Little more than listless guests,
we play the game I-need-you-less.


Discord, missed turn, second guess;
things are different. Bitter? Yes.


Weary, naked– I'll confess;
you drew your hooked line through my chest


so meet me in your battledress
and if your blade finds  tender flesh,


I swear that with my dying breath
I'll say * "I won. I need you less."

Though down many long, sometimes crowded,
mostly lonely roads
of life in seasons spent, in the dreams
and memories, bittersweet in plans and schemes,
you, of one, and of some of a few,
touched my life
forever,
and you still now do,
with your hand outstretched,
I take it and in gratefulness,
thank you for your friendship,
and graciousness,
and though the road still before me lies,
it's not so lonesome with
you by my side.
__
Inspiring image:
http://beautyineverything.com/5357912558

Insecurity,
It's what drives my world around.
Insecurity is writing a poem about a girl
Who you thought was meant to be, then
Turn around and find out
She thought you were meant to be a joke.
Insecurity is the twisting in the depths of my stomach,
Wondering whether you are mine
Or if chasing clouds would be a better use of my time?

Can't you just love me for me?
Love me for my bad jokes,
Love me for my sloppy clothing,
Love me for the slob lifestyle I live?
And for always having a shoulder to cry on,
Two ears ready to listen to your problems,
And an insatiable urge to see the bright side of even the worst problems?
To get you smiling and back on your feet.

And when times are at their worst -
And things look to only get worse -
I will be there with a smile,
Just glad to have you near me,
Because that's all that really matters
To me.

My heart is a castle, long vacated, dark and unkept.  
Your fingerprints lay peacefully right where they were left.  
The sound of your voice bounces across the old walls.  
Every memory of you is held locked in her vault.

As the mere scent of water brings a man back from death;
So the fragrance of you would give my heart back her strength.
My skin vibrates violently at the thought of your touch.
O to taste of your sweetness would be more than enough.

My lips long to be crowned once again with your kiss.
To live it again is my heart’s deepest wish.
To look in your eyes to the depths of your soul
Memories of you, they never get old.

Like a man who scrapes the scabs of disease from his skin;
You scoured your heart clean of every memory of when ...
With unwavering strength, you shut me out  
Like rancid milk from your mouth, you spit me out.
Like refuse, you discarded me - tossed me away.  
For a moment you loved me - but then turned away.  

Like an abandoned old dog, who faithfully waits -
My heart sits here longingly determined yet ashamed.  
Why did you breach all the walls of my heart?
Like a replaying movie, I relive every part ...
Why did you give me just a taste of your love?
Like a hunter you trapped me - in your memory I’m stuck.

The earth shakes violently and opens her mouth.  
My heart sinks down slowly as earth swallows her up.  
A cold bitterness pours over me like cement on the street
It climbs up slowly til I’m completely caught in its grip.  
I’m lost in this torment, I’m can’t find my way
In the maze of this conflict - I’m sick and afraid.

My Lord, I’m praying please help me to live.  
Please numb the pain - split open this grave.
I know what I should feel - but not how to proceed
I loved him so deeply - it gets hard to breathe

My heart is a castle now haunted with ghosts
No lover will stay there - no guests will approach
Voices reverberate through every hall
Yes, my heart is a castle hidden behind a thick wall.

I paint the world with the colors of my creativity.
I emit a prism of optimism, and a rainbow of joy.
Bright blues, and exciting electric green,
Green forests of my envy over the mountains in my mind.
Dancing purples over frolicking yellows,
and mauve, when I'm feeling a little cheeky.
I skip through my life sparkling like glitter.
It's more fun, you know, to be carefree and full of joy.
Not to worry about the grey clouds that hover over other's heads.
But then you remind me, again, that the world is not black and white,
but shades of grey.
Is it worth it to waste my colors on the colorblind?

It's a funny thing being lost.
You desperately try to find your way home
Using a map
Asking for directions
Looking for signs.
Frantic and roadblocked for time.
Danger at every turn.
It is unnerving to be in the dark.


But sometimes, I like being lost,
not knowing what's going to happen next,
laughing at twists and how they
turn
into dead ends, calling a mystery.
The adventure makes my heart pound,
and I blush, hoping to find my way back to the known.

But, the unknown with you
is better than any known I know.
I am found in your eyes.

It started as a whisper.
I lacked confidence in my dreams, and spoke softly.
You brushed my hopes aside, for I was only a child.

I grew and matured, hoping you'd hear my older, more deliberate wish.
Yet in your eyes, I was still a child.
I spoke louder, hoping my volume was the issue.
Yet, you acted like I did not speak.
But I DID speak.
As Webster said, I was expressing my thoughts, opinions and feelings ******.

I spoke firmly.
I spoke strongly.
I spoke pleadingly.
As time passed, my body grew,
along with confidence in myself and my dreams.
I spoke again, a different woman.
I spoke again, for others said I could do anything, for I was me.
I spoke again, more forcefully than ever before, causing echoes in the room.
I was sure you had heard me.
Yet you shot me down, ignoring me and my voice.

And then I screamed.
I screamed until our neighbors, friends and family,
from Korea to California
heard my voice.
I screamed until the dogs in the shelters (and the sitting rooms)
yelped in alarm.
I screamed until wine glasses (and my heart) shattered into a million pieces and fell on the floor.
I screamed until my sound echoed off the mountains and caused the birds on the trees flew away in fear.
I screamed until I fell on the floor, sobbing at your feet.

I screamed at you,
I screamed at me,
I screamed at god.
And no one heard me.

You have muted my voice,
My throat is now hoarse.
But I am still screaming.

This is where I'll meet you
At the crossing of four paths
On a warm wet autumn evening
With gray rain clouds in the sky

At the crossing of four paths
The hills are full of color
The trees are hung with gold leaf
But the fields are still green

At the crossing of four paths
The birds are chirping lively
And the rain falls ever lightly
On the flowers that are dying

At the crossing of four paths
Beneath an autumn sun
At the ending of the summer
Before winter has begun

This is where I'll meet you
At the crossing of four paths

A leviathan i'm beneath my skin:swimming
bulges veiny skeleton rippling dusted morsels
of
           muscular innovations

infinite minute orbs bustling scarlet oxygen
my limbs

            w,Re'tHe my copper hugeness

i'm so tiny, in your heat, innumerable witless drips of
sweaty hours drawn long nights groaning
in your skinny monument
i'm hip and teeths and fist     and gnashing
thigh  purple delicate spiderweb of bloodshot
moans
              hey
                     VENUS and cupid a cushion for his pins

in your nudeness. i'm skin just crumbling to your fingers
           in the finite naked cells of your palm
i love you

                      darling