Depression hit me harder than I'd thought this time, the loss of a brother pushed me to my end, since the day we met it was conditioned as a heart that learned from mistakes, the friends made were the stakes at high and the loss of self and gain of lesson was the turning point of a heart........and yet, he, no I dwell on the past, I drown myself in regrets of what I could've done and what I could've said, I had no idea that this would hurt, I'd no idea that my heart would ache more and more as I thought about you, I, I drowned in what other called depression, I called it drowning in your heart, I made excuses and made endless distractions abroad because I wanted to run away.......he felt the need to cope, so he bought drugs and told himself he'd be okay, he made everyday the same in his mind even though every day is meant to change, he felt his heart was tragedy and his mind was creatively crashing.......he, no, I told myself every aspect of the heart was a lesson, and every aspect of the mind was a growth, but how can that be when you drown in the unthinkable, you push yourself to see the unbelievable, he hopes for better days, endlessly knowing and knowing deeply he had no options in choice, he had no voice because fear of disappointments pushed him to sorrows.........I as a kid had no way of showing how I felt because tears were my friends and beatings were the antagonist, I threw endlessly screams and howls at the wall and tears flew, my blood flowed like it would in my body and it hurt, this boy who had endless love for change, learned pain is a must in the creative and even more so growth through pain.......he made endless quotes and endless stories endless songs and poems explaining his hopes and his sorrows as if writing a book of his life which couldn't be explained this boy became the steering wheel for a breed of children who knew hurt and put it aside to learn from what they saw, they learned what abuse was, they learned loss, when they lost themselves. And they loves to learn those adoring pretending basterds, hope for the best is what they'd say but advice given to them would not be looked upon as helpful, they had levels of pain and love which never countered their pain......so tell me the truth realizing that your heart and mind are loving and learning will you be quiet to the fact that holding him back will make the boy unhappy, wanting to grow and yet having a brick wall in the way.......telling me this boy is ambitious, yet apparently to gain and loss would he even be so......