Josef Wilhelm

Josef Wilhelm Nov 2013

Why must you hurt me so?
Make me feel this pain,
That you feel every day.
How can you push it upon me?
When it is not mine for the taking.
I write to release,
but you want to break my pen.
How will I ever grow?
If you are on top of me
smothering me from my own reality.
Holding me back from who I am.
You hurt and cry for yourself.
So why must I still cry for you?
I cry for me
Because I will not become numb
and cold as ice.
The way I used to be
in my youth.
When my eyes are closed
I see you
hating you
feeling sorry for yourself.
But I will not hate me
Ever again.

Josef Wilhelm Nov 2013

Mother

Mother, why are you fading here?
Why are you begging fear
To bother everyone that is near?
So stop waiting to disappear.

I puncture every pain I have.
You smother every day that I have
Oh Father, catch me when I fall
And I finally ended the call.

Oh yeah...I ended the call.
Oh yeah... ended the call.
Oh no...ended the call.
Oh no...

I've never cried so much in my life.
I've never tried to keep myself alive
And bleed, bleed, bleed the pain away.
You keep, keep, keep him far away.

A child continues to play along,
Smile boy why don't you play a song
With your toy-box open for all to see.
Won't you ever, please forgive me?

Oh ya..please for give me.
Oh ya..Please forgive me.
Oh no...You won't forgive me.
Oh no.. you won't forgive..

Oh Mother, don't you be afraid.
This is how our dreams are made.
Soon you'll see it upon my face.
So just do this at your own pace.

And nothing ever will be erased.
And you can never ever be replaced.
And I will stay here until the day you .
Finally see the expression on your face..

Oh yeah...expression on your face..
Oh yeah..expression on your face..
Oh no...what you need to face.
Oh no.. you're turning me away.

Mother, what are you doing here?
Why won't you go and face your fears?
Why are you never leaving here?
Still waiting to disappear.

Why can't I ever close the door?
Why am I still begging you for more
Of this pain that no one could ignore?
I see you laying quiet on the floor.

Oh no...I see you on the floor.
Oh no..I see you on the floor.
Oh no..stop begging him for more.
Oh yeah...I finally closed the door.

Finally closed the door.
Finally closed the door.
There's nothing I needed more.
Than to close that heavy door.

Josef Wilhelm Oct 2013

Amounting To Myself

Why
Am I still in this place?
How
Am I still dragging my heels..
When I know better.
I could do better for myself .
Recognize the madness of life
Is only a test of patience.
To attain happiness and contentment.
But we as people
Are our worst critics.
But its easy to forget
We can empower ourselves just as much.
So chin up dude.
Smile.
That's what everyone remembers you by.
And laugh..
Laugh more.
Life is beautiful,
And so I've been told
To look in the mirror,
And tell myself my fate.
For I choose how I feel
About every situation.
Every memory.
And every moment.

Josef Wilhelm Aug 2013

My Drawer

I pulled out my drawer
and it was full of our memories
My heart was still beating
Its beating for you
And everything became still
I felt your shattering words
New memories became history
These movies became photos
And our love became a distant past
Oh why won't it last
Why won't it last
And I hear my waves come crashing

It was my fault this time
I pushed you away with my words
I've never felt love like yours
So true and refined
Like an old bottle of wine
And now my heart feels like
an unfinished painting
I can't keep on waiting
for this love to come back
So I'll close my drawer
Sealing it up
Boarding it up
Closing it up
I feel my heart break

And now I can't feel you
And now I can't see you
I'll clench my sturdy fist
Squeezing away the pain
Of loss and insanity
Quietness, and tranquillity
Of my heart
Of my heart
It's the start
Of something that is more
Open and close the door
Of my heart
Of my heart
I still miss you

I've changed, I've changed
And my heart, my heart
Is in flames, in flames
Come back, my love
I've changed, I'm the same
I won't lie any more
I won't cry any more
I can't die any more
Don't know why any more
I've gone and lost my way
I dont know what to say
Im lost.

I still feel your lips
Pressing against mine
And I can still feel our hearts
Tightly intertwined,
These wounds are still bleeding,
They will heal in time...
And even though I feel. like this
I'll be fine, I'll be fine
And this time, this time
My heart is heavy and
my knees are weak
And the more of this I speak of
The more it just hurts
So that's just proof
I'll be fine.
With your heart
In mine

Josef Wilhelm Feb 2013

Lovers Lost And May Be Found

Do not mind me
As I unscrew my heart from my chest
And empty the contents into a box
Only to hide it away from myself temporarily
Maybe they will return on their own
Over time attraction may lead our paths together
Copies can be made and shared again reborn
Or forgotten only to die and fade into the distance of the past
I need not worry for I have faith
I need not fail to see what is truly in front of me
And I need not to always just love,
But to continue to show it inside myself
This is all I know and feel since I could remember
And for myself...faith can't always be there
But I can learn for me and others that I love
And I can step up to the plate
And I will bat with precision
Not blindly without direction
True love pulls through and comes together
So I'll continue to truly love myself
There's no one closer to me

Josef Wilhelm Dec 2012

This December

This December I remember
All the nightmares that have haunted me
for years and years.
All the tears that I have shed
for not only myself
but for others.
I remember myself
before I discovered the love that I have
for my own self worth.
I can't help but think
and dream
about the future that I hold
That I grasp
and wonder how
I ever did anything right
When all I did was fight
a battle undeserved.
Considering the circumstances
I feel as though life
has begun once again.
Everything is new
yet everything is old.
And as time goes by
I will heal and grow.
The clarity I feel will show
even though I don't quite
understand it.
I will push through
With energy untold
My book will unfold
in fast-forward.
Some days I will feel dead.
And some days I will dread.
But at least all these heavy burdens
are just deep and heavy wounds and scars
that I am stitching up.
One memory at a time.
I do still feel and bleed the pain away
Yet this December I discovered
That I am finally alive.

Josef Wilhelm Oct 2012

My Own Self-Worth

I don't know what I've done
to be put through this torture.
If I believed in God I'd pray.
And beg him to grant me strength.
But only I can grant myself this power.
The guts to hold in the tears
And stand my ground.
Stick up for myself.
I am not a child.
Nor a coward.
I am strong.
I can persevere.
With a heart as thick as this.
An impenetrable wall.
Even though I feel weak
at this moment
I don't feel fear.