You are a fluid definition of a reinvented word
in a reinvented world
you were my one that got away
then skinny love
always wonderwall
and now you're away again
you're my full circle drawn with a shaking hand
that couldn't connect the start to the end
we were always a broken wind up that was worth the tick during the song
we started broken now we're here
with something real that would have been beautiful
if the timing were different
But it was worth the pain
and I will miss you forever
because you're my sun
and i'm your moon
you light me up so bright

so have a grand time but please keep me in the stars
because if you ever want me
i'll likely be looking at them
wishing I could be there with you

The Scientist makes sense
because this isn't easy
and I am not ready for you to go
so take us back

you're not even gone yet
but you are already haunting me
through the waisted years
when we should have been as we are now

but I know that isn't true
now is perfect because we are finally who we need to be
not to be right for each other
but to just be right

Is it wrong for me to wish
for more time to kiss your lips
and hold your hand
and just to talk
because I love your voice
and the things you say
make me impossibly happy
you make me so **** happy

maybe it's right that you are leaving
maybe i'm just some filler and your perfect girl is waiting for you
and this is exactly what is supposed to happen
or maybe this is karma
finding it's way back to me
In my past lives I must have been the most despicable of beings
because loosing you just when things feel wonderful
is the worst punishment i've yet endured

I want all of the years back
I want them exactly the same
I just want to watch them over
because I need more time with you
I want to see you for the first time
because I don't even remember meeting you
you were just there
and you haven't been gone from my thoughts since
I want the fresh sting of my freshman year
when I was just some weird girl who couldn't say anything right
I want the end of that year
when I cried because I knew you wouldn't talk to me all summer
because you were in love and I was still strange
I want to remember that kind of pining
the kind that was all what ifs and imagination
I want that moment when we became friends
and nothing more
I want to remember what it was like to just be your friend
but I don't want to linger there
and I want that night when you told me you liked me
so I can feel that jolt run through me once more
And God I want today
I want it to never end
I want you with me, kissing me
and telling me everything is real
I want it all back and I never want to forget

no one ever said it would be this hard
please take me back to the start

I stood nearly naked in my yard this morning
facing the woods I let the world become me
and I felt it all
wind whipping my hair in to knots
grass tickling my knees
sun pouring unto my canvas skin
I breathed in all that is
was
and can ever be
it was infinite
and so powerful
I closed my eyes
and allowed my senses to guide me to the end of the earth
upon finding it
the universe grabbed my hand roughly
pulling me in to it's welcoming arms
and kissed me fiercely
then pushed me away
only to pull me in once more

~

Today, a family friend marveled at how much I remind him of my father.
You must understand how much this scared me.
Nothing scares me more than addiction,
yet I perpetually submit myself to addictive behavior, substances, feelings.

These holes I've been digging cannot be dug forever.
There is a bottom and that is excommunication, prison, death.
No person will dig me out,
no person can.

The clock may move slower
after I use this,
and it may move quicker
after I use this.
It doesn't matter to me,
as long as moves in a way other than it does in sobriety.

The sun will rise and the sun will set,
all according to plan.
For hundreds of years into the future
astrologers have predicted at what time which stars
can be seen from certain locations on Earth.
Yet I do not know where I will be tomorrow.
I do not know who will be with me.
I do not know if my father will still love me,
or if we will still share a home, a family, blood.

Your kisses were perfect
a mix between sweet pecks that I smile for
and rough passion so raw that I shiver wonderfully at the memory
the line your mouth traced brought gasps to my own
and each bite soothed by a kiss left a mark that I adore
though i've dreamt of the specifics
and thought endlessly of your lips
nothing could prepare me for how wonderful
you and your kisses are
and your hands
they are perfect
in their wandering way
each touch sent a heat wave through my body
and it was all I could do not to moan rather obscenely
and you
you called me beautiful
and looked in to my eyes
and smiled
and flirted
and held my hand
and ran your fingers through my awful hair
and you made me feel
wonderful

I cry ***** the color of Christ-blood.
It stains these linen sheets
and gets me drunker than Uncle Jim at a Christmas party.

Lonely thoughts breed lonely feelings
and lonely feelings hurt.
They hurt in the same way you do, because they're made of the same stuff.
Mixed in the same kitchen;
the recipe is the same.
One part brandy to one part cola to seven part tears.

A little girl who believes in love is much better off than the one who does not.
Much in the same way as a child believing in Santa Claus.
Belief can only set you up for disappointment,
but the feelings at the time of belief run deeper than the feelings after revelation.

Very best
never quite enough
No sleep, no rest
As rough
As the Rockies
Mountains of pink skin
monster
What else do I call it?
How do I **** it?
These things aren't taught in school
Hot metal skewer to hand over to you
Here, I know what you want to do.
Very best
Never quite enough
It's tough,
So here are all my knives and matches
To take me out in batches.