Some days I can't write
I won't write. takes
too much heart
too much sacrifice
too much sorting through places of  my mind
I swore I'd let alone, leave be

let me be
leave me be
alone

then,
no.
Fight. Alone is dangerous

alone is an open door
alone is locking yourself in with a dragon
so I will pick up first,
my heart
then my courage
then my fingers

though cut up
and open
bleeding rivers

I will then pick up my pen
and write.

there is still so much more I need to tell you.

When you sit alone at night
And can't help but stare blankly into darkness
Remembering all those times you were
torn up
  chewed up
    spit out
      stepped on
        shattered into millions of pieces
Not knowing why, and wondering how the hell you ever made it


Curling into a ball and hugging yourself tighter than ever
With the quiet, shallow breathing you've perfected so as to not wake a soul
And tears escaping your eyes and cracking your insides as if you were nothing but raw
Shaking as if the room was cold beyond compare
Fighting inner demons as they try to escape through every pore of your body
As if they were trying to take hold of where a warrior once possessed
Spasms of terror paralyze limbs, thoughts taking over
Closing your eyes tight until the time has passed
Falling asleep, recouping for nights to come

I am emotionally tired
I am physically weary
I wanted to sleep so bad
But all I've done so far
Was lying on my bed
Staring the ceiling
In this dark room of mine
Wondering why
I've been doing this for hours
But I am not yet reach the dreamland.