Mondays have a tang to them,
I'm
not thinking of a dynasty
just musing on a mystery.

Getting old is like being told that age is just a number.

Young people like to tell old people that as if it's a fact, I attract young people, they must think I'm so gullible

I'm fukin Gulliver or Moby ****
take your pick.

In London
they don't care
i
could be
Fred or Ginger
having a binge
and they
would be none
the wiser.

You
stick your face in the iPhone
and hope that someone will
call you
and in case they don't
there's always the Compact,

ask your mother
She'll tell you.

because She called time
told me
it was bedtime
and why should I complain?

each time a fascination
to which I make a
dedication,

oh jesus,
they gonna make me a saint
and
if they aint they should.

There is silence in the canyon where the cannon used to thunder, is there time to reconsider before I finally go under,
the answer's not forthcoming and the time is running out as I look back at it all and still don't know what it's about.

I shall eat chips and fish and peas
and go to bed at whatever time I please
get the operation that fixes up my knees,

She's not listening.

If you take as you find you find you don't mind
how ridiculous things become.

I'm home early,
can't say it worries me
because
work will be the death of me
and I wonder if I'll know.

well
I skipped to my Lou
didn't realise it was
square dancing though.

songs that they might have
but never did
so we got rid of them
and now
we're the old men
watching the young men
and thinking
little ******* if I was only
fifty years younger
but then
where would that take us?

She looks at me
like
she's looking at a tree

woodenly

my stomach still knots
and
the butterflies still fly
seems like I am still
that
kind of guy
so
I'll be skipping to my Lou,
until the skipping is through.

yippee ki-yay

I had a quick look-see
but today doesn't look
like it's looking for me

incognito
is the place to be
it's a bit like Poundland
'clear up on aisle three'

She says,
have you seen it's raining?
I asked
if that was a film at the cinema
She's on about the weather
I asked her whether..
..She said
No.

Incognito
I go there often.

There'll be clapping and cheering
someone get the beer in
there is football on the telly tonight.

I have employment
and
get the greatest enjoyment
in telling you that
because
I'm not too fond of soccer
I'd sooner watch milk turn sour,

so I'll be toiling away
and not watching
the match of the day

let me know who wins.

If you have been adversely
affected by the results
of a recent General Election
I just wanted to let you know
that you may be
one of those
entitled.

Well done to the winners
which
is not us
whoever won.

We will go on until the going on is gone and then someone will win again and it won't be us and that's how it will always be forever and ever ah, but this isn't a prayer or is it?

but just in case it is
Amen.

I'll have to get my hair cut
ruled out the wrists and throat
and
aiming for a more settled look,

until I saw the fukin prices
jeezuz crisis
now
I'm thinking to let my hair grow,
put it in a ponytail
add a bow
and a couple arrows?
oh
not that kind of bow.

ok.

Some call it a
General Election.

I prefer the term
Clinical Trials.

There was a time when a cottage pie
came with its own cottage, but now?
now?
nothing, nada,
times sure is getting harder

so it's back to eating shepherds?
shepherds pie
in case you were worried.

time for more tablets
said no Moses
never.

We shoot the pigeons
pollute the oceans
and
destroy the forests
and then harp on about
how wonderful nature is.

Oxygen tanks
concrete and steel
a flashlight for sunlight
and how would that feel?

pretty **** I'd imagine.

I don't have to be woke
to be awake to the possibility
that if this carries on
it'll be progress that is
killing me.

I got parole from my job role
they let me out two hours early
they're probably thinking,
he'll soon be late
and we'll have to go to the wake

well
wake up sugarplum
if you come you come
but I won't be there
I'll be treading the boards
elsewhere.

*** it
I ain't doing too bad
for an old rustbucket
I might need an oil change,
otherwise
I'm good to go.

All I'm saying is
George McCrae
has a lot to answer for.

It's not the past that rankles
it's the manacles on your ankles,

come on
get with the program
sixpence from all good booksellers.

he rattles on
figures from a
past long gone

on his door,
a sign that reads
do not disturb.

you floating through
the things I would do
but that's another story.

As I recall
it only gets to be complicated
when you become a teenager,
anything else
is just the way it is.

Those eyes that shimmer
make me shiver,
anticipation
is the best.

On a hot day
from a distance
everyone shimmers

isn't it good to know
that
everyone has the glow
about them.

Sunday comes along with priests and nuns and the sun's nowhere to be seen.

I wanted a second opinion, they gave me the third degree

I wanted to see what the holy one saw and they only showed me the door.

and there we have it
it's becoming a habit.

..and you know
that it'll never be
that way again,
but
this way is okay
not so much a way
as a pathway
which is more than likely
the right way

I think so
therefore
that might be so

..and so is not
a needle pulling thread
whatever you may think.

Funny how we all produce,
and
it may be some attraction
to those who love
production
but
we're being reduced into
'Pulp Fiction'
and
fed into the furnace.

I was looking for something to write
and I had hoped it would be happy
but
it's only truthful and sad
if
you believe that sort of thing.

Buy a one Euro house
in a one horse town?

not on your Nelly
not even on my Nelly

belly laughs from the chapel
because there's always a chapel
even in a one horse town.

Anyway
too much red tape
and from that
there is
no escape.

and you'd need to learn the lingo
meet the council
because there's always one of them
Saturday night and not even a disco'
head for the chapel, a game of bingo,

not on your Nelly.

another kook.

thinks I'm so clever
until I spot the odd socks
which are only odd when not paired up
hmm
an analogy to the single life,

see
think's I'm a
clever little canary
but
I'll end up down the pits
smelling gas.

Saturday
and there's no rocket
can't be science then
it
must be Sunny.

Scary thoughts.
( bedtime in Bedlam)

when they switch the machine off
and my lights go out
I'll still be able to see you.

We expect a reject and that's what we'll elect, there's something in Latin about that but I can't remember what.

Montana always sounds like the place to be
wide and open and possibly free,
it can't be any worse than this
or can it?

they got shot of
the
Blackfeet
the Chippewa
the
Little Shell Chippewa,
the Kootenai,
the Pend d'Oreille
the Salish, the Crow,
the Sioux and the Cree
I think they might think
of getting shot of me.

I'm gone fishin'
if anyone asks.

ta da
and that is that.

I haven't put the radio on
She said
'you're getting fat'
and so
I'm wearing shrink-wrap plastic
in our high-rise council flat.

it might work better
if I wore a sweater
but
I'm already sweating

getting into the shower is
going to be fun.

inter..what's the word?
you decide
but I thought action, ha
you naughty boys and girls.

I'm dropping my aitches
better than dropping my britches,
She laughs
which is music to my ears.

mine?
like a nuclear bomb
a magnitude of eight
but
I knew it'd be great.

Sunshine sometimes beats Moonshine
in a game of rock, paper, scissors.

aye here I be
waiting to see
what tomorrow brings.

'put him down'
shouts the clown at the back
no one listens
either to him or to me,

waiting to see
what tomorrow brings.

You can feel it in your water
and if you can't
then you oughta

this is going to be
a magnificent day,
six other cowboys
agree with me.

Get up there
get out there
and
do your thing,
this day
can only bring you
happiness

It was the telephone ringing that brought me back
bringing with it a touching of memory,
a conversation from '73
but the phone's gone along with '73
murdered in its sleep by new technology

*****
iPhones me
Sam sings to me
I could be going gaga
and it's only Thursday.

we became the elephants in the room and didn't know it.

for **** sake
so what
if it's melting
the tarmac
it'll make no difference
the council will still show their
hesitance
in doing anything useful
like
addressing a problem.


useless don't cover it
horse ****
might.

You always know what you think you want until you get what you wished for,
oh!
different fukin story then
you put pen to paper and you want to scarper
but the handcuffs are on so you have to go on and you make believe it's make believe and believe me that's not friggin' easy,

you knew and you always do
a recurring theme
She,
in a *******,,
are old men still allowed to have them?

It's the voyage
the vista
the roller coaster and
the twister
it's being young in body
and in mind.

If Michael Finnigan had been clean-shaven
he wouldn't have had all that trouble with the wind.

that was random
but most things are.

Earlier
I did some studying
buddying up to clever folks
and they can be hard to find
but
I persevered and moved up the
playing field

next thing you know
I might
have a certificate to show
but don't hold your breath,
death does that for you
quite well.

here I am
thinking of a beer
and what should appear?
a cup of camomile tea
She
hands it to me with a smile on her face
She
obviously doesn't know about the case
hidden under the bed.

It's true
that when it goes beyond a joke
you'll find yourself in Bridlington
or even worse
Benidorm.

I woke only to be awake,
shaking the sleep from my eyes where I keep
the windows to my soul.

it's a
funny feeling, waking, when you don't feel wide awake,
those first steps you take, like floating, and the coating
on your tongue, the residue of too much ***.

but I get on with my ablutions
shave with a sword edged blade
wait on pins in the kitchen
until the tea is made.

Wednesday and I'm dying
not unusual, I've done it before
then
I blow her a kiss from the hallway
and let myself out of the door.

How's it going so far is as far as I can see.

Melting but felt in a good place,
the day blurred in front of me
and
shadows rose to greet me.

I finished work but not before
work had finished me,
got home to a cold beer
from She
and
that was super nice.

Tired not sleepy
sounds like the call of
waving not drowning
but
I'm down with it.

Thou Shalt Not,
and that was it
but not what?
not a whatnot
because I know what that is
but not what?
I'm not sure of.

Everything confuses
when it chooses.

Anyway
I heeded the message
and it leadeth me not
into temptation
but temptation funnily enough
is
what I got

Thou Shalt Not,
became redundant
and I already know
how that feels.

it must be Tuesday.
it was when I awakened
usually I just awake,
but today is special.

Grammarly goes apoplectic
which is
as far as I know
somewhere in Canada
or it should be.

I need more coffee,
strong and black,
a lot more caffeine
to stop me from falling
right back to sleep.

She says
are you at it again?
I have no idea
what She means.

It's catching up on me,
YES!
time is a worthy adversary.

It'll win in the end
but the race goes on
and
the clock still watches
the long shadows.

Only fear and onions can make me cry.

I could have been there
sat in a deckchair
licking an ice cream
but where was I?
I
was toiling away
and this day
wasn't meant for that.


I have to consider this carefully
work hard and be tired
or live bored and carefree.

It's another trap
I see that,

The results of the general election
may give me a sense of the direction
to take
meanwhile
my bones ache
which is of no consequence
in the grand scheme of things.

Wow
that was a hot one
and I woke in a
cold one
so
it's shower time
which is like show time
without the show
when you know your
time's up.

This is what tires me
and me from the Shires
She
says
two sugars in mine,

I put the kettle on
feeling a bit like
Polly.

Sunday and I said a prayer, and why,
because I care?
and so I'm as sure as water runs its course
that the horse I bet on will get on famously.

Finished early and I know that they know that I've gone
and I know too that work will carry on without me
probably quite splendidly,

I'm not getting worked up anymore
about getting worked up at work

I am
you are
we all can be
replaced
and
very easily.

but tomorrow I work the early shift
they think that it's hard but to me
it's a gift.

I'm going sleeping
it would have been fishing
but it's after nine of the clock.

But at least you've gotta job

yeah suppose so
but
having a job means you gotta work
even on the warmest days

yeah
but at least you've gotta job.

I talk to myself until I'm blue in the face
and Suddenly I become,
Mr Marvellous.

My thanks to Roger Hargreaves

That North, South divide is by my reckoning about two hundred years wide and is not narrowing, unlike my arteries which probably are.

Of course, my compass may be off by about a century and as dead reckoning was never my forte you'll have to forgive me the error of my ways.

I did hear tell that Yorkshire's the place to go when there's nowhere else to go but I wouldn't know because I'm a Lancashire-bred thoroughbred.

that's it
for now
but
it usually is.

and suddenly or as suddenly as it can be in the twenty first century
it was Sunday

not really fair I thought rather unfairly as we're only twenty four years into it and there's a fair ways to go,
fore,
shouts the golfer
and rather unfairly I write him off the fairway.

ridiculous?
stick around it will get worse.

The sky is a surly looking grey
and that's because
it's my day off and let's spoil
it for him

they're promising sunshine
almost as if it's a promise of
mass extinction
forceful
and we will believe it.

I'm heading to Waterloo
and
might meet up with
Napoleon
or
if I'm really lucky
I might catch a train that's
on time,

life's all about the battle
it's
either the baby or the death rattle

there's hardly enough time to enjoy
the scenery.

The bathroom mirror needs a good talking to, it started by showing me a face which said, 'good lord John, is that you, what a dreadful thing to see.
it may have been watching me take a ***.

I'd give it a smack but the **** thing would crack and that'd be seven years of bad luck for me

Anyway
I'm going to fix it for good, nail some wood over it and it won't see me again.

It'll never happen She says as she happens on by,
Why? I reply
because you're too vain
She says
and She may have point.

But
the mirror is yackety
always smiling back at me
and it still needs a slap.

The river still flows
albeit sluggishly
the sea still gives me
Mal de Mer
and I put that down to
all the plastic waste
in there.

On a lighter note
which
floats in the air
mixed up with
chem' trails everywhere
it's a lovely day
for making hay
or for baking cakes,
whatever takes your fancy.

Reflections that shimmer
along the walls,
I was slimmer back then

I used to go swimming
watched older women,
I was younger then too.

Tails off into the distance
where I see the future,
I can be anything then.