Can't put my mind to rest, it's another sleepless night.
My eye's are wide open, and it seems a constant fight.
I lay here in thought, about my long boring day.
Daydreaming of tomorrow, and the bills I must pay.

I toss and I turn, trying to find comfort in this bed.
Punching my pillows, so I can have a place for my head.
After a few minutes, the cycle must again repeat.
Then there is an itching sensation, that begins in my feet.

After laying here for an hour, and going through this charade.
I get up and go to the refrigerator, for a midnight raid.
Now that I have a full stomach, maybe I'll have better luck.
But another hour passes, and this is really beginning to ****.

It's running close to two o'clock, and my eye's have yet to close.
Then there is another itch, except this time it's my nose.
My eyes begin to get heavy, and I'm hoping I will sleep.
And then I hear my alarm clock, beep, beep, beep.

By now it's four o'clock, and I still haven't slept a wink.
My eyes hurt so much now, they hurt to even blink.
I drag myself out of bed, so I can move forward with my day.
And hope that I will sleep tonight, or there will be hell to pay.

Every man is responsible,
for the life he lives.
From the thing's he takes,
to the thing's he gives.

Time is of the essence,
and he must not delay.
To do the thing's tomorrow,
that he can do today.

Even if your killing time,
and think your life is through.
Then grab a pen or pencil,
and write a friend or two.

Responsibility isn't always work,
it's the thing's that must be done.
The ones who are responsible,
have played the game and won.

If you can act your age,
and do what you know is right.
Then responsibility will always come,
to the ones who do not fight.

Have you ever noticed that when you type

you often loose a letter here and there?

We blame it on ourselves

and we say it was and error.

But I am starting to think

that there is a computer troll lurking about

And if it don't get caught soon

I will give Eliot a shout

I would imagine this troll is like Bigfoot

always there but never seen

I think he likes our letters

And I think he's rather mean

He doesn't just take one or two

But he'll leave the words a mess

This is really ******* me off

I guess I must confess

So if you see him running by

tell him I'm on to him

Because if I ever catch up to him

his future will look grim

She aint no sweetie pie, she aint no dear.
When she puts on her face, you will begin to fear.
This woman aint no lady, She's the ***** of them all.
If you ever run into her, 911 you will call.

She will step on you, like the bug that you are.
Or she will run you over, with her filthy car.
Poison Ivy is the name, that's been given unto her.
She is very poisonous, and there aint no cure.

So watch your step, and always be kind.
Because Poisons on the prowl, and she will always find...
A way to be deadly, a way to make you fear.
So enjoy that last swallow, of that frosty ****** beer.

Have you ever had a ******, stuck inside your nose?

You blow so hard, you get pain down in your toes.

You try your best, and you try with all your might.

It refuses to come out, all of the day and night.

The ****** has made a home, in your head it seems.

You blow some more, and even try some creams.

No matter what you do, the thing will not come out.

You pull your hair, then scream and shout.

How desperate you become, to try something new.

But what on Earth, could you possibly do?

Maybe if you stuck your finger in? No, that would be insane.

Or stick your head upside down, out in the freezing rain?

You have tried creams and gels, and a Q tip or two.

But nothing is working, and nothing will do.

And then one day, without even a thought.

You sniff real hard, and BEHOLD something caught!

Down the back of your nose, and into your throat it will ride.

Now it's in your stomach, where it can happily hide.

But you swallowed it!  That's really, really gross!

Do you even care though, as long as it's out of your nose?

Where were you, when I was in pain?
I was lonely and cold, out in the rain.
I wanted to cry, but could shed no tear.
When I needed your help, you chose not to hear.

Where were you, when I needed a friend?
To give me some help, or a hand to lend.
I've been alone, and empty inside.
And so I ran, far away to hide.

Where were you, when I needed love?
We started to fight, when push came to shove.
A simple hug, or a kiss would do.
You never even said, I love you.

Where were you, when I was lost?
I was left alone, the price it cost.
I needed someone, to show me the way.
I've been hurting a lot, ever since that day.

Where were you, when I was young and free?
What was more important, then being with me?
Why were other things, higher on your list?
Why did you treat me, like I didn't even exist?

Where were you, when I needed a Dad?
I was lonely and scared, and often times sad.
I needed someone, who's friendship was true.
Where were you, when I needed you?

Life is a repeating cycle...
everything you have ever seen
has been seen before
everything you have felt
has been felt before
everything you have touched
has been touched before
every emotion you have had
has already been had before

The only difference is...
it's been done by someone else
or in a different body
during a different life
or a different time
when you were young
or in the years to come
it will repeat and has repeated
for thousands of years

The anger, love, passion, and even
your personal thoughts.
they are never truly yours
others have had the exact same
perhaps towards a different soul
perhaps the same soul but a different time

It all repeats, and it always will repeat
I look at the young, as well as the old
and it's always the same
the only difference is... there faces

Jolly old St. Nicholas, is knocking on my door.
He looks a little strange, like he's never looked before.
"I've had a few to many, and it's really hard to see.
So I ask you to forgive me, for not using your chimney."

I ask him to come in my house, and make himself at home.
He stumbles over my puppy dog, his mouth begins to foam.
"I hate to ask this question, I hate to bother you.
How many have you had, how many is a few?"

"I had an eggnog before I left, to celebrate it's true.
This is the time of year my friend, when nothing else will do.
I stopped at every store, on my merry way.
The reindeer would have went back home, if it wasn't for the day."

He reaches in his bright red sack, to give a gift to me.
And then he pat's his leg, and wants me on his knee.
I tell him I'm too old for that, then I tell him no.
I sit in a chair across from him, and ask him not to go.

He rises up from where he is, and says he cannot wait.
"Time is running out on me, and it's getting rather late.
Christmas comes but once a year, so let us have some fun.
Santa Claus is coming home, my work this year is done."

Before he left he promised me, safety on the way.
He'll call me in the morning, or maybe in a day.
Eggnog got him going, an addiction can't you see.
Santa Claus is getting drunk, more then he should be.

It's against the law to **** someone,
who hurts you in some way.
But ****** is always justified,
by mothers everyday.

When you think about abortion,
do you see the child inside?
The babies life you want to stop,
has no where else to hide.

You tell yourself many things,
like it doesn't have a soul.
Think of the future your about to destroy,
by using birth control.

There are many ways to save it's life,
for the mothers who do not care.
And adoption is the answer,
for a couple in despair.

eleven friends and family
gone so early in my life
death has taken it toll
on me I'm afraid
the one's who haven't died
said they would always be there
those were promises lost
I was stabbed in the back
sold out for something less
And now I have no one
nothing
but a bottle of pills
I still think about death
about starting over
in the afterlife
away from the pain
away from them
I'm so tired of this life
tired of the hurt
tired of being betrayed
tired of being alone
why should I care about others?
when nobody cares about me?
It is a constant thought
I will admit that
but am I desperate enough?
to end this life
I think perhaps I may enjoy it
the pain that is
the sadness
the torture
yes, I think I enjoy being miserable
I am a scorpio after all
scorpio's can blend in
disappear in a crowded room
their quiet and laid back
and yet they can take only so much
before they attack in self defense
when will I attack?
who will I hurt?
how badly will I hurt them?
perhaps I should end it now
before I do something I regret
perhaps I will enjoy regret
add it to the torture I already feel
continue being miserable

Through a child's eyes, what they see becomes real.
Confused and misunderstood, they don't know how to feel.
They express there pain, there love, and there curiosity.
But when do we ever, make them our first priority?

We work real hard, to put a roof over there head.
We work real hard, to make sure they get fed.
We work real hard, to put clothes on there back.
But when were not working, there's something we lack.

We don't communicate, with our children very good.
Quality time doesn't come, nor as often as it should.
We drink and do drugs, so we can run away.
And in the end, it is them that will pay.

We blame them for our lives, and the choices we've made.
And we blame them for the bills, and the money we've paid.
We make them feel unwanted, unloved, and even alone.
And when they turn out just like us, we ***** and we moan.

Think about your child, and the things that they see.
Understand they are children, and that is all they should be.
Spend time with your child, and show them you care.
Because your child needs to know, that you will always be there.

The death toll is still rising,
our pain has just begun.
A tragedy has happened,
in this city under the sun.

Airplanes that were hijacked,
and filled with human life.
Beaten and tortured along the way,
while some were killed with a knife.

Used for mass destruction,
the airplanes hit the wall.
Everyone was powerless,
as the Twin Towers began to fall.

A plume of dust and smoke,
both fill the city sky.
The towers crumbled downward,
and our country began to cry.

Survivors walk the streets,
wondering how this can be.
Dirt and smoke have covered them,
and there barely able to see.

Some are trapped inside this mess,
hoping to get out.
The rescuer's are working hard,
trying to hear them shout.

Another plane hits the Pentagon,
with a mighty blow it seems.
Here we sit in total shock,
and listen to the screams.

Now our country is in pain,
a war is on the way.
This world unites in tragedy,
on this hurtful day.

Dearest,

     Hello, how are you? Me? I'm okay. I'm writing you
this letter, cause I just had to say. I love you, I miss
you. I want to come back. I will get a job, and treat you
right, and I will pick up the slack.

     You are the one, I knew it, when I first saw you that
day. Smiling and walking, in that seductive way. Your
looks are to ****, your sassy as can be. I knew you were
the girl, I wanted for me.

     When I come home, I want you to stay close. Cause
you are the one, that my heart chose. Walk with me, talk
to me, caress me with care. Our hearts will soon know,
this love that we share.

     Until then, I will write, just so you'll know. How much
I love you, and how it will show. I want this letter to never
end. But it must be stopped now, if it's ever to be sent.

                                                            Love Always,

Straight from my heart, these words I share.
To let you know, just how much I care.
A touch of love, I hope you feel.
To help you out, when your ready to heal.

I offer a gift, a gift that is true.
To give it away, in all that you do.
A gift of happiness, peace, and yes even love.
This gift is given, straight from our father above.

Some call me a friend, but Jesus is my name.
I share all your feelings, I take away the blame.
Happy or sad, I know your feelings well.
The hearts that are lonely, it is there I will dwell.

Open your hearts, and let us come in.
Our father and I, we can forgive your sin.
Ask me of truth, let your heart lead the way.
Repent and follow me, for soon will be the day.

I have known love, without any fear.

I have known pain, and shed many a tear.

I have known loss, when I was a boy.

I have known you, who gave me much joy.


This life that I live, is far from great.

I'm lucky to have friends, let alone a date.

I do have support, from the ones I love.

And I know God cares, from high above.


Why must I go through, these trials that be?

Tribulations of sorts, that are affecting me.

When will things get better? When will they end?

These walls I've put up, I must defend.


Communication has been lost.

For high tech gadgets, but at what cost?

We no longer speak, face to face.

Now it's a matter, of keeping pace.


And so many are lonely, and in great pain.

They are hurting so much, is it all in vain?

Our friends are now computers, O' don't you see?

Why is this happening? How can this be?

I wish I could run away, to a magical place.

Where I would be happy, with a smile on my face.

I could be young, and have a new start.

I would never grow old, or have a sad heart.


There is no worries, and there is no fear.

I would have many friends, and lots of cheer.

We would play all day, and all night as well.

I think it would be heaven, instead of hell.


But alas... there is no, never never land.

I can only be me, and not Peter Pan.

This life that I live, is lonely at best.

I've built the strength, to survive any test.


After I grow old and die, a ghost I will be.

Haunting these people, who are hurting me.

I shall get revenge, in a tormented sort of way.

Reeking havoc in there lives, until there dying day.


I guess that will be, my never never land.

I guess that will be, where I make my last stand.

I will laugh, and laugh, and laugh some more.

I will have lots of fun, without being a bore.


And so I leave you, with this thought on your mind.

Today might be hell, but tomorrow you must find.

A way to get even, and a way to have fun.

Because in the afterlife, it is them that will run.

I know not of any love songs
and no poems of romantic entangle
I have no passion in me
because love has always failed
what is to come
of a heart that feels such loneliness
who gives to many people
and receives nothing in return
I have compassion for the human race
though this will bring me pain
in the end there's nothing won
and nothing to be gained
people take advantage
of kindness when they can
but never do they give
nor do they understand
I imagine I will grow old
with no one by my side
loneliness I will feel
and the pain I will hide
I will continue to watch
young couples in love
embrace each other and kiss
holding hands as they walk
talking over lunch and dinner
laughing and being happy
children being born
and children growing up
I will know that this happiness
will always be seen

but never felt

Every spring I clean my house, always hoping for a certain guest to arrive. I throw away all the junk I can find, then I think about all the good and bad times. I scrub the floors, shampoo the carpets, then give lots of good stuff to a charity. I wash the windows, mow the lawn, then pull the weeds around the apple trees. When I finish my cleaning, I sit in a chair. Then I open the good book, and meditate on the words that are there. I do this every year hoping he will come, of course he is welcome through out the year. But no matter how hard I look, he never comes. As the years went by, I became old. Time had taken it's toll on my body. I've started getting sick more and the weather worn my skin. As I'm laying in a hospital bed, waiting to die, a Chaplin walks into my room and I begin to cry. I tell him all about my life, and ask what I did wrong? He didn't say a word, but instead sat quietly next to my bed.

Before my death had finally come, I opened up my eyes. And the man I thought was a Chaplin, was Jesus in disguise. He thanked me for giving him such a good home. But as he said this, I began to get mad. "How can you say I gave you such a good home, when you never bothered to come over and say hi? I cleaned my house every spring and praised your holy name. Now you show up in my life, right before I die". "You will never know the joy I felt, watching your entire life, weather you know it or not, I've always been there. I've seen you clean your house and mow your lawn, and I've seen you read your Bible, always with such care". "Why didn't you show yourself, so I knew that you were there? I always waited patiently, for the love you like to share". "My brother, if I showed myself to you, then you would stop, you would stop cleaning and your house would be a mess. You would stop mowing your lawn, and your weeds would take control, my brother, this is the truth, and the truth you must confess". "What did I do wrong my Lord, so I couldn't see your truth?" "O' yee of little faith, no human is perfect, you were just so wrapped up with the material world, that you couldn't see the spiritual one. You wanted a man to live with you, your entire life. You waited and waited for him to show up, and he never did. Early in your life the holy spirit found a home inside your house. My brother, you did nothing wrong, you loved me and looked for me just like the father looked for his prodigal son or how the Shepard looked for his lost sheep. But my brother, It's not your responsibility to be the father or the Shepard, it is mine. You did nothing wrong my brother, you lived a good life and now it's time my brother goes home and my lost sheep returns to the herd". As Jesus spoke those words my old age had settled in. After I told him I loved him dearly, I closed my eyes and died.

The beepers and buzzers had began to off and the nurses and doctors had all come running in. They covered the old mans face with a sheet and a nurse asked the Chaplin if he died peacefully? The Chaplin looked at the nurse and thought for a minute before he said... "I don't know..." The nurse was shocked and said to the Chaplin. "What do you mean you don't know?" The Chaplin who was still quite puzzled commented. "He died without pain, but I believe he was also quite delusional. He was caring on a conversation with me but it wasn't me he was talking too. I sat here and held his hand so he knew I was here but something odd happened and I could not control my body. I was sitting here watching the old man die and the conversation he was having, was with someone else. Someone or something took control of my body and returned his conversation. I could not hear the conversation I only watched it happen. So either the old man was delusional or something spiritual just happened here." The nurse thought for a moment and said very bluntly. "Chaplin I know your a man of God, but I really think you should see a shrink!" Then the nurse turned and left the room leaving the Chaplin to stare at the old mans corpse. The Chaplin did go and see a religious counselor. A year later he believed he was the one having delusions, probably from working so hard.

My head is spinning, round and round.
The room is making, a funny sound.
I see many thing's, in my darkened path.
Death will come, from water in a bath.

My eyes will squint, at the brightness of the sun.
I must get away, from this place I must run.
They strap me down, until I scream.
This place is a nightmare, instead of a dream.

And so I break free, and run through the night.
Over the fence, as I run out of sight.
They will never find me, I know that's true.
I will flap my arms, and fly into the blue.

They say I am crazy, but that's not it at all.
When I get to a phone, E.T. I will call.
They say I am nuts, but they don't know.
I'm just a little different, and I like to let it show.

They hunt me down, dogs sniff out the way.
When they snap at me and growl, I think it's time to play.
I get thrown down to the ground, until I can't see.
They strap me up, and give me drugs, I'm happy as can be.

A gentle old man had asked me once,
do you want to see the past?
I looked at him with long disbelief,
and asked how long it would last.

He gave me a laugh, and lit a cigar,
and then he said, come with me...
We entered a room with many locked doors,
and he had the only key.

As he unlocked the doors, I looked inside,
to a past I saw was mine.
I was smoking, drinking, and getting ******,
and I thought everything was fine.

With a tear in his eye, he looked at me,
and he said with a sullen stare.
I'm sorry my son,  it hurts me a lot,
but I really must do what is fair.

Now that you have seen your past,
you must tell me what is to come.
If the present don't change, the Devil you'll see,
and I really must hope... you will run.

And so I had left him there,
to lock all his doors in peace.
I told him I'd change, in all of my ways,
if he could renew my lease.

He said it wasn't his to renew,
and only I could make that choice.
It's time to live the life God gave,
he said in a quiet voice.

I have two brothers
who hunt and fish
they camp and hike
love sports and drink
have the perfect jobs
drive brand new cars
in debt up to there necks
have the perfect families
they think there always right
fight tooth and nail

if you are not like them
you do not exist
they have nothing nice to say
they have nothing to do with you
you are not a man
you are not a person
you are not a human being

I am not a man
in there opinion

I can write about love, ***, or even money, power, and greed.

I can write about Jesus, and how the bible will plant a seed.

I can write about the wealthy, and I can even write about the poor.

I can write about the hungry, and the cold, who will beg of you at the door.

I can write about sadness, loneliness, and sometimes the pain.

I can write about depression and suicide, the sun and the rain.

I can write about all of these things, and so much more.

But there's something I can't write about, because I don't know how, to open that door.

Nightmares steal the sleep from me.
My mind is my, worst enemy.
The monsters are inside my head.
Where torture comes, in sheets of red.

I toss and turn and cry all night.
But no one hears, my mental fight.
Is this what's left, of reality?
When I run to find, my sanity.

I bang my head against the wall.
When the monsters, in my mind do call.
There high pitch screech is what I hear.
But the crimson, left behind I fear.

There's a battle going on, inside my head,
If I don't run, I will be dead.
Walls are tumbling, all around.
And bodies cover, the ****** ground.

I wake up all drenched in sweat.
A cup of coffee, I go and get.
No more sleep for me that night.
Sleep will come with strength to fight.

They were the first, in the land of the free.
They were the ones, who have taught me to see.
It is there love, for Mother Earth and Father Sky.
I will always hear the chant's, that the Natives cry.

The Buffalo runs on land, and the Eagle soars above.
Our Mother gives us food, and our Father gives us love.
I see them dance for victory, I see them dance for rain.
I see them dye with honor, I see them die in pain.

I walk through the woods, and the animals don't run.
It's been a long journey, and now my journey is done.
I enter the spirit world, and I see the young and old.
It's everything I believed in, it's everything I've been told.

A native is a friend, even though we've never met.
I look them in the eyes, as I begin to sweat.
We have so much in common, as strangers often do.
Mother Earth has taught us both, that all her ways are true.

But will they allow me brotherhood, in there native ways?
Letting me dance the circle, of the forgotten days?
Knowing I am half and half, I'd rather be the red.
But I am only proud... of the natives who are dead.

Walking the line, hanging from a limb.
Drowning in a river, not knowing how to swim.
Taking for granted, this life that I live.
Knowing no other, alternative.

The nightmares of my past, the dreams of today.
Somehow I know, there must be another way.
I search and I search, on through the wicked night.
Looking for the answer, to make my life right.

I stumble and I fall, on this path that I take.
Hoping the answer, is real and not fake.
Giving in to the impulses, causing myself pain.
watching my blood, drip down into the drain.

I fall to the floor, a tear leaves my eye.
Is this the answer? To the Lord I cry!
Laying there helpless, I pass out on the floor.
I awake in a hospital, my body is sore.

My mother is there, sitting next to my bed.
The tears in her eyes, as she lifts up her head.
She embraces me warmly, and kisses my cheek.
I lay there and watch, because I feel so **** weak.

My wrists are bandaged, I remember it now.
The razor blade sank deep, the voices told me how.
I go to a mental ward, to figure things out.
But I go even crazier, with the insanity I shout.

Walking down this road,
with my back against the light.
Darkness engulfs my body,
while my spirit puts up a fight.

I want the Lord's forgiveness,
and to run into his arms.
But Satan wants to keep me,
with his powers and his charms.

The holy word is not enough,
when the hearts not willing to give.
And sins are what will happen,
in this life I choose to live.

Happiness is what I want,
as I turn around and cry.
Promises I cannot keep,
but faithfulness I'll try.