I close my eyes, and as sure as the wind comes with the rain, bullets come flying

Caught in the crossfire of the thoughts that I control, and the those that try to control me

And I wish

That I could turn off this, machine

because whoever said it has better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all

Had not stayed up all night thinking that maybe

You were the best thing that will ever happen to me

And that you were the world, and I could’ve explored your corners for the rest of my life

And that I just need SLEEP, and TIME, and

Sometimes I forget to eat
And I know it’s an issue but the way that memories of your smile creep
into my routine doesn’t help my appetite.

And I drink to fall asleep
And I know it’s an issue, but my mind spins like a wheel
And it numbs the things I feel

And I know that I’m wrong to miss you
I know that I’m wrong to think of bliss with you
I know that every eyelash is just a wasted wish away from another chance to
Feel again.

So I close my eyes one more time and wave the white flag
Until I fall asleep from this nightmare and wake up where real is open to interpretation

Science says I have 60,000 thoughts per day

I’d say that about half of them are
about how excited I am for lunch

Math says that I now 30,000 thoughts per day.

Not every thought can be an immaculate
conception clay-molded from consciousness

But thanks to you, they can all be of something beautiful

I struggle to say what hasn’t been said
I could go on about her for hours
My sanity was hanging by a thread
And she got inside my minds locked towers

She is more unique than the galaxy
She is more than the name she was given
Her compassion defies all gravity
this beauty, I don’t know where to begin

There are 228 recorded spellings of the name “Unique”

Each is desperate to be unrepeatable, individual, non-conformist, idiosyncratic, original, other.

She didn’t have to try: she was born to be unique.

She is as unique as the name she was given, and the one she has made for herself.

She is beautiful as the words she writes and the ideas she shares with the world

She can make you laugh so hard that you get a weeks worth of 8-minute abs and your face is crimson

She can sing so you forget the world around you as every cell in your body begs to listen to more

When you have lost your way, she will be your tether, keeping you true to yourself

She will remind you every day why out of 7 billion people you will choose her over everyone else because she.

is something else

She will love.

She will love and love and love and love and love and love and she will spread joy with her restless soul because it is too wonderful not to share

She will be herself, and that is more than enough.

Groaning grunts grows greatly
rendering respect… relinquished, reluctantly
over ostracizing only openly
without withholding weary words.

and

Lowly lessons leave larceny,
emptiness embodies, emanates, emulates
around abandoned admiration, amassed.
Recover reference, reticulate resistance
never negate nostalgia knowingly.

There is a dam in my mind
And it is slowly breaking
Memories leaking through.
And when it cracks
and the flood comes through
and I don't know what to do

I
will wish for

Peace

Peace from the war I started between what I thought was right and what I hoped might be the beginning

The beginning of the never ending
The beginning of the never sending

Messages of apology
Checking my astrology

Looking to the stars for answers
And finding dust
Sifting through my fingers

I knew it was the right love
                 But not the right time
                                And so my heart gets colder