Well...first I'd probably pay off all my student loans

And with the rest of the $10, i don't know.....

Chipotle or taco bell maybe?

When all that once felt natural fades into black
it's time to shed the cloak of the forgotten
changing back into the pristine
...only to find obsidian mist and a lost soul there

Shame raised her head to seek

Only to find the forbidden gone
absent from all that once was
there was no choice but to fall
asleep in the opaque web they weaved

Sun kisses the moon good night

She walks thru unknown emotions
visions of a dark misty forest
her heart turns stone cold
each memory offering no solace

Seeking once more who she once was

Fighting to be anything to anyone
graceful love so true now bitter
chasing colorless rainbows of fake promises
trying to forget he thought of her as nothing

Time to shed the cloak of dying.....

Waking from a dream to the empty

Perhaps I should blame
my inner demon for how
complicated my mind has become

this uneasiness with the easiness
of stress free living

and maybe I've lived in the present
long enough to know what is to come

living in the present is like
sailing on the bright blue ocean,
the beauty is everywhere,
surrounds you, wind in your face,
the sun on your skin,
cool spray across the deck
while the boat gently rocks

yet an uneasiness calls from below,
a black bilge pump and drain with
leaky seals, and deeper still
the ocean depths, cold, dark,
and suffocating

that which lurks below is more
real than whats above

I'm taking on water,  
its only a matter of time before
the boat goes down

I'm acutely aware of what
it feels like to drown

The past encroaches on the present,
fills it with painful regret

while the beautiful bright
blue slips away

I wish I could explain it better

I'm in a vicious cycle
of contradicting regret

there's a storm on the horizon

a leak in the boat

everything that exists below
is darkness come upon me,

I feel it in my gut at
this very moment,
right now, right here,
an impending doom,
my own little apocalypse

retrospect and regret
they never go away

today is nothing more than
tomorrow's yesterday and
I am continually being shamed by
that which I am already ashamed of

I'm in a vicious cycle
of contradicting regret

and I embrace it

because its the only thing I know to do






.