Your heaven has failed me
On the days when I felt loading up the dish washer was a
Personal assault on my psyche
Your god has-
Run me over with his fists too many times
And made me believe it was paternal pat’s on the back
All the-
Pain I was feeling,
You carry the gravel in your teeth
To make sure its full of grit,
When you speak,
I say;
“you’re full of ****”

You say im just weak for the things
That have made me unholy.
I am weak for the things that have unbroken me.
These words are shrapnel
You let them sink into our skin there is no more dirt to chew
I will spend my last moments
Holding onto the ******* noose
I’m going down swinging
And if that means I’ll hang
So be it
There are worst ways to die

I know
Because I’ve died before

Nothing special happens. Ya’ll can stop dreaming.

Kindness isn’t supposed to taste so bitter
Being saved
Isn’t supposed to hurt so much
You-
Never knew how much the night sky despised the daylight
Until you moved to a country where it gets longer every year
You never knew how kind
The sun was to your skin-
Ive got tan lines where my noose used to swing
It took me three years to untie myself
And I still have scars

Whether they will be there or not in a few more years
I guess ill stick around and see just
How much ive
lost

5 days till pay day.
finger crossed.
hope high.
Just make it by.

i made love to myself
on the bed where
we used to sleep
next to each other
just last summer

at first,
to get myself off,
i imagined random men and women in my life
pushing against me
pleasing me

Then,
your face
and your body
intruded into my soft and vulnerable mind

and my moans
quickly turned into
very different sounds

and I felt tears in my eyes

I started to sob
my body grew limp
and i exhaled, pulling out of myself

turning onto my side, pulling the blankets over my body


the makeup from last night running into my eyes

I sobbed

because you are more beautiful
than i

and although months
(which felt like years)
have gone by

I still miss you
                       like we said goodbye
only yesterday


and my fingers
are ugly and sharp
compared to your

gentle slender ******* hands.

annie told me
              that she saw you

the day before you left.

and that she had taken a minute
to
  ask you
         if you missed
                      me.

"so, what did he say?"
i inquired,
my heart beating out of my chest


but she wouldn't tell me.

I can only guess.

and i think yes and no are both equally plausible responses

so i have no idea.
i only know that i miss you

every morning when i wake up

and you're not in that bed with me.

So
I guess
I will stop here
to avoid redundancy

I wrote poem after poem after poem for you

when all was said and done
you had a stack of my words and carefully thought out phrases to your name

words that did nothing but express
how much I loved being near you

i loved your musky scent and
the way your hands felt wrapped around my neck

I loved that you never turned me down,
like i was a dog forever begging for your attention

i was the puppy

and you were the disaster

we were both engraved in each others' lives,
living as though tomorrow would never exist

and when tomorrow finally showed its ugly head,
we told it to go **** itself

and we would stay in bed all day
then drive to the coffee shop
and smoke cigars while the maple leaves fell to the ground.


I remember how,
I remember your skin

your skin is my fondest memory
i used to live there,
in your wondrous skin


the tips of your fingers
were soft and forgiving

while the skin on your back was
indescribable

i would trace my name onto your hips with my tongue

and i would run my fingers over your flesh

the softness of it would make a person believe in heaven,
although we would tell heaven to go **** itself.

when you got excited

you would press against me
something long and hard
resting against my belly button

because you were so tall.



and there were moments
when we would be in the very thick of it,
me on top of you
moaning into your ear,
not caring that the sheets were ***** or that you had a paper to write

we would plunge into each other
and i would pull out,

mid-gasp

to look into your gorgeous eyes

and lie to you