same setting from a year ago...
i am not sure why, but
before the clock strikes twelve midnight,
my eyes would surely open
no matter what.
coffee in bed right now,
with a few cookies to munch....
my bifocals, where are they?
i need them now...i could vaguely see
something crawls on the carpet,
making rounds, circling my bed...
oh, no, it is hopping towards my comforter...
I stretch a leg beneath the pillows
something moves very near my toes.
i withdraw my leg, alarmed,
as it quickly disappears...
...then reappears!  now stationary...
this is starting to annoy me...
I poke it with a pencil,
fear no longer present,
now, with my bifocals found.
but it hops.....and hops...
and hops into hiding
down.....down.....below,
somewhere inside my comforter.
In lieu of me, it is now the  comforted.
it is taking too long to come out.
.....something i realized just now.....
could it be possible, could it remember...
i was kind enough not to use a swatter before....
why, i feel like i am being welcomed!
we are playing hide-and-seek,
a welcome dance it is!
here and now, just like before
from last  autumn,
we are finally reunited,
my cricket friend and i....

  S a l l y
  Copyright  2013
     Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan

For every time you swore that I wouldn't make it
For every instance that scorn crept into every unsaid word
You never needed to disown me mother for I was never yours
I let you rip at the very stones of my foundation in your attempt
To assure my failure so I would know your contempt
But you failed, mother, because you are so blind
Without you I struggled but the way I did find
Even though there were times I didn't think I could take it
How do you sleep at night knowing that you have forsaken
Your only son; I hope it has taken
A grave toll on your hard black soul
I hope you rip at your bloodless flesh in your dreamless sleep
And torment yourself with a hate that's violent and deep
Let's both be honest here, though, because we both know
That you are glad that I am gone
But in spite of you I have struggled on
To build a life worth living, so I didn't end up like you
I can't even imagine how you live like you do
Every day cold and grey, every miserable hour the same
Every problem not your own for everyone else is always to blame
You can't even see how broken you have become
From you perch where you judge what others have done
I hope you see me far below, standing strong and tall
And remember that no matter what happens I refuse to fall
I hope fear creeps into the cavity of your chest
I hope it disturbs you every time you try to rest
And I hope it leaves you depressed, knowing I have risen
Knowing that you couldn't **** me when you thought it was a given
I am going to become something you have only dreamed of
Before your dreams disappeared and were replaced by fears
That destroyed you and rotted your core
And left you broken and unable to shed tears or feel anymore
I pity you, mother, for you are all alone
But I will never forgive you for the things you have done
What kind of monster are you, who could turn her back on her own son
You made me feel so worthless and incapable
You taught me that unhappiness is oppressive and inescapable
All you ever taught me has proven to be a lie
Planted in my head so that you could watch me die
But for every seed of doubt you planted that rooted in my head
I ripped them out because I would have rather been dead
Than forever incapacitated by the poison you applied
Only then did I understand that you had already died
I think of you every day, I fight against the memories I have
I can't help that at times they make me sad
But they make me want more for myself than what you said life offered
And I will fight for every inch until the day I die
I will fight for a better life because I know the reasons why
I am worthy and good and not a victim of your lies
I am loved and I love others, I am honest, I am good
I am everything that your sad existance never understood