We must have all been there and not known
that childhood is outgrown

If I fall
when I fell
behind the scribbles
I made
I will dwell

and in the house made from a cornflake box
I will take off my socks and bite my toenails,

which we all did at one time
a long time ago

Shingles
sounds like something you'd dance to
sadly not.

The music goes on
into the longest of nights,
the days become blurs
when your eyesight is shot

but dance anyway
there are more bullets in the gun.

Miracles
or debacles.

A tale
Damocles looking pale
the sword is about to cut
and there but for the Grace
of God
go I,

then
into the valley where the shadows grow on trees
crawling on arthritic knees
to
please this God of Grace
whose face
I do not know.

Jenny got a shotgun and went looking for her spouse
she knew he was with other girls,
she knew he was a louse

and it was quite surprising
that when she did surprise them
she shot the woman with him

because Jenny was in love with a cheater of a man
didn't matter what he did
and she got used to that

and he?
well
Joey was a player although not with a full pack
he kissed the girls and tried to get them back to his
council flat,
( the one that Jenny didn't know about )

he wasn't much to look at
but the gift of the gab was his

did Jenny ever know
did Jenny even care?
what did Jenny do
when
Joey wasn't there?

..and so
this is the category
they put me in

and me, the dozy sod
that I am, thought
a category
was  a place for old dogs to go
and learn new tricks.

For a pick-me-up
they sent a JCB
you've put on weight
they tell me

another category
or a pigeonhole?

I was thinking of coffee,
it wasn't thinking of me

I'll have tea
it'll be
camomile

in a while
which was slightly less than a minute
the kettle boiled dry
I forgot to put water in it,

Polly never had that problem,
don't remember Polly?

ask Alexa

She is still my
Marie Antoinette
and I
am forever in
her debt.

This may preclude me
from any form of
objectivity

but I don't care.

Just hanging there
in the air
as if queueing up
to go somewhere.

clouds are funny things.

Either one
pain or pleasure
we treasure
each
for the memory.

Cry?
we could
or we could laugh,

emotions
just the rush of the ocean
that runs through us all.

It could be a day for boating
for
floating off over the sea,
it could also rain.

I watch the sunrise like I used to
in fact
that's my favourite go-to
and the older I get
the more that I wait
to make sure that I see
the sunset.

What have we seen?
the death of a Queen
the rise of the King,
has the fat woman sang?
then the game's not over.

One day
they'll put me away
and they'll say
it's for his own good,

fukin liars
watch who's on the watch list,

Oh yeah,
by the way
or the wayside
or any
side you sleep on,

when you get old, older
you might wonder,
if it was worthwhile,

was that smile,
wide enough
did you
give of yourself
enough?
more than enough?

he wipes his face
with a white napkin
wondering if and when
you'd ever begin
to face the truth.

This is Summer?
I want a refund.

No sand, no sea,
nothing to do but to wait
and be
disappointed.

It's not like it's rocket science is it?
the seasons turn
and the sun comes out,
oh
maybe it's got a headache
in which case
I shall commiserate
and get drunk

Eventually
I expect I'll end up with a cat
and that as they say will be that,

slippers on
lights off
an aching back
a rasping cough
and kitty
looking like a stray
that thinks itself pretty

and I'll have a cat flap
which will snap back
when the cat
decides to go out on
the town
and
me
in a dressing gown
staying home.

Where are you now and why
what did these lips do
did they make you...?

they said that someone from the East,
would take me
and with me, they'd feast,

what happened
did I do something wrong?

daydreams and nightmares
they all scare me,
She,
soothes away the aches.

Today nearly done for me
and I cannot for the life of me
think why,

I should be slapped with a wet kipper
and get the next ship out
but
I'll probably hang about
if only to see
how long the drop from the
yardarm is.

Can you believe it
how we bought into it
masked up
locked in
and all the time
it was malicious spin.

Even the woke barely knew
Who
was ******* you.

In the past
when some didn't last
and some lost a loved one
some
carried on and carried off
the family silver.

Who got a yacht?
not me

millions in the bank?
not me

who went to jail?
not me

and not one of them
either.

I never thought that I'd think it was this way,
that the road would be
crowded and worn

however
being born has its advantages.

I can see what the weather is doing
I can take Petra my dog for a stroll
I can lay on my back and look at the stars
until my eyes start to roll.

Is it possible that we are all visions on the screen where we're seeing ourselves, are we ghosts in the cameras that catch us, are we books that are up on a shelf,
when the coders get tired do they switch off and then switch on again just for fun, are we repeating lines in this poetic time
or glitches within the rewind?

I wonder if it is me that's wondering or a floating point ready to sink.

are we X =10 =zero
are we Ahab in search of the whale
are we Jonah who's already been there
and if it's all true then why should we care.

Reading adverts for Christmas Markets in Poland, thinking I might go and join in the fun, I'm also a little bit wary of aeroplanes I think they're a tad too scary and there's no option to travel by road or sea, there is only the aeroplane, think I might be a stay at Johnny this Christmas, do my shopping at Tesco Express, try that buy two get one free thing which is like get more and pay even less.

But we all know that Christmas takes longer than forever or we did do when we were all young, so *** it I'll stop reading adverts and go out and sit in the sun.

If it's only a finite equation
between you and the current situation,
what the fuckya worried for?

i have settled for less
and escaped to be more
so
whattya **** ya worried for?

there's a world out there and it's waiting
for you and you're hesitating
do you wanna be
like I used to be
fukin useless?

only asking.

If you're waiting for the sun
Could you move on
and make some room?

Soon it'll be Autumn and before you know it
the snow will hit
Christmas and Santa for a bit
then the new year
which basically is the old year
with a new number.

Spring but maybe not in your step,
the daffodils will make you forget
and if they don't
there's always Captain Morgan.

Every day
something to
rise up above and
muddle through.

Holding on to things
that burn you,
burn you
get rid of them.

dried up and shrivelled
scoring eight and of late
I've been wavering and
not putting the work in
on myself and there's only
myself to blame, thinking
that if the sun ever shone
it's long gone,

but letting go
is the way to go

there should be
more signposts.

I was doing that promenade thing
watching the waves hit the shore to make the shingle sing
and life became a musical which I was starring in.

But I usually as I have always done
wake up just before the sun
see the dream as it drifts away
and rise into another day.

Hey, listen in
they haven't got a clue who you are
you could be
the Shah of Iran
a Prince of Persia
but
they're fooling ya

eyes in the sky are blind
they don't have eagle vision
and if you believe that they do
you've been watching too much
television.

they work on the premise
that you must be guilty
and filter out
the ones that they don't
want to see.

I'm only here to remind you
that they will try to blindside you,

keep your eyes wide open

Not first or second and I don't believe third but it's Sunday and Sunday's the word,
so we all will win, he says,  with a Cheshire Cat grin,
but there was a time when we had to earn our place,
which is a bit like the cat, long gone

and hardly anyone remembers him or his grin.

I phoned the
NHS
helpline
today

one of the questions they asked was
'are you home alone?'
and
apparently,
'yes, but I'm married'
wasn't the right answer.

No one can carry the weight of the World
upon their shoulders

Atlas.

hold my beer.

What if we don't come back
and what's what is that.
finished,
lights diminished?

hurdles to jump
while the heart still pumps
and the stomach is still filled
with butterflies.

Every time in every rhyme,
She,
keeps me going.

4 hours later they turn up
which is a turn up for the books,
when dear daughter and Co read this
they'll be giving me ***** looks

which might turn up sooner
than they did.

Still
one cannot complain
unless you're grumpy
like me
and another thing
they'll be getting
no ****** tea.

Nice to see them though
even if their watches do run slow.

I could have gone fishin'

We haven't just gone off-script
we ripped it all up
and set fire to it

and so we start
not at the very beginning
otherwise, that would be a song
and wrong on so many levels.

Later when the words settle down
and the stars light up the sky
when the fireflies start to dance
only then
we might wonder why
everything has to be difficult
everything has to be hard
when
it all could be so easy

says he
who made easy his gaol

it would have been his goal
but he couldn't spell.

What if we had already got there and didn't know
but just kept on going and asking, are we there yet?

you get old and you get set in your ways
I'm about as set as a strawberry blancmange
still wondering if I've got there yet.

We must have
forgotten
someone
anyone
no one?

well then we'll go on
thinking that
we've forgotten
something
anything
nothing?

and the clock does a handstand
at half past six
I stumble to the table
and have two Weetabix
it's usually three,
but me
I'm forgetful
and forgot to buy more,

at seven twenty four
I close the front door
on my way out
wondering what next.

Even at this time
as dawn is breaking
I am crumbling
back into dust
and
I know that this has been done before
falling and picking myself up off the floor,

it's only
a state of the country I live in
this body that fails and yet still keeps on giving,

I'm sweating
perhaps
it's the fear of not getting
or the shame of having
while others have not.

It must have been someone I knew
or someone who knew me,
but now I don't have a clue who it was
and neither does he.

I know you, becomes, knew you
and you look at the clock
wondering what?

I wondered where this was going
but jumped off before the end.

They tell you that life is liveable
but the air is barely breathable
I don't think that I'm being unreasonable
to want things to be a little better.

Can't swim in the sea for the sewage
this must be what they call the new age,
the green field sites are being built on
and soon
there'll be no flamin' trees left to swing on.

Childhood's no good for the children
they have to grow up so quickly to
get a foot on
and the ladders are all made in China.

Shot by an assassin
who was then shot by a ******
and here I shall wipe a
tear from my eye.

My chakras are shagged
I should be body-bagged
but
it'll get better and I'll get better,
I better or there's a letter going
to the Times.

When you're peeping through your fingers and afraid of what might linger as the night goes through the storm drains and the morning wakes you up from one more dream that you mistook for real life down in the subways where the distant sounds of coughing and the smell of cheap tobacco carries across the breeze that's blowing through the window you left open but you know that you can cope with what the daylight has to offer so you rise and make a coffee, a slice of toast and then you're out and as the day goes on forgetting that it woke you from a nightmare and the heart within you beats and feels like horses in a fairground
you see the ghost train in the corner with a man stood on the platform throwing ***** to knock down tin cans on a shelf that's far too narrow, the butler sees it all and if you drop a coin into him he will show you all the things you've never known.

In the Autumn when Summer
is one more memory
what will become of me?

not yet the melody of a harp,
not while my heart still beats,

but the seasons turn like the tide
and we, the wide oceans
must return to
the shore.

It was a choice
between
Bombay mix
and
Mumbai mix
and
we know which one
they went for.

poking the bear here,
but
Mumbai's for the fun guys
and Bombay's for the good days
when you have to take your pick.

think I need an Elixir
a fixer
but not a
***** with a mixer
far too early for that.

Stay connected they told the young me, but later the older me suspected the reasoning behind this was that they wanted control,
so the old me disconnected from what I saw and let them see a new me and they didn't like that.

Outside their loop, it was more difficult but not impossible, I just needed a new frame of reference or to connect off-grid to an off grid connection.

we get to where we should be when the time is right which is a truth we cannot fight.

I'm tuned in now
and on the right frequency
where static doesn't bother me
and
She turns the dial.

Somebody pressed start and now it's ******* it down,

somebody shouts
turn that frown upside down
and that somebody can go and
do one.

distressed
like I'm a piece of old furniture
waiting for a makeover.

My secret weapon gets me
locked and loaded.

so
they call for an ambulance
to give the man a fighting chance
and I'm eyeing up the *****.

Jingle
Jingle
to the bar,
but the money
in your pocket
won't go far
or maybe
they only
take credit cards.

Are we lost in the burrows that we borrowed from the hollows of our cheeks and if we are, are there echoes of the past?

Dig for gold
dig 'til you're old
you'll still be holding the *****.

If we're all lost then lost must be a place,
familiar but fleeting
and if we're found wanting we'll
join the long queue at the food bank.

Page 42 should give me a clue
but I used that to roll my last cigarette.

I was sat on the fence or
was I sat on the fence?
doubting my senses
dropping all pretence now
feet on the ground now
and
people mill around me,
harks back here to
the cotton reels inside me

and all that industry
still moves beside me,
trudging feet and the smell
of stale tobacco
women with headscarves
going to the thrift stores
sores and chilblains
who are we to blame now?

not the fukin overseers
because we all know that they're saints,

back at home and a bath by the hearthside
cotton reels still spinning deep down inside me
what would I be now if not for all the industry?

I'd be free.

A million years ago or yesterday whichever one came first was when I burst the bubble blown and threw out the things I'd always known and took my giant leap which may have been a stumble but either way, leap or stumble, I moved away and watched my history crumble,

a good move,
nay
a great move.

and I was moved to write
to drop the words down from the night that never was except for in the darkest of my days

and sometimes I tumble into bed, not so drunk that I can't hear the quiet voices in my head and sometimes I just watch the ceiling feeling kind of happy and kind of happy is a sort of happy that comes with no catches.

She matches my mood
I cook for her some food
and we sit to say grace,

sometimes her face is all that I see
even in the mirror that should reflect me
it is her and always will be.

and what would you prefer
here or over there on their side
of the divide?

The gap widens
Biden's still here though
so is Trump
and where I come from they say
'ecky thump'
oh
goodie.

I can't remember who's at number 10
they change Prime Ministers more often than
I change my underwear
but at least my ****** are constantly clean
washed in the Hotpoint washing machine,

things still look like we are living the dream,
as we beg off the strangers who pass by.

Well,
I worked my fingers to the bone
came home and relaxed
the fact is
I am jiggered and work triggers
my gag reflex,

the old fashioned is freshly made,
the chaise is where I'm laid and
I won't be rising anytime soon.

Not even Friday yet but I'm set for it
and ready to get to it.

The young ones are staying for a few days
so I can't really laze like I usually do
must get up and do
or at least pretend to do.

I'm older and somehow
being here and now
is somewhat tiring.

I can't believe it's not time to go home
said me every time I go to work.

Time is a 'field of dreams'
if we filled it, it will come.

There's only so much a man can do
before his wife says,
Here, I'm going to show you how.