I realize I'll fall through every hole
Find a new love and **** myself for it
Find a way out but they eat me all up
I eat and I eat; don't get any bigger
Too tiny to be seen by God's mercy
You hung pamphlets all over my room

I'm not cold, I'm not sick
(You have the nerve which berates me)
I'm just doing as best as I can

It's overcast now but I'm not complaining
Helping hands aren't trying to choke me
So don't run away, please don't
My God won't help me but they will
The wrath of poison swallows me whole

I'm not cold, I'm not sick
Just know that I'm actually okay

a feeling in my head like it was filled with boiling cement and numbing spikes, it's difficult to handle.

I did bad. I hated the pressure. I want to go with a bang: somersault four stories high with a simple plot twist, that I'm a ****-up
just to close myself off from them, it makes me feel so heavy

Lock myself up in the hospital room's deceased smell,
Several strokes and seizures followed by a dying utterance
"We're just here to plant a dark seed for you to rely on"
There's a shock so strong they are choked into hard, stinging tears and I'm left with a struggle of disconnect; I think they are all faking it

Sitting and thinking and thinking, I'm all in my head
This isn't me; I'm just sitting and thinking and thinking
my head is filled with boiling cement and numbing spikes
I'm so ******* disappoint/ing/ed

Ugly brute voices whistle into your dog ears
You hear multiple voices; they entice you
You got dead dogs tied to your sandbag post
Let yourself mull over the boredom, you monster
Find a finger in your food; another in your eye
She gave you the worst cry for help  that one
A head watery with waste; full of watery Xanax
Trouble in the fermented paradise of bliss
You resort to the excitement; whatever that is
To cope with the vapidity of everyday life
Foamed cigarette electrical trial and error heir / air
Air roar sky dome sky-by transfers pixel crust
Render the saint-est way of transformation from dysphoria

spoke on the phone with him while  inhaling carbon monoxide fumes.You can't think about it. You just have to do it. You said you were gonna do it. Roy's body was waiting for her 50 miles apart. the eyes linger yearn fully for a detached audience. I stand above you wishing I could give you it all because you're nothing. struggle with your expression. my concern is to choke you now until you come

I can hear caffeine pills rattling in his pocket, he's got the speed of a jack rabbit,
I drove by my old friend who held a bouquet of flowers, and she's gonna meet up with him and steal the Eiffel tower

I just smile and drive on by

He's been sleepy-eyed, he's sure he's some cartoon, some kind of washed up loony-toon

I scrutinized his silver tie and his shiny tuxedo shoes, I tantalized the neighbour's daughter until I had my chance

An orange ball flashes past my closed eyes
Yesterday I drove past my friend's home
Enthralled with the blue and orange jet stream sky
I ran him over with a heartless remark

His leaky mind spawned a precious spark
Everlasting memories and she comes back
I point over and tell him to look behind
It's not even her, toddling down the hall

He turns around back at me
I realize what I've done
In my hands I hold a gun
I bite down and ask him how he's been
He smiles with no expression and says:

Trapped in this icy white box
Through a small opening
I see rabbits and seagulls
Stunned by season's verve
I slide down the street
The car pushes my dead weight
I hide; I'm twitching and all
With very little nerve

She reaches out
You pull back
With open arms
You curl into a ball
She tries to embrace
You roll over her back
She stands still
Waiting to weep

Your the new puppy dog that wants to be loved
She's the old footstool that has your love

You watch it happen all in front of them
You see your older self but he knows you more
You struggle to realize, but you tell the footstool she did a good job

I'll be sure to shut myself down for you
The silent screen that ****** so loud
I'll be sure to let them all heckle
As I pass on to the next crowd

I can hear their laughter but never their hearts
Because I'm the guilty one that never fights back
I'm the one that should be a miserable ****
Because everything is so happy go lucky

I'm the one shunned from the core of the earth
I'm the one left outside, ****** on like a ****

I saw the difference right there
One look and I'm talking to myself
So I ran home away from you

Sedated under condition
Once so loving and free
But then I spoiled it
So I ran home away from you too

Found a match
Caused a spark
Never heard from again
So I ran home away from that as well

I don't know you but I'm scared you'll bite my neck
So I'm just gonna stay right here at home
While the rest of you go to sleep in your pall

I'm sorry
I won't do that again
I just can't help myself

Overwhelmed with feeling
Warm water filling me up
I release, I try so hard
I won't do that again

Your Nonno is staring at me
You've swam past me and
you've touched me

I release, I try so hard
I will wait until I shower
Where no one can see me
Except for your Nonno
Who will **** me in my sleep

Maybe I'm empathizing a nervousness you don't even have
Maybe I'm scared of who I really am
Maybe I'll just laugh

You don't need as much sleep when you're alone

When you're with the person, all you can do is sleep

When you're asleep you don't see how sad it is

You just sleep and hope for the best

The door creaks open as I cling underneath
The dogs are let back in to warm up
Our sleeping drowns out the fighting
I wake up and you're not there
I'm not myself but I guess I can handle it
You come back later with some guilt
I see you back with some confusing fluff
The head trauma drowns out the fighting
How many times did I hold back
And how many times were your arms held tightly with my restless grip
You ran off to your mind garden, the back way where the neighbours couldn't see you trip in the green house
Why not dance  on the wet road with drivers passing by with ****** lives
We laughed at them once
Who is laughing at us now
The black bird on your messy wall
He knows I never would climb Kilimanjaro

Lazy artist, shut the **** up
And get back to work
Stop hustling crazy characters in wheelchairs
And stop shattering all that stigma
It's not good for you, and it ain't good for me
Man up and shut up, if you knew any better

Stop hustling sugar cane nose food
And stop shattering your precious dreams
Wake up now, my lazy ******* artist

Go back to the video store and stalk your wanted flicks
Eat up all your karma so you can have a few bits
to spit back out at your enemies
Brush it off and continue on with your life
But remember to come down soon

You took some risks today
Your friends don't want you
But that's okay cause you got a place to be
On all fours, you can crash gently on your own

I should have paid more attention to you. I'm just a stupid slob. And though you look good, I tell you they look good. You got new glasses. So I just now realized that I've told the bunch from the two, many times in the past: between "you look good" and "they look good." What good is it that I will make any difference now by saying: "You look good."  I ****** it all up. I was deviant with you and I was careless when it came to present love. And I was bashful from that. I'm waiting for your answer about how you've been. Waiting on that just makes it sour. I'm waiting on you waking up beside me the next morning, squirming around, stretching out your tiredness, smiling and eyes closed. And me not ever wanting to leave the bed.

I'm bad 'cause I stay up late
I'm your absolute worst nightmare
'Cause I got bat-**** eyes floating on your ceiling
I'm just bad 'cause I'm a **** and you're a ****
I'm ******* dying on your income
'Cause it's bad now, all bad

I'm bad 'cause I stay up late
******* on dead rats, laughing at myself
Can't help but to think of all the fun at L'ecole Night Visit
My hands which ironed your face into pie
Weeping like ***** in your hole
Sad little ****, you're so bad

Firm hand shake, I won't disbelieve
That the good guy's gonna cry over that
****** on rat ****, so just cry -- ha-ha -- cry

Doesn't have his hands to hold the camera

Doesn't have his head to see through the lens

He's just a sitting duck on a ladder

He doesn't have to worry about friends

Can't explain, your lack of concern
Shallow mind in the shallow gutter
With all the other dark souls warm from their own light
They scare you; you can't help but lock the door and overheat
Keep yourself away from these ugly people
So you can only lose it on yourself
I'm your Quasimodo dancing on stage with no music
Because I'm the music and it makes us all sick
With all their behavioral token  and superior thoughts
You smile hatefully and spit in their eyes
You walk so high and you think of yourself
You think you're a prophet to everyone's problems
You are comic relief but you are not pain relief
I'm a problem to everyone and most especially you
I'm a ******* and I want you to know that
And that I'm always your low-life Apocrypha
Also know that suicide is the hardest place
for the living and breathing
And that sinners laugh below in a Heaven without actors
Because they know how hard they try
No you don't
So they perish
They don't ask for help
I waste everyday I try with myself
I give all my energy for you
You tell me who I am like I am
your holy bible
You're pathetic

Everyone notices how you've grown your hair
And you think you're hanging them up
But you're turning them down

No one listens to you
So you have to yell
And so you dwell

You can't seem to get out of bed
So you cry for him in your sleep
He's still in your head
Like the electric current
They had treated you  

You think asleep of tranquilizer
You decline your mother's breakfast
You turn everyone down
You can't seem to rest
You can't seem to rest

Remember when we used to play-fight on your same kitchen floor as mine
My little empath, I am so deeply sorry

I was your cruel filter which made me go blind, and to not realize how much further pain I had brought to you, I did not mind

You will always be mine, my beautiful empath
Your hair so much sunnier but your soul darkened from my distance
Your restless, enticed passion which breathes heavily in your eyes, I beg to return

If only I had listened to your beautiful cries, my sweet empath
We may have had another chance to find our young hearts again

When I drove through the city tonight I noticed how quickly I felt alone

The gift for you was my only passenger, for you did not take it, since I never saw what you have shown

Back and forth back and forth, my ****-ups, terrible choking you to death as I cry while I eat my food

The sweater choking my neck is the last thing to tell me to be good

Please take me back to the flying saucer, the gloomy pine bar not-so far, the afternoon afterschool naps groggy with young happy love

Soft spoken useless friend I am
Stupid quiet bird
Hot and hardened as
Near Summer heat
The coroner is coming

Poor dead boy, She had never loved him
She had never loved him
Poor dead boy, Her love a whim
Her love went on as a whim

Soft subtle licking lips, she is
Stupid pause and funny woes
Cleo Patra sporting shoes
Cellophane hearts bring *******
Lust of laughter to forge
Whistlebees dance around an answer
Like follicles on molding porridge
Like on ***-slave rabbits
Drinking powdered juice
And those two **** the poor boy
A second time where he can no longer
Take pretty pictures of where he had wandered
Eaten by the photographer's endeavour

Everyone looks at me as the sickest one down the street
No friends on the telephone box
So I make sure they see me walk away
I sometimes feel lack-sense

Visit the night l'ecole and about a dozen murderers
This went on in and about a cracked fairytale.

Whenever I want to leave
the same old taped box
Comes and pushes me in l'ecole

I went somewhere to meet up
with my worries
But the worries suppressed me

Dim light in the ****** pantry
with kitchen ****
They won't even come and
light me a wire to burn
Light my ******* face off
with a towel-iron
Brother suicide leave me crying
in the bone-ditch
My stroller broke and I'm
crawling off the falls

I was with her just today
And now they all act like she's missing

Acceptance is not a word to me
It's only a flashback to my greatest fear
Careless open breeze thrown away out the window
I suffer why I suffer I have no clue how badly she does
I pant and wag when she unlocks the cage
She wails and whimpers even when I'm put back
Repentance is a word I never a leave alone
She wails and whimpers I spill the facts
Her smile flickers when I ask her to love me
The fog follows deeply hugging me with fear
She hugs me so deeply like its one last big fuss
I've been tried to put to sleep but I seem to like the cage

I wish the sun was always set The orange glow on my burdened mind
I wish for the drug-induced warmth To embrace me as I run
I'd run down the orange shadowy road where I'd see rows and rows of my orangy white house I'd search for little but stumble across many
An alien crash site at my old school A sadness overwhelm, I'd beg
For return, the orange people sigh
Tell me to go, tell me then

It's the sun in their eyes that tell me to go, they tell me to go, so I leave

I leave