John Bartholomew

John Bartholomew Jul 17

Living off the Past (for nobody imparticular)

Records played, records sold, hard copy, not download
But the more I rattle on and raise my brow, I now sound really old
The pennies drop at the play of a song, mainly through Capitol Gold
Some still tour, Davies, Stewart and John
But no Rocketman could lift these boots, those days are long gone
Royalties from film now keep the bills ticking over
The price of fuel and heating costs, still driving my 2012 Range Rover
The odd bit of cash is always nice, if guest on Lorraine or The One Show
But I'm happy watching those days of the past,
as I have taken my last and final bow.

JJB

#rocknrollneverdies

John Bartholomew Jul 15

Buffet

Any food to suit your taste
So always wear an elasticated waist
The calories pile as you seal your own fate
Christ I love it on a Sunday
The all you can eat extravaganza
Curry for breakfast followed by scones and tea
It says it in writing, eat all you can see
Leaving so full that will do you for the day
I'll be back same time next week,
at the all you can eat buffet

JJB

John Bartholomew Jul 14

The Kings Peach

14 years under Tories rule
Cameron to Sunak with Johnson the bumbling fool
But now ruled by the Labour lot,
with waters promised much calmer
Raynor now craps the whip,
With her puppy dog, Sir Kier Starmer
A visit to King Charlie now head of the throne
His head now adorning stamps,
Soon on cash and any bank loan
But his real reason for this trip is to prepare for the King's speech
As we now have a fruitcake in charge with more faces than most,
Gentlemen and Squires, Lords and Ladies,
I give you,
The King's Peach 🍑

JJB

#notoneofyourfiveaday

John Bartholomew Jul 8

Ma's Cafe

Sugar in the coffee ***
Serves it warm, I like it hot
Perhaps Costa or Neros and pay a higher fee
A greasy spoon the place to be
Not refined but just fine
No frothy Americanos or skinny on the milk
Tetleys all day long, washed down smooth as silk
Across the way, Comedy Store, new comics where the crowd pan you
All else fails, nip over the road, a hot slice of Ma's lasagne
Builders sat in the corner, tea break and a laugh
All day fry-up,
the best in town,
only at,
Ma's Cafe

JJB

John Bartholomew Jul 6

Storyteller

Every picture tells a story
Whether it's romance, betrayal or of nothing that quite bores me
Every picture tells its tale
If sat by a river and up comes a stranger
Just fishing in peace, never in any danger
Starts with a tale of love and onto how he betrayed her
It's not my business son, now packing up my pike lure
For listening to some random bloke in the pub, spouting off after too many Stella's
Is almost the same as chatting on the Tube, to some random fella
But nobody beats the intricate details told by one, that man my Granddad
The original, and the only,
Storyteller

JJB

John Bartholomew Jul 5

Write Off

We all have the odd car written off
But people can do the same, and mark you as a right off
Fussy down to something you said
Or a letdown in the sack on someone else's bed
A change in look or you've put on a bit of weight
Not for me anymore, as you move onto her best mate Kate
You learn a language together, first German and then French
Sacre Bleu! Mon amie, not tonight love, you can sit on the bench
You prefer your tea when she just sups her coffee
Liverpool forever and then shes a bleeding toffee
A phonecall is more personal than some random text
Message away with no response, as she clearly didnt give two fecks
So that was that and just a waste of time
As perserverance is a key even if the alley is blind
But some wanted loves were never meant to be
As I gaze from the clifftop, just watching the swirling of the sea.

Write Off

JJB

John Bartholomew Jul 4

Happy Alone

Happy alone in a world of my own
Not tuning into the everyday tones
Parents in the playground always with a groan
All cars cost too much, on lease hire or by loan
Settled and mellow in these God given bones
Just turn the noise right down on your latest iPhone
Because, and I repeat,
I'm happy, and don't want to say it again,
thats just me,
I'm happy,
Happy Alone

#pleaseleavemealone

JJB