She was, I guess, contagious.

      An epidemic to people's hearts.
      It seemed her face was everywhere,
      just as scattered as her thoughts.

She was addicted to the thrill of it.
Watching people fall.

      She would fill her syringe with their longing
      and send the needle between her toes.

It was clear she was a ******
and she knew her veins would surely burst.

      How much can you take from someone else,
      before you realize you lost your self worth?

The first time I skipped a meal, I spent the night with a gnawing pain in the pit of my stomach.
The first time I cut myself, I threw up at the sight of my own blood.
The first time I made myself sick, I cried.

The first time is always the hardest, but it only gets easier after that.

Years down the road now,
I can see the beauty in what I've done.
The breath-taking wonder found in decay.

Tonight I sit on the pavement
outside my apartment.
My fingers curl around the
rusted chain-link fence.
Sharp edges of broken wire
left cuts not nearly deep enough
on my arms when I squeezed
through the hole next to me.

I don't live anymore than the metal at my back.
Just like the fence I am merely existing.

Months from now,
my kidneys will run
the risk of failing.

Already my teeth are
stained and eroded from
stomach acid.

My bones knock against
one another from shivering,
and the pavement underneatth
me chews at my tailbone.

When someone asks for a picture of me,
I give them the grainy photograph of the hole in the fence.
Just like it I am rusting. Breaking down piece by piece.

There is beauty in dying. In the natural course of slow decay.

When doctors ask me
why I did this to myself,
I will show them the scars
on my stomach.
I'll show them my
barren womb and
protruding rib bones.

I'll tell them that in trying to be perfect, I found what we're all really looking for.

I discovered that we're
born to die, and that
the beauty of life is
our slow descent into
the darkness of death.

I just want to put my lips on you.
I want you to feel what my kiss feels like against your skin.
You're beautiful on the out and you're
Beautiful on the in
Beautiful
Like a sun kissed beach in the dead of winter,
Like a leech
I will shed you of your skin and **** you down to the ocean and encourage you to swim
Dive in.
Like Trey Songz, but you're sexier.
The *** will be messier
-because I'm so attracted to you
Linguistically attached to you-
Borderline infatuated
Suspended in poetic serenity.
I just want to put my lips on you.
I want you to feel what my kiss feels like against your skin.
I want to worship you in places that God would surely tell me were unholy and forever-more my temple will be barricaded with sin
And I'll tell God,
Tonight, I am not Christian.
Tonight, I want to make devilishly passionate love to you
Tonight
You will feel my lips against your skin.

Everyday, when going to school, I always sat behind you on the bus.
I could hear what you talked about with Megan (boys, pop stars, glitter and pink... you know, that kind of things).
I would listen to know what to talk about with you, what you liked, so you could like me back. Oh, how I liked you.
I really liked you, and, even though we were young (13 to be exact), I knew you were the one.

Years went by. We grew up. You got even more beautiful while I got... well, not better.
Guys would follow you around everywhere you went. How I wish they all disapeared.
I was still too shy to tell you, to let you know what I had been feeling for years, since we first met. And one day I did.
I put on my nicest clothes to school. I put cologne on. I even got you a bouquet of roses, and I went to school convinced to tell you what I felt for you.
Much to my surprise you told me these exact words: "I've been waiting for you to tell me this for years. What took you so long?".
I couldn't believe my ears.
The most popular girl in school, the prettiest, was telling ME that she liked ME back.
I mumbled. I stuttered. I choked on my own words.
Luckily you knew what to do.
You leaned over to me, and kissed me, with those sweet, smooth lips of yours. I was in heaven.
A kiss so warm, so passionate, so full of love. I could never forget that kiss.
So we started going out. We would go to the movies, to the mall, for a cup of coffee or for a nice ice cream.
We didn't care where we were as long as we were with each other. We were happy... oh, so happy.
Until that fateful day.
You were over at Megan's. I was with my friends.
My phone rang, and I picked up just to hear your voice, that sweet, comforting voice I've always liked, turned into an awful, saddened weep.
You kept repeating "I'm so sorry.". I asked what was wrong, but you'd only say "I really am so sorry.". Then you hung up.
I drove over to Megan's, but you were already gone.
You left a message for me with Megan though. "She said to leave her alone. Don't call her. Don't look for her. Don't even talk to her in school."
I was devastated.

Not sure of what was going on I went to your place, and there you were, crying... in his arms.
I should have known from the way you smelled like him. The way you were away when I talked to you.

I rang the bell. When the door opened it wasn't you but him.
I said "Hi. Is Amanda home?", and proceeded to break his nose.
He threw a punch at me, and missed.
I hit him hard in the stomach, and then his head. Out cold... and bleeding.
You were screaming. Panicking.
I walked up to you while you walked away from me.
You eventually got cornered up, and sat on the floor crying, asking "What do you want?".
I crouched, and asked "So, is he a good guy? Does he know how to treat such a treat like you? Is he better than me?"
No response. Only weeping.
I got up, and headed to the door.
He was still waiting for me there, laying out cold on the floor.
He was so vulnerable, so I kicked him in the head. I kicked him so hard his spine actually snapped. He sacrificed himself for love.
I turned around to see you shocked. Horror flooded your eyes.
You were shaky, you couldn't stand, you couldn't speak. You were lost in the situation.
I walked up to you again. This time you did get to say, or actually, scream "Get away from me!".
"Ohh, but I only want to comfort you for your loss. This must be a great hit for you." I said as I wrapped my arms around your neck, and hugged you.
You fainted.

When you woke up, here you were, in my house.
You said you had made a terrible mistake. That I was, and would always be, the only one for you.
I forgave you immediately. You know I just can't live without you.
And so here we are, still together.
We've been through the worst, and now we've only got our love to live because I'd love you even after you're gone.
You'll always be with me.
When I kiss your dry lips. When I touch your cold skin. When I see into your empty eyes I know I will never have to kiss you goodbye.

docking on the fringe of a dry spot
the rain died in...
i set sail in solemn siroccos, fraught
with endive and lemons...
no chop. flat listing in the leaning theme
impervious to words lost
my ship dips in clean drink
and dark thought.

away, my anchor prods starboard
planks of salt wood...
clangs in a grog of lurching halt
raw *****. mauve tossed - and shriek blind.
a pennant of mock cause.
a scant curl of smoke, seized
in unseasonable Hypnos.
a whimsical Charybdis -
a thing i choke on.
i scoff
cough a terrible pen
my inkwell, topped off
with black pond,
quill qualms
of love's
dross.

the serenity of my tempest
and the skipping stone it cracked,
now, white sharks, prowling the yonder
of the nearby,
in debt to a far gone, yawning
rings,-
concentric to the naked eye, you clothe not.
lest the raiment be
the Emperor's
new lot.

A Stitch of Odyssey In Epic Fail...
to get more gone, but less lost

a journey of a single step
begins because... and
just because
you stop

stopping.

Forever and always.
The promise we made,
but who would have known that forever had an end?

I won't say I hate you.
Truth is I don't.
Why do we promise what we can't do?

"I love you forever and always (while it lasts)."
The phrase was there, but left untold.
Now I know this is as far as it goes.

Now go. Don't look back.
After all it was you who decided on this.
I won't stop you. I couldn't even if I tried.

I'm fine. Don't you worry about me.
I'm still there if you need me.
Just call my name.

No hard feelings. No regrets.
I really did love you forever and always...
while it lasted.

Today. I feel
Hopeless.
Empty.

I lust after your attention.
Please, crave me
in the way
that I
crave

Your present, your future,
your heart, your soul.

I am sick but
I cannot find
the cure for this
infection:
you.