I feel like dying, but I'm trying.
I'm so tired of this anger.
You get mad at me, think I'm lying;
always feel like I'm in danger.
Your inventions of intentions
never matched my thoughts inside.
Did you ever think to mention
when you noticed we had died?
I got these daggers in my back,
but my pride is still intact.
Let's stay together for the kid,
always trying to fix it.
Broken pieces on the floor —
push myself against the door.
Now I'm begging you for more:
forgive, restart it.

I think I'm dying; I'm going crazy.
You think I'm lying — I'm not lazy.
I'm just tired from this fighting.
You're a liar, so stop waiting.
So I'll use my ***** pen
to spill my hurt upon this paper.
The fighting starts again,
so my heart begins to waiver.
I'm on the edge again;
you're not listening.

I feel like falling, but I'm standing.
I'm so tired — my love is gone.
You yelled at me; I'm withering.
I won't miss you; you're not the one.
Your inventions of intentions
never matched my thoughts inside.
Did you ever think to mention
when you noticed we had died?
Doesn't matter if it's verbal;
keep thinking it is all my fault.
We keep fighting in a circle —
locked my heart inside a vault.
Won't you please just hear me out?
Your voice is always full of doubt.
Please don't make me have to shout;
I can't restart this.

I think I'm dying; I'm going crazy.
You think I'm lying — I'm not lazy.
I'm just tired from this fighting.
You're a liar, so stop waiting.
So I'll use my ***** pen
to spill my hurt upon this paper.
The fighting starts again,
so my heart begins to waiver.
I'm on the edge again;
you're not listening.

I will stand up, drink from this cup.
I regret this situation.
You can walk away — don't play cleanup.
Let's get out of this sick rotation.
Your inventions of intentions
never matched my thoughts inside.
Did you ever think to mention
when you noticed we had died?
I got these daggers in my back,
but my pride is still intact.
Can't stay together for the kid;
aren't trying to fix it.
Left the pieces on the floor —
now I'm going out the door.
I'm not begging you for more;
I won't restart it.

I think I'm dying; I'm going crazy.
You think I'm lying — I'm not lazy.
I'm just tired from this fighting.
You're a liar, so stop waiting.
So I'll use my ***** pen
to spill my hurt upon this paper.
The fighting starts again,
so my heart begins to waiver.
I'm on the edge again;
you're not listening.
No...
you're not listening.
No...
you're not listening.
No...
you're not listening.

On this day of December
Forgotten thoughts I remember.
I think of the joy that I attained
But still deal with pain that remains.
I feel I went from
Boy to man
I found out I can tell myself
Yes you can
Accomplishments can be made
My heart can be saved
My perspective can be changed
I thought I knew these things before
But I was still behind a door
So I will continue to grow inside
Admit my faults and swallow my pride
I've had good times and bad
So happy, yet sad
If you forgive yourself
Things will change
Happiness will no longer
Feel so strange
For my own values
My self worth
My family
Are the most important things in life
Because on this day of December
I remembered
Love.

Lately all I can think about
Is what is truly real
Or just my perspective?
All I can dream about
Is reality, or what it seems to be
What is an illusion?

I can hear nature speak
Trees whisper, and cackle
Leaves giggle, and crackle
The ocean breathes, and sings
Birds dance and fly with their wings

I can feel the colours of different people
I can see the pain that people carry
Only to wish I could relieve them
But I can only support and believe
Everything will be okay

My attitude affects me
My mood, my fortune
The food I eat determines
my feelings and emotion.
I'll continue to look inside
To grow and learn
Love is truly what I yearn

The answers aren't always in the past
Or even the future.
Reality is inside us, around us
Now and eternally to last
I am unfolding a map
Of my soul and what it means
To truly understand
The Truth.

My demon, what happened to you.
You used to be oh so sweet.
Kiss me good night to sleep.
Tell me life is grand and help me understand.
Why life is worth living for.
Why smiling is important.
Why I am so great.
Now all I do is wait.
For your call of insecurities.
For you to tell me you're all right.
For you to come back home.
Please tell me, what happened to you.
My angel.

And if you only knew what I know.
Then maybe you'd be happy.
Maybe you would realize.
How much you hurt me.
How much you're presence stings.
How much I love you.
Only if you knew what they know.
How they think.
How much we miss you.
How much you could actually live.
If only...if only..
You would just leave us alone.
And come back a person.
Come back a mother.
Come back a sister.
Come back a daughter.
Just leave the wife behind.
Let my soul rest.
Instead of waking up
in the middle of the night.
Just to hurt.
Just to cry.
Just to mourn.
Your life that you do not live.
Your love that you could have.
It's right here in front of you.
But its like everything is transparent.
And you are just wandering
Through out your own abyss.
So please...
Please..
I feel like a broken record.