  it hurts me a lot,
but I really must do what is fair.

Now that you have seen your past,
you must tell me what is to come.
If the present don't change, the Devil you'll see,
and I really must hope... you will run.

And so I had left him there,
to lock all his doors in peace.
I told him I'd change, in all of my ways,
if he could renew my lease.

He said it wasn't his to renew,
and only I could make that choice.
It's time to live the life God gave,
he said in a quiet voice.

Jolly old St. Nicholas, is knocking on my door.
He looks a little strange, like he's never looked before.
"I've had a few to many, and it's really hard to see.
So I ask you to forgive me, for not using your chimney."

I ask him to come in my house, and make himself at home.
He stumbles over my puppy dog, his mouth begins to foam.
"I hate to ask this question, I hate to bother you.
How many have you had, how many is a few?"

"I had an eggnog before I left, to celebrate it's true.
This is the time of year my friend, when nothing else will do.
I stopped at every store, on my merry way.
The reindeer would have went back home, if it wasn't for the day."

He reaches in his bright red sack, to give a gift to me.
And then he pat's his leg, and wants me on his knee.
I tell him I'm too old for that, then I tell him no.
I sit in a chair across from him, and ask him not to go.

He rises up from where he is, and says he cannot wait.
"Time is running out on me, and it's getting rather late.
Christmas comes but once a year, so let us have some fun.
Santa Claus is coming home, my work this year is done."

Before he left he promised me, safety on the way.
He'll call me in the morning, or maybe in a day.
Eggnog got him going, an addiction can't you see.
Santa Claus is getting drunk, more then he should be.

I have known love, without any fear.

I have known pain, and shed many a tear.

I have known loss, when I was a boy.

I have known you, who gave me much joy.


This life that I live, is far from great.

I'm lucky to have friends, let alone a date.

I do have support, from the ones I love.

And I know God cares, from high above.


Why must I go through, these trials that be?

Tribulations of sorts, that are affecting me.

When will things get better? When will they end?

These walls I've put up, I must defend.


Communication has been lost.

For high tech gadgets, but at what cost?

We no longer speak, face to face.

Now it's a matter, of keeping pace.


And so many are lonely, and in great pain.

They are hurting so much, is it all in vain?

Our friends are now computers, O' don't you see?

Why is this happening? How can this be?

Walking the line, hanging from a limb.
Drowning in a river, not knowing how to swim.
Taking for granted, this life that I live.
Knowing no other, alternative.

The nightmares of my past, the dreams of today.
Somehow I know, there must be another way.
I search and I search, on through the wicked night.
Looking for the answer, to make my life right.

I stumble and I fall, on this path that I take.
Hoping the answer, is real and not fake.
Giving in to the impulses, causing myself pain.
watching my blood, drip down into the drain.

I fall to the floor, a tear leaves my eye.
Is this the answer? To the Lord I cry!
Laying there helpless, I pass out on the floor.
I awake in a hospital, my body is sore.

My mother is there, sitting next to my bed.
The tears in her eyes, as she lifts up her head.
She embraces me warmly, and kisses my cheek.
I lay there and watch, because I feel so **** weak.

My wrists are bandaged, I remember it now.
The razor blade sank deep, the voices told me how.
I go to a mental ward, to figure things out.
But I go even crazier, with the insanity I shout.

I was only about four,
that day so long ago.
When I was left alone,
and my tears began to flow.
They told me it was for the best,
and she's not in any pain.
I was to young to understand,
on that day so filled with rain.

They took me to my Grandma's house,
and left me there to stay.
Where did my mommy go?
Why did she go away?
Grandma explained the best she could,
when she looked into my eyes.
But every time she saw my face,
she would always begin to cry.

You look so much like her,
she would always say.
And then the tears would come,
and she would look away.
As time passed by, and I grew up,
I learned why she had cried.
She couldn't tell me mom had cancer,
and that is how she died.

I wish I could have known her more,
or even said good bye.
But when I think about her,
I look up to the sky.
She's given me so much,
I know she's not to blame.
I know her spirits in me,
her passing was a shame.

I am the youngest in my family, I've needed strength my hole life. Life has never been simple for me nor has it been easy. I've always forced myself to go through each day, and when that was not possible, I would always drag myself.

I've had to stay strong both mentally and physically. Since I was old enough to fight back. Never letting anyone or anything get to close for fear I might get hurt.

Crying is a weakness that's okay for others, but not for myself. This weakness that has been lost in me, it has become an emptiness I cannot fill. But it is through this weakness that I stay strong.

Death has always been a welcomed friend, but like all my friends, he too has turned his back on me. He teases me with the power he has, only to torment me another day.

My life will continue it's lonely decent, a journey of sanity, upon which, I have none... or do I? I have tried to make the right choices on my path but I continue to stumble and fall. My only possession is my strength, which has become a yoke on my shoulders like reality itself.

My head is spinning, round and round.
The room is making, a funny sound.
I see many thing's, in my darkened path.
Death will come, from water in a bath.

My eyes will squint, at the brightness of the sun.
I must get away, from this place I must run.
They strap me down, until I scream.
This place is a nightmare, instead of a dream.

And so I break free, and run through the night.
Over the fence, as I run out of sight.
They will never find me, I know that's true.
I will flap my arms, and fly into the blue.

They say I am crazy, but that's not it at all.
When I get to a phone, E.T. I will call.
They say I am nuts, but they don't know.
I'm just a little different, and I like to let it show.

They hunt me down, dogs sniff out the way.
When they snap at me and growl, I think it's time to play.
I get thrown down to the ground, until I can't see.
They strap me up, and give me drugs, I'm happy as can be.

Begging for food, loosing all hope.
Selling their bodies, to pay for their dope.
Some were abandoned, while others ran away.
Homeless children, surviving another day.

It's a hot summer day, clear blue sky.
While you are living, a child will die.
They think they are strong, but they are weak.
Hopes and dreams, are what they seek.

Ripping apart, my christmas bows.
Jack Frost bitting, their frozen toes.
Snug as a bug, in my home.
Walking the streets, they will roam.

Not many people, take the time to care.
Homeless and hungry, and often times scared.
They cannot trust the city, or even the state.
For homeless children, the street is there fate.

Each child has a face, their bodies are skin and bones.
They will ask you for food, they have no homes.
Many people see them, hoping they'll go away.
But the problem gets worse, day by day.

As I remember the years,
that have long passed by.
I think of the mistakes I've made,
and I've wanted to break down and cry.

I see the faces of the ones I love,
and the pain cuts deep into my soul.
So much of my life has been lost,
that my future will never be whole.

I will never be a kid again,
nor will my youth return to me.
The pain I feel inside my heart,
will never set me free.

Emptiness is a constant plague,
that is felt but never seen.
And if you've ever been depressed,
then you'll know exactly what I mean.

Suicide is one way out,
but a way I do not choose.
No matter how much I've already lost,
there is still a lot more I could loose.

So through this journey, we call life,
there will be tragedy along the way.
But everyone has a story to tell,
and it can very from day to day.