You cast the shadow of my heart
Into the deepest pits of hell
Chained it as you set fire to gasoline
Skin melting under the intense heat
I should have said **** it
Long before I let you wrap ten fingers
Cyanide tipped nooses
Around an already cold dead artery
Pulsing blood through my veins
Filled with toxic hatred
For those pretty brown eyes
You dragged me in with
Sent me to hell
With no possibility of parol
I'm surving nine life sentences
Because I fell for you
The queen of the ******
The mistress of hell
Monarch of shattered hearts
I should have walked away
Before I drowned in the quick sand
You so joyfully called love

The motherly figure
Locked away in fumes
Smelling of skunk
The green smoke taking her away
To anywhere but here

The man of the house
Glass after glass
Of wine
*****
Beer
Even Listerine
If that is what it took
To get even a slight buzz

I sit alone
Adding another mark to the tally
Behind the mirror
Only a few more
Before it is accepted
For my life to end

The youngest
Unaware of all of the despair
In her family
The only one
Who truly smiles
In our family portrait

It's ironic
How beautiful it is
The way it flows in a thin line
Drops of pain and sorrow
That puddle up on your bathroom floor
Drained
No longer a part of you
You start to think
*"Maybe if enough is lost
The pain will go away."

I'm everything you ever wanted in a man
But I'll never be your man
Because you don't recognize the look of disgust
In eyes full to the brim of ****
I can't promise you pain
I can promise you hatred
I can promise you tears worth nothing
I can promise you a half dead smile
Wandering aimlessly in the silence of your eyes
I wish I could love you the way
My heart wants to
I wish I was yours
But I have no heart
I forgot where I left it
But I can feel it beat in my chest

Fool me once shame on me
Fool me twice shame on you
That's the saying right
But it's wrong
The jokes always on me
I'm fooled by the everyday laughter
Thinking it's with me
Not realizing it's against me
It's the silent joke
An inside little laugh
The kids around me have
Could it be their laughing at my scars
The way the blade laughs at me
When I try to hide it
The jokes always on me
I'm not the comedian
I'm the comedy
A simple commodity
They sink their teeth in just for a smile
Am I less of a man
Because of the scars
Am I less of a human
Because I don't smile properly
I have a crooked smile
That's always upside down
The jokes always on me
Because I am the joke
The laugh of the town
The little **** ****** disregard
I'm a human yet you all make me feel
Like the jokes on me
The shadows over my face
Are the shadows of your backs
Turned and whispering the joke
Giggles turn to laughter
Laughter turns to glares
Glares turn to open wounds doctors can't stitch
Yet I'm always the ******* joke
Think again
The jokes on you
I'm the one laughing
All your lives are in my hands
I have 40 pounds of C4
This mall won't stand the explosion
I'll **** you all
I'll be the one to disappear first
Laughing because the jokes on you now
You're too stupid to realize
The joke became the joker
Chock on the ash of my laughter now
I'll tear your world apart
If you survive
You'll be the one with the scars
A perfect reminder of the joke I was

Do I break secrecy
Or keep confidentiality?

One means losing a friend
So does the other

He could be gone
By a simple phone call
Driven miles away
To who knows where

He could disappear
By the flick of a knife
Into a small casket
Underneath the ground

I found something
I wasn't looking for it though

They were hidden carelessly
Next to your lighters and your getaway high

Why did you keep them?
What purpose do they serve you?

I counted them carefully
Nine, one less than whe you took them from me

I took one, and closed the drawer
What's one more going to hurt?

I promise I'll stop
Starting tomorrow

I know you'd be happier
Without all of the struggles
I've brought along
But without you
Where would I be now?

You've made me laugh
Hell, you've even made me cry
I guess opposites attract
And we're too similar
For you to think of me
Any other way
Than you do already

I'm happy
I truly am
The sky more blue
The grass more green
The only thing
That could make me happier
Is *you

I feel
        Free
                Elated
                          Happy

For the first time in
                                Days
                                         Months
                                                     Years

And I think I like it enough to stay that way

What has made me feel this way?

I do not know

Probably all of the pills

But it doesn't matter because

I'm happy

That last piece of cake
The one that everyone wants
You could have gotten a piece before it was all gone
But you waited until the last second
And then it vanished

They all wanted that piece
They wanted to save it
But someone rudely took it away
Just like that

Then, a new cake was made
Fresh with perfection
And that last piece of cake was forgotten

*Just like I was